Etiquette FU- no ring, no bring= not bad

We're old, so most of our friends are in committed relationships, those who aren't are still getting a plus one. The only ones NOT getting a plus one are the generation below us, i.e. our nieces and nephews and cousin's kids.

You can't invite everyone- there had to be a cut off- so the ring was the cut off for us if we didn't know the other partner- it was easier than saying only those who live together- I think that can be harder to define (well I "live" there, but i really still live with my parents..") I don't believe in the whole idea of a "social unit" either- I love my FH, but I am not attached to him, we are independent individuals, who happen to love each other- he is not needed to escort me everywhere I go- nor are we codependent on each other. He has his life and I have mine- we meet in the middle and it works.

If I got an invite to your wedding I would check decline and go scratch! I mean how could you do something like that.... Why don't you just revise the guest list and keep it simple instead of hurting people....

Hahahahaha everyone is posting saying she's rude but yet she is holding her own throughout all of these comments and not fighting back...kinda funny.

I think both sides are wrong frankly, the examples half of you are coming with would be invited to her wedding, since I'm assuming if this close friend or family has been with someone for such a long time you would have met them/know them very well... If you're trying to have a witty comeback at least make sure the point you're making is valid...

Exactly Emily ^. People on this forum can get a little radical and blow things way out of proportion. She doesn't want people she doesn't know at her wedding and all of the sudden she's and anti-gay, rude, family hater. Lol. Again, I don't completely agree with OP's logic. All of our guests are getting a plus one...even those people I haven't seen in a while. It's just fair.

The antigay thing made me laugh. My MOH is a lesbian.

Her policy is no RING, no bring. So it is not out of line to suggest that couples who've been living together for a while (months to years) would not get to bring their partner if she hasn't met the partner. There are some families who only see their relatives once a year or less, so this situation is not blowing things out of proportion and could easily happen. It is a silly policy.

What would you all do with poly friends? I know a few people who are in open/multiple relationships- do you invite all partners? Using your logic, you are not respecting their lifestyle/relationships unless you invite all parties.

Elope.

I think the no ring = no bring "diddy" was a stupid way to explain what she is doing, because it really doesn't align with her real "rules". Again...I agree the logic is off, but technically her policy isn't "no ring = no bring"....it's more like "Not friends? No bring."

While I don't agree with how the OP set the parameters of who was invited or not to HER wedding you all are being just as rude. And spare me the don't post if you can't take it bs.

Some of you sit real high on the hog with your judgement and the way you present it. I sense a lot of keyboard courage

Tamika or a lot people who care about the feelings of others....

When most of the people on a cross continent forum tell you what you are doing is rude and you continue under the guise that 'no one has said anything to me so they must not care', it just means that your friends and family are too polite to tell you you're rude.

Being the bride and groom does not give you the right to be selfish and ignore social graces...but it will show your guests how you truly feel about them when you put unnecessary 'things' above your respect for them and their significant others. If they are important enough to be invited to your wedding a) why have you not met their SO and b) wouldn't it be a great opportunity to do so?

In regards to the polyamory question - if 3-4 people identify themselves as in a relationship then yes...they all get invited. But just being someone who has a few 'special friends' that doesn't make a relationship. You identify as a 'gf/bf' then I will honour that and you get an invite.

I paid for my own wedding 100%. I gave each guest a plus one (if they were single). Now if the OP would have come on and stated her difficulty with budget or space then I think posters would be much more receptive..

But essentially the "FU" indicates not caring about guests (at least distant cousins).

Also insinuating that anyone that would be offended is codependent or has an unhealthy relationship is actually pretty judgmental.

Disagreeing with the OP does not necessarily equate rudeness or judgment. Now judging posters for being rude and judgmental on their high horses can also be construed as judgment. Oh boy chicken and egg situation here. In all seriousness I hope things work out and the OP has a lovely reception!

So basically you are celebrating your love while excluding the loves of some of your guests simply because they may not have a ring on their finger?

My stepmom was my stepmom long before she married my dad. They were together for 16 years before they got engaged, and then another 8 before they got married.

You don't get to judge the level of another couple's commitment by the amount of jewelry they wear.

Its not about money or budget (its a consideration) Its more about knowing people at our wedding Its our day, to celebrate OUR love. If people want to show up and celebrate with us, great! If they dont, great! If someone doesn't like something we are doing, they are free to not show up or to leave at any time.

People who matter wont mind, and people who mind, dont matter.

Lilly, how strongly are you abiding by this rule? If you know a couple has been together for a few years but don't know the partner, and the partner invited doesn't know too many people, would you bend the rule in that situation? I'm just curious if it's a hard and fast rule or more of a guideline that you are following. I'm keeping my opinion out of this and won't give an opinion, but I am genuinely curious about this. Also, does this affect many if your guests, or do you know most of the partners so they were invited anyway?

Honestly in my opinion I don't care who my loved ones bring. I don't care if I don't have a relationship with their significant other. My special day will be about love. I would hope the people I love could share in it with the ones they love. I was able to budget my wedding and be smart with finances yet still everyone I care about can come with their plus one and kids. Being married to me is becoming one and bringing people together. Why exclude significant others if they aren't married? What if you were invited to a wedding with this policy and you were still dating your fiancé? How would you feel? At the end of the day though it's your decision and if you feel confident in it that is all that matters. This is your wedding, but expect feelings will be hurt and relationships may be lost over it..

Well god forbid you get to meet someone new on your wedding day. SOUNDS SO STRESSFUL.

Nick- it really only applies to family (they will know many other people) and one friend who is dating an abusive ass hole (and technically he moved out when we mailed invites, she let him more back in, and i stopped talking to her because of it)

If our friends are in an established relationship, we happen to also be friends with the SO. And in the event of breakup, both parties would be invited independently. Guessing there are 7 people who are impacted, out of the 170 invited