RG3
Dedicated April 2018

Emphasizing Guest Attire

RG3, on December 26, 2017 at 8:28 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 32
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My FH is from a small town thats very country - think every Texas sterotype, and thats it. We are getting married in Houston and most of his friends and family are planning on coming to the wedding. After attending Christmas Eve services at their church, I am very concerned about what they are wearing to the wedding. We are getting married at the Catholic church, I've grown up in my entire life and I just not acustom to seeing people dress the way they did for church, especially Christmas Eve - wrinkled t-shirts, cargo shorts, and flip flops. Yes, they were people who are apparently on our guest list. Adding to the concern, I saw the pictures from his sister's wedding 3 years ago, it was very much the same style and dress. I know I can't control how people dress, but I was raised to dress appropiately for church out of respect and I think I might have a heart attack if someone shows up in shorts or a wrinkled t-shirt. My FMIL has even joked that semi-formal to them means 1 hole, not 2 hole. Anyone had/having a similar issue? How can we stress appropriate attire without sounding uptight or rude? Obviously, we'll put semi-formal on the invitation, but could I list out examples on our website or something? I don't mean to be offensive, but I seriously don't think they understand how upsetting snd embarassing that would be to me on my wedding day.

32 Comments

Latest activity by Lisa, on December 26, 2017 at 3:54 PM
  • Forestwed
    Master May 2018
    Forestwed ·
    • Flag
    Unfortunately there isn’t much you can do. I understand your concern. I was raised the same way as you and am surprised the way some people dress to attend church. Hopefully when they see semi-formal it makes them think more about their attire. Good luck
    • Reply
  • Meg
    Expert September 2018
    Meg ·
    • Flag
    Yes unfortunately you can't tell them how to dress. I would definitely put it on your wedding website but they might not even look at it. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Sunshine
    Super January 2019
    Sunshine ·
    • Flag

    I don't think I've ever seen a mention of a dress code on an invitation. Something about that just rubs me the wrong way.

    • Reply
  • melanie
    Master August 2017
    melanie ·
    • Flag
    This is one of those situations where you can't really do anything except hope people dress appropriately


    • Reply
  • Mags
    Super July 2018
    Mags ·
    • Flag
    Please don't put anything instructional of dressing on your website. I'm pretty sure they are aware that they are not the fancy type and they will know your instructions are for them. Like PP said, there's nothing you can do but accept the fact that they will wear what they want. Everyone is welcome to God's house regardless of their attire. I was also brought up to have to dress up for church but these is not a priority for everyone. For the invite, there is no need to include the attire unless it is a black tie event. But, in this case, I do think that this will be the only place that you may be able to include something regarding the dress code since it seems to be an area of concern for you. It is a stretch to add it to the invite but some people do this and goes well. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
    • Flag

    It is inappropriate to include any dress code, other than black tie, on your invitation. If your guests' attire is so important to you, you should have chosen a venue with rules, like a country club.

    You can include a dress code on your website, but detailing examples would be over the top.

    • Reply
  • stephanie
    Super October 2017
    stephanie ·
    • Flag
    You can ask your parents or other close family members to socialize the idea of the type of attire you all prefer. Ex. Have FMIL casually mention it in conversation when people ask about wedding stuff. But that's about all you can do. Ultimately people will wear whatever they want to.

    As a side note, while I 100% share your view on dressing nicely for the event, you won't actually have a heart attack over anyone's attire at the church. In fact, you won't even notice it. You will have so much on your mind and be so focused on not tripping as you walk down the aisle, trying not to cry, etc., that you won't notice anyone. At least this was my experience. I can't tell you what half our guests were wearing even after spending time with them at the reception, because it was just the farthest thing from my mind that day.
    • Reply
  • FutureMrsHill
    Expert April 2018
    FutureMrsHill ·
    • Flag

    Unfortunately, you can't include a dress code, unless it's a black tie event. It sucks but there's not much you can do.

