Dry Weddings are a hot topic on here, but...

Her reasoning is that a few people at my wedding got a little out of hand, and her future-in-laws are very much so against drinking.

It isn't something that is important to her, but I'd like her to know the downside to it as well.

What are your thoughts? Reviews? What kind of negative things did you hear about your wedding? What kind of negative things did you say about someone else's wedding?

Even Jesus made sure there was wine at the wedding!

When hosting a party, you want to make your guests feel comfortable. A lot of people (at least most of the adults I know), enjoy a glass of wine or a drink when they get dressed up and go out. I want them to enjoy the party, and so will have an open bar for them to enjoy as they wish.

1. My crew expects it.

2. I want them to enjoy a nice night out, that includes drinking and eating plenty of what they would like. They go through the hassle of traveling to us, getting baby/dpg/house sitters, some getting a hotel, spending the day, getting dressed up, giving us a gift, they deserve to have the option to drink and eat good drinks and good food.

3. I have the budget. If I didn't, I'd be having a smaller wedding and still having the food and drinks that my crew would enjoy.

Even if I didn't drink, I would do it because it would be like saying, well I don't eat carbs, so no carbs for anyone at my event! It's just not what you do (I, by the way, eat carbs like it's no one's business).

Because adults who spend time and money to buy clothes, get a dog or babysitter, buy clothes and bring you a gift deserve a glass of wine or three. Because treating your guests well should be a priority. Because adults don't generally get hammered, throw up in the ladies room, start fist fights in the parking lot or strip on the dance floor.

And because no alcohol makes for grumpy guests who leave early.

Logically, if there isnt alcohol you are taking away an opportunity for those who do want it to enjoy themselves therefore you are diminishing their experience at your reception. And those who don't approve of it do not have to drink it.

Well, she already has a very rocky relationship with her FMIL. To the point, she commented that if that's what her FH then fine, but she doesn't think they should get married, etc... It has been very ugly.

So she is trying to 1) Keep the peace. And not make that situation any worse than it already is. 2) It'll be cheaper. She is a budget-whore. Lol and 3) Majority of people (all of the in laws, and maybe half of our side) won't drink anyway. It was like that at my wedding as well... But I still had it.

I'm just trying to explain this all to her.

@FutureMrs.Davis, that made me LOL

I don't even really know how to explain it, other than alcohol (and open-bar more importantly), is just an expectation of hosting a celebration/gathering; the only time it would be acceptable to go dry, is if there are strict religious limitations, and every single person attending falls into that category - such as a Mormon wedding.

The only thing I have against them is they are very boring and end right after dinner. I'm not a huge drinker anymore but even when I was I respected a persons decision not to have any. We'll be having it because we want a big party and for people to have fun. See if she'd be willing to just do beer and wine? You don't need a full open bar but providing alcohol is important if you want anybody to actually stay and have a good time.

In light of the situation - Have you suggested that instead of her going totally dry, to keep it simple, and only offer beer and wine? Open bar does not always have to mean a full bar of top-shelf liquor.

ETA - mind you, I don't know about anyone else, but I get far more drunk, and more quickly, drinking wine or beer, then I do hard liquor lol.

I rarely drink... but when I go out, its fun to have a glass of wine here or there... Even one small glass of wine gets me more excited to start shakin it on the dance floor.. Just because something happens at one wedding... doesn't mean it will happen the exact same way at another wedding... My FH grandparents (Who are basically like his parents) are very much against alcohol.. They wont even touch champagne... But its not stopping us from providing alcohol for our guests...

They just tend to be more boring. Also, most celebrations and get-togethers have alcohol, so a wedding, which is one of life's biggest celebrations, shouldn't be any different.

@soon2bemrs2017 which is what I did. We has two types of beer and two types of white wine. If people wanted to party, then party! If not, don't. Made sense to me. Felt like a waste to her.

We had 6 out of 10 cases of beer and 16 out of 26 bottles of wine leftover... But hey... Those bottles of wine have now totally become Birthday and Christmas gifts to those I know will drink them. Lol ETA: Typo

Also, if she does a consumption bar, I've heard that some (all??) liquor stores will return bottles that aren't opened.

Try that on her!!

