Emphasizing Guest Attire

I was raised like you and raised my children the same way. I will tell you what a priest told me...God does not care how you are dressed when you come to church. He is happy that you came. Look at it like that. If they come dressed inappropriately then its on them. Have your day and enjoy...dont worry about how others are dressed. I am sure some will be in shorts, jeans etc. Unfortunately that just seems to be how things are these days.

Same. I live in a Texas town with an estimated population of 2,000 (probably less than that actually). Every wedding that I have attended (several in the last two years) is just what you described and the bridal party isn’t even dressed up usually. The groom and bp doesn’t even wear suits, just jeans and vest, which I hateeeee - and then of course is in some barn that isn’t “cute” but leans on the trashy side. Last year we went to a wedding in the Dallas area for a family member and it was at a barn venue - which was gorgeous and had the rustic Pinterest look that I do think is cute - but the places around here suck in terms of “barn weddings”, and I totally get what you are saying as far as dress concerns.

So with that being said, I want our wedding to be the total opposite!!! Our theme is going to be classic and elegant - there will be no burlap and babies breath in site (it all anyone around here has). We are going to have a really nice ceremony at a church in a town thats about an hour away (everyone goes here all the time because thats where everything is, so its not inconvenient for our guest) and then there are a few venues we are looking at (our wedding is 6/22/19, so we have a while before we have to book) but they are very formal and we will be served (no buffet) a formal dinner at the reception. As far as dress code, I am going to make a wedding website that addresses the dress code - however, I do expect a big chunk of our guest (his side) to not be dressed up and I am NOT going to stress this at all. I honestly don’t care what my guest wear and while I do want people to dress up, I can already expect that most of them won’t get the memo, no matter how many times this is told to them. BUT , the bridal party and family WILL be dressed up and I will make sure of this. Fiancé has a very large immediate family and I have the opposite, but I want all parents, close cousins, siblings, nieces, nephews, grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc. to be in formal attire because they will be in a lot of photos for sure. I know my other guest who don’t get dressed up will be in lots of photos too, but as long as our main family members understand that its formal, then I really don’t care too much and those who don’t look nice can sit around feelig silly that they didn’t wear nicer clothes to the wedding, and I don’t feel bad because I’m going to let them know the dress code very far in advance. I also posted a photo to show the look I’m going for overall just so you can see that my theme doesn’t say casual at all.

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I agree. We are putting dress attire on our invites, if people follow fine, if they don't oh well. It's just a suggestion because we are getting married on a farm & no one should wear high heels.

View Quoted Comment The way his family dresses has nothing to do with love for him, so I see how you are confused. Maybe you should re-read before commenting.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! Helpful and glad to see someone else understands the struggle. I guess I'll just pray for the best on this!

There is nothing you can do about how people dress. People will wear what they want. Don't let it bother you. They are there for you and that's all that matters. People are taught different things growing up about what to wear to events and will what they feel is appropriate. Your day will be beautiful no matter what other people dress as.

Given that they are all adults or not your own children (if children are invited), you should not tell them what to wear. They are aware that this is a wedding not a backyard BBQ (although I know a lot of people that wears elegant BbQ outfits). I understand the concern but there are things that are beyond your control and that cross the line of being a good host or a demanding person. The only solution I have for you is to use word of mouth and have key people in the family spread the information about your wedding being on “elegant side”.
we are getting married on a beach and this weekend I had someone ask me if it was okay to be in jeans and a shirt - this person never wears that anyway but it’s probably entertaining to ask such questions -, my answers was: “it is a wedding like any other. Would you wear jeans to weddings in general? Yes? If so, then go ahead, it’s okay with me since this is your choice not mine. I pick my dress, the guests can pick whatever they wanna wear.

I understand completely. I grew up in a small town and never wanted to get married here but we fell in love with the local vineyard. I am super traditional and am terrified that someone will show up in jeans or cowboy boots. I put formal attire on my website and pray that people have enough sense to know. Hopefully I'll be too excited to notice on the day. Lol

View Quoted Comment No problem! I see a lot of people not really understanding what you mean, but I get it. Its not that you don’t love your fiance and his family, but you want your day to look a certain way and I feel the same way. I also went to a wedding for a cousin and it was formal and pretty much everyone knew how to dress - there were a few boots and jeans but I think they felt out of place in a sea of tuxes and nice suits, and should have looked into the dress code a little better. No you can’t “tell” people what to wear but they are going to do what they want but providing good details for what is expected is helpful for any guest, and I don’t think its rude to include. I know as a guest I “want” to be told what the dress code is, so that I don’t feel out of place.