    • Reply
  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
    • Flag
    It is proper etiquette on formal invites to put the attire in the lower right corner. No one may follow it, but at least you can try. It doesn't just have to be for black tie.
    If you are having a website you can also put it there
    • Reply
  • Forestwed
    Master May 2018
    Forestwed ·
    • Flag
    I’ve seen many wedding invitations that include dress attire. I don’t think it’s rude at all
    • Reply
  • OGJessieJV
    Master July 1867
    OGJessieJV ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    This is incorrect. The only time it is appropriate to put a dress code on an invite is for Black or White Tie.

    If your church or reception venue has a separate dress code, you may address that on your wedding website. Otherwise, suck it up and treat people like adults.
    • Reply
  • K.M.
    Master September 2018
    K.M. ·
    • Flag
    You absolutely don’t include dress code on invitations unless you are hosting a black tie event. You can’t tell people how to dress and it would be so over the top to include examples on your website.
    • Reply
  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Https://www.theknot.com/content/amphtml/wedding-invitations-etiquette
    • Reply
  • OGJessieJV
    Master July 1867
    OGJessieJV ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Lol, that’s not an accurate source of wedding etiquette.

    Please use a source that actually cares about etiquette and not about ad dollars. I recommend Miss Manners.
    • Reply
  • Light Haired Girl
    Expert February 2018
    Light Haired Girl ·
    • Flag

    Personally I appreciate if there is a dress code on either an insert printed small on the invite. Now when I say this- I mean formal, semi formal, casual, black tie, etc., Honestly I've yet to read an article on dress code etiquette that says this is faux pas. I don't find it dictating your guests what to wear, but to simply let them know if its a more casual or elegant event- its nice to know.

    However, I have read that it is rude to tell people exactly what color, style, or theme to wear. That is over the top.

    But I mean really, I would not worry about if someone is going to show up wearing a wrinkled shirt. You should be inviting your guests because you want to spend the day with them, not because they will or won't look good for a photo. My FH had an uncle tell us that if he can't show up in jorts he wasn't going. Swear. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • OGJessieJV
    Master July 1867
    OGJessieJV ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Black Tie is not just a dress code, it’s a specific manner of hosting. “Dress codes” are pretty well made up gobbledegook. What I think is formal, another person will think is semi-formal. What’s the difference between beach formal and beach casual, ( hint nothing, they’re made up).
    • Reply
  • BlueHenBride
    Master March 2017
    BlueHenBride ·
    • Flag
    It's actually not okay to specify dress code on an invitation unless you're hosting a black tie event.

    Otherwise, the only time you can let your guests know they might want to dress a certain way is if there's something about your venue that would make then want to wear certain attire, and you would put a note about it on your wedding website. An example of this would be if either your ceremony or reception is going to be outdoors and guests will be walking on grass or uneven, unpaved terrain. In this scenario, you'd want to let your female guests know that flats, wedges, or sandals would be a safer option than heels due to the outdoor setting. Sometimes country clubs require men to wear a tie and or a jacket to enter the venue, so you'd want to let your male guests know that the venue requires one or both of those things. Note that in these scenarios, it is the venue requiring certain dress choices so guests will be safe and not denied entry, not the couple getting married saying they want their guests to dress a certain way because they just feel like it. One last example is that some churches require ladies to cover their shoulders to enter the sanctuary. Note, though, that this rule doesn't specify how dressy a oersonust be to enter the church, just that a woman may need to bring a sweater or wrap if they are planning to wear a strapless or sleeveless dress or top. You still can't specify how dressy a guests looks to enter your church.
    • Reply
  • Danniel
    Savvy March 2018
    Danniel ·
    • Flag

    I'm confused! You say that love your FH. You knew how his family dressed before you started planning the wedding. Why are you concerned now about how the guests will dressed. Those guests are his family and apart of him. If you can't accept his family for they way they are then you will have a hard time accepting him. You should be happy that his family want to celebrate this once in a lifetime event with the two of you instead of criticizing and acting like you are better then them.

    • Reply
  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
    • Flag
    On your wedding day it won't matter what your guests are wearing. My brothers didn't wear suits to my wedding, for a tiny split second I internally pouted, and then moved on. My brothers arrived on time, in good spirits, and that was good enough.
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Devoted May 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    You might be able to put (no jeans) after semi-formal? Idk just a thought, trying to help Smiley smile GOOD LUCK

    • Reply

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