Dry wedding... **UPDATED**

@ALC, the budget is not my issue. That's the point I was trying to make, I didn't want people thinking I was trying to be cheap. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

I genuinely thank each of you for your advice. And for those of you who have never heard of dry weddings... Welcome to small town TN. Almost everything is dry here.

OP, I wasn't confused. By picking at you weighing the options with your father paying,my point was that you clearly see the solution to your problem but still felt the need to try and gain validation from this community. As if we were all going to say it was okay given your ~special circumstances.

Agree with @jacks ... just explain to your dad that not everyone shares the family values and that you would like to provide open beer/wine for those who do drink. Just do a consumption bar and that way you aren't being disrespectful to anyone... and I do believe you can have a fun evening wedding were there is dancing all night long.. just make sure you have a damn good dj that understands that it is a dry wedding that his MC skills need to be on point to get the party started and to keep it going ...

I have been to a few dry weddings for similar reasons as yours and it wasn't the end of the world. Was it the best wedding I have been to? Definitely not in my eyes. But it's what the couple wanted and I can respect that. It seems like most of your guests will not be "needing" alcohol and the 20 or so people who are missing it will survive.

Um....just for the record? I"m a pastor and I drink. My last congregation had multiple community events every year, and there was always wine.

You could consider doing a consumption bar (and paying for it yourself, not making your dad pay for something he doesn't agree with). I have been to a dry wedding with dancing, they do happen, they're just not as popular and those who would enjoy a glass of wine with their dinner will be a little put off (even if they don't tell you) and may leave earlier than they would if they'd had a couple cocktails.

It all comes down to what kind of host you want to be. You can cater to that 88% and hope that other 12% won't side-eye you too much and/or leave early, or you can cater to 100% of the guests and have options everyone will enjoy. If it is truly just 12% that will want a drink, the consumption bar is not going to cost you too much, and then you're guaranteed that ALL your guests will enjoy the party. To me that's really the drop dead point - I want EVERYONE to enjoy the party to it's fullest extent, not just 88% of them.

Thank you all so much for your advice and opinions. I think I am going to look into a consumption bar... I had never heard of those before.

And also, to clarify, my father will not love me any less if I do have drinks. I just know he will be disappointed. And maybe this is a whole separate issue, but after we lost my mom last year, he's been hard headed (to put it nicely) about pretty much everything, way more than he was before. So coming to him with this issue will be difficult for me.

Celia everyone is different in their convictions. Do I agree that ALL believers should not drink? No. But just as I don't want them judging me for drinking, I will not judge them for choosing not to drink.

I think it would be awesome if you could provide a few bottles of wine for the people that do drink. Maybe having a sit down conversation with your Dad would help.

Are you asking a question?

You can host a dry wedding. People who drink will be bummed, or annoyed, or just leave early. That's pretty much all there is to it.

I don't get the prohobition of alcohol by your sect of Christianity when it's not prohibited by the bible.. I'm sure your dress and every bible thumping guest's suits are made from mixed fabrics, you're probably serving shellfish, I won't begin to guess how many adulterers are in the room (statistically speaking), etc. But sure, ok, whatever. Do whatever your daddy tells you for the rest of your life. I'm not going to tell you to do otherwise, I'll just be extra thankful that I'm an individual adult who makes my own decisions and I don't have to live in that weird world.

Approach him about just wine and beer - seems like a decent compromise imo

As one possible solution:

We were guests at a wedding last year where the ballroom bar was soft drinks only (to defer to the bride's family, who are Muslim), but there was a bar set up in a room next door where people could get alcoholic beverages. Both families seemed to be happy with this arrangement, as were all the guests. Those of us who wanted drinks quietly got them in the other room and brought them back. Best of all worlds.

I don't see a problem with this. A dry wedding is NOT against etiquette, so you are not breaking etiquette. 88% of your guest list does not drink - the overwhelming majority - due to religious conviction. Religious conviction is one of the more acceptable reasons for a dry wedding (even on WW).

The type of wedding you have is up to you. If you want dinner and dancing, that's fine. You just have to accept that it may be less of a party atmosphere than if alcohol was served. Some people may leave early, especially the 12% that does drink. It's just the reality.

I applaud you, OP, for looking into a consumption bar.

While a majority of your guests may be of the Baptist faith -- and I know, the wine Jesus created from water at the wedding was allegedly Ambrosia (non-alcoholic) -- that doesn't mean that every guest believes a glass of wine and a dance is a fast track to a backslidden condition.

As your life expands, your will make tight connections with people of all cultures, religions, and philosophies. Perhaps some of those people are already your friends. Keep your options open -- the more diverse your social life, the more interesting and enriched your life will be.

No apologies, sweetie. Go ahead and offer adult beverages at the party of your life.

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with a dry wedding. The majority is not always correct. Chances are, if you don't drink, you don't hang with people who do, anyway. Have a dry wedding, despite what people on here say, it is perfectly polite.

A+ for looking into a consumption bar. It's probably your best bet with your 12% of drinkers.

FH's brother had a dry wedding for the very same reasons! Both sides of the family are conservative and very involved in their church. I was honestly surprised at how much dancing there was because there was no alcohol. Even though it was fun, I would have loved to be able to have a drink. If there is any way you can provide at least beer and wine, please do!!

My aunt had a dry wedding, I thought it was still very nice but it was a very laid back backyard bbq wedding, also no dancing but still had fun!

You rock Kreestan! I'm sorry to hear that you lost your mom, and that is a very, very difficult loss for both you and your father, and I'm sure it factors in to the way you're planning your own wedding especially when that loss is so fresh.

This is totally off the topic, but if you'd like to explore ways to celebrate her life at your ceremony, you're always welcome to PM me.

I've only been to one dry wedding. There was dancing, it was in the evening...the whole shebang. I personally had no thoughts on it because I came alone. Didn't know it'd be dry until I got there. I would look into a consumption bar if I were you but I think either go with that or go dry. I'd rather go to a dry wedding where I eat and drink (soda) to my heart's content than a wedding with a cash bar. A lot of posters aren't going to understand family dynamics the way you do.

And Chrissy, you're just trying to be ugly here. "Weird world", "do what your daddy tells you"...don't bring personal family snark into this. Leave that alone.