DW-marry before or after?

I am honestly asking this, not being hateful...

Why are you asking for pros/cons if your minds are made up and you're not going to change your decision? But, it's also not a DW if you're already married... It's a destination reception/celebration...

Why can't you get married in Mexico?

Personally if I knew I wasn't going to go and watch the actual ceremony after budgeting and taking time off work, I would decline.

I know people who have been legally married in Mexico, Jamaica, Cuba, Dominican, etc. It's not as big a deal as people think it is. It just requires planning.

We're doing a DW and planning on doing it after because I want the symbolic one to be the first vows we exchange. I think it's just your preference. My friend just did a DW and they married a few weeks beforehand - in private. They actually didn't tell anyone about the courthouse one - we only knew because we were their witnesses. It was just the 4 of us at the courthouse.

I'd just get legally married before. I've been to several ceremonies after the legal wedding and enjoyed them.

Asking for pro/cons of marrying before or after symbolic wedding. Call it what you want.

Our guests already know we are having a symbolic ceremony and have *willingly* said yes to going

@JessieJV - not sure the Mexico rules but for us, to be legal in Italy you have to have it in certain locations and pay extra for the officiant and translator. We opted to do symbolic so we could (1) have it in the location we wanted - a beautiful rooftop (2) have one of our dear friends be our officiant (3) not have a random stranger and their translator in all our pictures (4) not have to pay an extra $2-10k (for the officiant plus one of the mandatory venue options). It had nothing to do with the extra planning. For us the courthouse is just the legal paperwork. Our DW is where we are exchanging our vows.

I'm having a DW in Mexico as well! We are getting married before, actually picking up our marriage license tomorrow and hopefully will be able to get married in the next week or two. Every country has different requirements and hoops to jump through. To get legally married in Mexico you and your future spouse have to get a blood test. Neither me or FH wanted to get a blood test done in Mexico. It can also takes months to get your license back.

ETA: my cousin got married in Mexico 3 years ago and did what me and FH are doing. No guests had a problem with it and agreed it was the smarter/easier option. My other cousin got married in Jamaica 6 years ago and had a legal ceremony, in Jamaica you are not required to have a blood test. Both weddings were amazing and whether the ceremonies were symbolic or legal were the least of anyone's concerns.

DH and I had a DW in Shanghai. Because neither of us are residents or citizens there we were unable to get legally married there. It was important to us that we include DH side of the family, so we too had our minds made up already. We ended up getting legally married when we returned to the states. I had pre-booked an officiant in advanced so that the day after we returned we were married in her little chapel with our 2 witnesses. I also wanted our first time saying our vowels to be in front of family in friends, so we decided to legally marry afterwards. I joke and tell my DH that he has a week to remember our anniversary.

Most people are concerned with lying to your guests, but you have already stated that your guest are aware, so you shouldn't have any issues there.

We are going to do a legal ceremony before because there are grandparents that can't go to the destination site so they will be our witnesses here. With the destination being in another country, we also decided it would just be 'one less thing' to do away. US marriage licenses are recognized worldwide. I have some friends who had to jump through lots of hoops to get certified translations and then certified by their new resident country. We plan to do the legal before we go, as you said, to avoid issues/concerns while away but also because the timing works out better for us.

@MexicoinMarch - I'm with you -- my guests know the deal and are excited to go. They actually were hoping for destination before we even decided. No one has made a stink about not being there for the signing of the paperwork and it not being real.

Thank you so much everyone!!

@CD---all of my siblings are married, and most of my friends.. they have ALL said they wished they would have done a DW and begged me to do one. We've always wanted one so it is really a win-win!

I say do the court wedding before - a day before maybe if u can. And have ur ceremony. I see NOTHING wrong with that.

Enjoy urselves and congratulations.

I find it so offensive when people call courthouse ceremonies "just the paperwork". Hello.....the paperwork is the most important part not the party! I would not go to a DW where the couple wasn't getting married.

@Kaitlyn -- "For us, it's just the paperwork" -- *for us* is key. Nothing wrong if that's the ceremony itself for others. We are just not treating it as such. We are treating our exchanging of our vows in front of our friends and family as the big commitment moment. I didn't even mention the party/reception.

For trying to call someone out on being judgy, looks like you called our ceremony fake by saying it's not where we are getting married.

@CD it is fake because your not getting married and you are not having a wedding either. You are having a commitment ceremony and playing dress up. I am not judging you, I am stating facts here. How many years did the LGBTQ community have to fight to have the right to obtain "just the paperwork"?

I've been to two destination weddings: one in Cuba and one in Jamaica. Both times they were legal in those countries. Yes were were there for a week as per the residency requirements for the B&G but we all knew that going in. I would not go to a destination wedding that was not the legal wedding.

I really don't see why people get so hung up on when the legal documents are signed. i've never been to a wedding and been like... so where is the marriage license???

Wow. I think you're looking to find offense. I did not say paperwork was not important. I just don't feel the need to invite people to see that (not to mention the courthouse has a 12 person limit on guests here). What's important to us is our commitment to each other and having our families see and hear us exchanging the vows we're writing. To us, that's our binding ceremony and much more important to us than what we'll do at the courthouse.

Here's this for comparison.....is the only thing that makes my college degree a college degree the diploma itself? Or did the 4 years of hard work and commitment have something to do with getting me the physical degree?

Different things hold importance and value to different people. Lucky for you, you can have your courthouse wedding and put "the paperwork" on your wall if that's the only thing that makes a wedding a wedding. To each their own!

@Ella-The paperwork gets signed at all the weddings I've gone to...depends on where you're from.