If your sister is willing to have her wedding under a certain set of circumstances, like not having an evening reception, a dry wedding can be acceptable. However, I'm going to assume that she is envisioning an evening reception with dancing and a party atmosphere. This is not an acceptable circumstance for a dry wedding. A few years ago, I unknowingly attended a dry wedding, and I still remember it as the worst wedding I've ever attended. The bride kept going up to tables and begging people to dance (as if her "fun" hot cocoa bar really made anyone want to dance). This was my one evening off during a very busy point in my class schedule. I had studied my ass off all week to be able to take these few hours off, and I was not about to waste those precious few hours. FH and I promptly left after the cake was served and had a relaxing evening at home with wine. My point is: If you want the "traditional" party-like reception with guests dancing into the wee hours of the morning, alcohol is NOT optional.

If it's dry, adults who want to have a drink will find a way to have a drink. They'll pack flasks, have parking lot coolers, or leave early to go to the bar down the street. We've seen a few reports of weddings with these consequences recently. Anyone have the links handy?

Does your sister really want the party to break up early and re-convene at the local bar, after spending good money on food, dessert, photography and music? Does she want all of her guests to be out in the parking lot "tailgating"? What's going to happen if people overindulge, and there's no bartender to cut people off?

A consumption bar seems like a budget-conscious choice, if it's true that a large portion of the guests won't have a drink.

Also, she shouldn't allow her FILs to control her choices. I understand wanting to keep the peace to an extent, but there should also be some boundaries. Just because the FILs don't approve doesn't mean your sister and her FH should tailor the wedding to their preferences. She and her FH are adults who should be allowed to make this decision on their own. Are the FILs paying for the wedding?

She do a limited bar at least: wine, beer, a few signature cocktails or what not.

If you do not drink, then have a pop. Jeeze. People need to get their knickers out of their ar$e.

Here's the bottom line. The average American couple is spending tens of thousands of dollars to host the event of their lifetime. It is very likely that they will never, even if they are together for 60 years, host of party of this magnitude again. They will go on an austerity budget, work O/T, work on holidays for extra pay, take second and third jobs, wait several years, and some will even...shudder...take out a loan or second mortgage to host their dream weddings.

They're paying for a gown that is likely going to cost damn near $1K (if not more), an officiant, professional hair and make-up, a tuxedo rental, a very expensive venue of their choice, a caterer, a wedding cake, servers, a coordinator, a videographer, a photobooth, a limo, other assorted rentals, and a florist. Why wouldn't they want that party to end with their guests wanting more? Why would they spend that amount of money for a party that, devoid of alcohol, will have plenty of guests looking at their watches after dinner -- the point at which the party is really supposed to rip -- and then eyeing their partners with that, "Ready to go?" look?

The problem with the no-alcohol couples is that they think they are the individuals whose DIYs are so cute, the playlist is so great, the food is so superb, the cornhole lawn game is so much fun, etc., that they will beat human nature. Human nature, since recorded history began, equates fermented drink with celebrations. If a couple will not host alcohol, it would be in their best interest to host a far less expensive celebration -- cake and punch. They'll get the same two (or three, if they're lucky) hours they will with their five figure, dry wedding, and they'll probably have some money left in the bank the next day.

It doesn't sound like she will have to spend very much to pay for a consumption bar, if not many of her guests drink. But she should definitely have a qualified bartender serving the alcohol. If she has a dry wedding, there will be people drinking out of flasks or coolers in the parking lot. Probably the same people who got drunk at your wedding will BYOB and then there won't be a bartender to cut them off. So they might end up over doing it with the flask/BYOB. Versus if she provides beer/wine and talks to the bartenders about her concern, there is a lot less risk that anyone will overdo it and embarrass her with her in laws.

"So she is trying to 1) Keep the peace. And not make that situation any worse than it already is. 2) It'll be cheaper. She is a budget-whore. Lol and 3) Majority of people (all of the in laws, and maybe half of our side) won't drink anyway. It was like that at my wedding as well... But I still had it. "

Given those reasons I think 1 and 3 are valid reasons. But still for those who want an alcoholic drink, having a dry wedding can be horrible. I would recommend she has wine and/or beer as an option with dinner for those who desire alcohol and then leave it at that. No need for an open bar the whole night.

I went to a dry wedding once and I left early. And I was in the bridal party!!!