DW-marry before or after?

@Ella - lol I don't think I've even seen paperwork at the last 2 weddings I've been to nor did it ever occur to me to ask to see proof of it. One of those had a friend officiate. I didn't ask to see his credentials either. I was just happy to be a part of their special day! I never even thought about the legalities of it.

I'd do it before. As a guest, my favorite part of the wedding is the exchange of vows and the reception. Definitely don't have a stick up my ass about seeing the papers being signed.

@jessiejv-I think @ella's point is to say that the paperwork goes unnoticed by the guests anyways

@Jessica ok so if her wedding is not fake, let's just say FH decides to join the mile high club with the flight attendant on the flight home, how do you get a divorce? The ceremony isn't fake right, it's real? Nope. The ceremony is NOT legal and it is NOT a wedding. It is a commitment ceremony, period. I have been lied to as a guest and went to a sham "wedding". It is disgusting how selfish some people are that only care about their "vision". I understand that her guests know that it isn't a wedding and they are willing to go, so she isn't lying. It makes no sense to waste thousands of dollars and make family and loves ones waste thousands of dollars and not have the B & G go the extra mile to ACTUALLY get married. Using the LGBTQ community is the perfect example. The people saying "it's just paperwork" are pathetic because the paperwork is the most important part, and if you don't think so, then you shouldn't be getting married in the first place.

@kaitlyn I think in that case you just break up?! Easier than a divorce if you ask m e

We went to a destination wedding in nicaragua. there, you have to get civilly married before you can have a religious ceremony. we went and had a great time.

This argument comes up at least once a week on here and is utterly ridiculous. Celia always has the perfect reply to it but I see she hasn't made it here yet. If you care so much about when the paper gets signed then you better ask the officiant to see it at every wedding you go to. That sounds absurd, doesn't it?

My paperwork was signed by all the day before our wedding because that's the way our priest always does it. Does that make our ceremony less of a wedding? Nope.

@MexicoinMarch -- sorry your thread got hijacked for all that! Looks like it just depends on what your preference is for before or after.

If you decide to do it beforehand, make sure you consider the implications of changing your name (if you plan on that) such as for passports and booked tickets.

@CD---cheap entertainment Thanks for the advice

@Ella due to the fact that I was lied to as a guest before and spent thousands to attend a "wedding" where it was leaked at the reception that the couple had married in secret a long time before, I make sure the wedding is going to be a legal ceremony before I attend. @Mexicoinmarch your comparison is invalid. I challenge you to file your taxes as "Married" and get that nice tax break without the paperwork. It doesn't matter how long a couple has been together, committed, sharing finances etc. If you do not have that paperwork, you are not married and there are no spousal benefits.

Well this escalated quickly.

Simple answer: If I were you, I'd do it before but not do anything to change my name (so travel documents aren't affected). Being a spouse makes a difference if there's some sort of medical emergency. You might also be able to get some "honeymoon" upgrades since you'll already have a marriage license too!

@MrsWrs if that is the rule in the country where the bride and groom are from than that is the rule of their country.

OP, I see pros and cons to either before or after. My FH and I toyed around with the idea of having a civil ceremony here in the US and then having a symbolic ceremony in another country. We didn't want to deal with all of the red tape that goes along with having a wedding in another country and then have the possibility of it not even being legal in the States.

Don't listen to haters, do what makes you guys happy. You will be married both legally and in your hearts either way.

Good Luck with everything.

@Kaitlyn-you missed my point. You can't get into grad school without the proof of a degree (the paperwork). I'm saying that's not the only important thing. I can use my skills and experiences from college for my career. Yes the paperwork was part of the process but is not what is representative of my education to me. My marriage license will legally validate my marriage but when I think about marrying my husband I won't look back at the beautiful time we had signing a piece of paper. I will remember the vows and the ceremony where everyone I love is present. I'll say it again, to each their own.

@MrsWrs here in the state that I live marriage licenses and marriage certificates are public record. I understand about the tax break for the entire year, what I am saying is that to OP she stated that the paperwork doesn't matter to them. I was trying to point out why the paperwork is so important.

We decided to do the court house before.

Honestly when I attend a destination wedding I automatically assume they got married back in their home state right before or will right after.

Ignore all the unnecessary hate here and do what you know is right.

For your actual question that some people here can't be bothered to answer, I'd say do it first that way if you get sick and need to go to the hospital or have any other issues you'll have a spouse to be able to help you and be with you

@MrsWrs I am assuming OP is American and she is choosing to have her wedding in Italy. She is choosing to not follow the laws in Italy so she can pick her spot and not pay for the Italian translator. When you are in other countries, you should be following their laws to the letter, not picking and choosing which ones to adhere to. She is choosing to not have a wedding but a commitment ceremony. I will not go to a DW for anyone, even siblings, if it was not a legal ceremony.

@kaitlyn---Yes I am American....and we are getting married in Mexico (Hence the name). And it is not to avoid cost it is to avoid getting screwed with an illegitimate marriage license (it happens) and not have my blood drawn in Mexico (have you ever read the news, things can get sketchy) We are having my FIL marry us btw for it to be more meaningful than having a stranger and translator "MARRY" us (as another poster stated earlier in the chaos). I think people should do what makes them happy. If you are made happy by others living to please you, then that's something you need to deal with on your own girl.