Elopement and gift etiquette

If you want to give a gift, go ahead. If you’re asking for yourself, I believe that you really shouldn’t expect people to give you gifts. If they do, great. But it shouldn’t really be an expectation.

I think when you have a traditional wedding, it’s more of a “thank you” for inviting them to witness and celebrate your union. If they are close to you, sure, they may give a gift either way. But that’s how I see it, personally.

Sorry but nope. You might have someone who still gives you a gift even if they aren't invited to the wedding but no one owes you a gift just cause you got married. A gift is a thank you for including someone on a special day.

You really need to realign your priorities cause this thread just reeks of entitlement.

Yes and no. I see where you are coming from, and somewhat agree. But how would you go about asking for these gifts? Just curious, because I can't think of a polite way to do so. If someone offered to through you a bridal shower, then you could register and people would give you gifts...but like a wedding reception, this provides a place for people to give these gifts. I guess an elopement would leave an optional gift up to the couple's loved ones, on whether or not they wanted to send a check or something in the mail to congratulate them.

View Quoted Comment

My guess is a wedding announcement. Since OPs other post (where she was told it sounded gift grabby) was about sending out wedding announcements.

Here’s the difference between the two: when I attend a wedding, I’m there celebrating with the couple so I bring a card with my well wishes and yes, a monetary gift for them. That’s standard in my family. If someone chooses to skip having a wedding that’s fine, but I don’t send a gift. If it’s my best friend, maybe I take her out to dinner or for drinks to celebrate, but I don’t write her a check.

LOL, not trolling. A different opinion doesn't make someone a "troll". Also, name calling is against CGs on this forum.

I tend to give my gift based on my relationship with the couple, not the formality of the event. I wouldn't give a gift for a wedding I wasn't invited to though, unless there were very very specific circumstances (which doesn't include "we just decided to elope").

I don't give gifts for elopements or for weddings I'm not invited to. If I'm invited to a wedding, I give a gift regardless of whether I'm going or not. What I spend depends on how well I know the couple, not how extravagant the party is because I usually purchase something online and get it shipped directly to them way before the wedding.

Also, after planning a wedding and realizing how much goes into it, I think gifting is necessary if you go to a wedding. However, if we had decided to elope, I would hope no one would get us gifts. While an elopement doesn't mean anything less than a wedding, people who don't get to celebrate with you shouldn't have to buy you gifts.

Gifts are never required nor asked for even if you are having a wedding with guests so whether your loved ones decide to give you a gift is still up to them in either scenario. The answers to your questions should come from your loved ones. If they feel as you do then they will give you gifts even if you are eloping.

View Quoted Comment

Interesting. I guess I have always thought of it as starting someone's lift together. Same as I feel about shower gifts. Its not about the size of the shower, I give the same regardless of the type of party - house, restaurant or otherwise.

View Quoted Comment

Hi Danielle, we eloped and are having a celebration since we are home because family was upset they were not included in the day. We have a lot of people not attending the party that we planned, which was surprising to us since we have attended all of their weddings. In my opinion, the events are the same - its about celebrating a marriage, not a party. Which is also the reason we eloped, we feel its not about the party but instead our life together. So just trying to understand other people's viewpoints on why they don't want to attend, or why no one would even send a card to congratulate us. Which is different than a monetary gift, there has been no response. We're just a little surprised on all fronts.

View Quoted Comment

Shower gifts are about starting a life together. But you should never invite someone to a shower than isn't invited to the wedding.

I think what some don't realize about eloping is you can't have your cake and eat it to. You can't exclude your family and friends from your event but then expect them to honor your event. If those events (or presents... ick) are important to you than that should factor into eloping.

View Quoted Comment

Thanks for your input. I feel its based on the couple and my relationship to them. I would, and have, given the same for elopement as when there has been a large reception to attend. We eloped, and have been surprised that others don't view it that way.

View Quoted Comment You’re right that it isn’t about the party. I bet a lot of the people not attending are choosing not to attend because you’re just throwing a party. They wanted to witness you getting married and they didn’t. The party after the fact likely feels like a consolation prize.

You say the gift is for couples starting their lives together but in your other post you said you've been together 9 years. Sounds like you aren't "starting" your lives together nor hosting a party which disqualifies you either way you look at it. Not trying to attack, you asked and I'm trying to give an honest explanation.
Personally, I do think of the gift as a thank you for the party and not so much as a way of setting the couple up for their lives together because all the couples I know are like you and I and have been together quite some time and don't need that stuff. It kinda falls under that "never show up to a party empty handed" rule for me tbh. It's a thank you for inviting me when guest lists have to be limited but you still invited me because I'm that important to you.
Also, for the record, no I don't think the level of cost is equal to gift cost. Gifts shouldn't be expected and should be what you can afford to give, whether it's $500 or a $2 card filled with a thoughtful message.

View Quoted Comment

Hi LB, again I think you might be misunderstanding what I am trying to say here. I didn't have a shower, and didn't tell anyone to give gifts. I have given to others who have eloped because in my opinion, its about helping a couple start their life together, not an exchange for their party. We are hosting a small dinner party to celebrate with our closest family since we chose to elope. We had the support of most of the members of our family. I'm sorry that you don't like the idea of eloping, but for us it was right. It was very intimate, romantic, and we have no regrets.

We've never gifted a couple anything that eloped, only couples that had weddings we were invited to. It just seems odd to send a couple a random gift for them eloping.

I feel like it depends on the relationship to the couple. Sibling or cousin or very best friend is eloping? I'd probably send a card and a small gift. But beyond that, I wouldn't even think to send a gift for a wedding that I wasn't invited to (even if it's an elopement that no one is invited to). To me, a wedding gift is really a "thanks for including us!" from your guests, or people you invited.

View Quoted Comment

Agree with this. I've been to a celebration of marriage. Actually traveled for it. And I wish I didn't. It just felt like the bride and groom were doing it to placate their family.

OP, do you think your guests feel the same way? You say that you're only doing it cause your family wants, maybe your guests feel that.

View Quoted Comment

Does it matter how long a couple has been together now to determine a gift?? haha We have been living together and don't need a bunch of registry items, so I agree there. If we need sheets, we buy them.

View Quoted Comment

I have no problem with eloping. I just think that one has to temper their expectations before eloping.

Hopefully your thread will help others from having misconceived notions as well.