Aubrey
Dedicated September 2012

Down one bridesmaid. Am I in the wrong here?

Aubrey, on May 9, 2012 at 6:29 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12
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Back story, she is my cousins girlfriend and when I asked her to be a bridesmaid we were on good terms. I overheard her talking about my mom two months ago and I was not happy about it. I pushed that aside and I have been asking her when a good time would be available to try on dresses. Two of my bridesmaids live in Miami, and four live here. Cailin (the one that dropped) is the only bridesmaid that has made no effort in helping out with anything and has not tried on one dress. Now she isn't even getting into Miami until the morning of.

I thanked her for the help she has given me (which isn't any but my thank you was very sincere.), and for listening to me rant and rave. My family thinks I am being a brat, and that I am over reacting and I am not being understanding. I understand that school is a priority but I would never accept to be a bridesmaid if I cannot find time or money for a dress, or even attend the rehearsal. So am I wrong? Am I being a brat?




12 Comments

Latest activity by Aubrey, on May 9, 2012 at 11:07 PM
  • Shellie
    VIP July 2012
    Shellie ·
    • Flag

    From the texts i don't think you put it harshly, but i do think that you need to be more understanding of her school schedule.

    One of our GM will not be arriving in town until the morning off because he recently got married and they are going on a cruise for their honeymoon that doesn't come in till that morning. It sucks, but we certainly wouldn't kick him out for it.

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  • Aubrey
    Dedicated September 2012
    Aubrey ·
    • Flag

    I am understanding of her schedule and that is the main reason I do not want to pressure her into being a bridesmaid. She has no money for the dress which I completely understand, (I have been a single mom for 5 years I know the broke feeling (she has no kids) but she is going on a last minute vacation this weekend but hasn't been able to once try on a dress in the last 2 months.

    I don't want to be a jerk but like I said I wouldn't accept to be a bridesmaid if I couldn't make the rehearsal or try on dresses.

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  • Meghan
    Master August 2011
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    From the tests, it would be easier on her to just be a guest. I'd tell your family that you two come to a mutual decision that she step down. It's not that you don't care about her, and want her in your bridal party. It's that you realize it's a very large time and financial commitment, and would cause her undue hardship.

    She is the one that said it would be easier for her to be a guest. I'd ask her to do some day of job- like man the guest table and greet the guests coming in to the ceremony. Or maybe she can handle making sure vendors get final payments and their tips. Or some other job that has her involved, but doesn't require much more than a time commitment she is already giving just by attending.

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  • Jeremy and Alysha Cooks
    Super December 2014
    Jeremy and Alysha Cooks ·
    • Flag

    I just lost a bridesmaid for a similar issue. Much more detailed but whatever.

    I think how you put it was fine. She excepted just being a guest with what seemed to be no problems.

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  • Aubrey
    Dedicated September 2012
    Aubrey ·
    • Flag

    She is supposed to bring over dresses for my sisters formal tomorrow and she just called her and cancelled with no explanation. I think she's upset with me.

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  • pearl
    VIP August 2012
    pearl ·
    • Flag

    Honestly I think because of a school schedule, one day that seemed she wouldn't be able to make it was kinda harsh to just kick her out. No matter if you put it nicely. Of course she will say yes since you pretty much hinted to her and no one wants to feel awkward. I would be a little butthurt. You weren't harsh as in mean, but you were quick to give her the boot. This is just my opinion, Don't hate me.

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  • Shannon
    Master August 2013
    Shannon ·
    • Flag

    I have to second what Pearl said, you were pretty quick to hint at the quick out and it's hard to read peoples emotions and what they mean in a text message so she may have taken things in a harsher way than you intended to write them. With her living out of town and being in school it is difficult to rearrange schedules and school is very important. As far as her not having money for a dress and taking a last minute vacation when you are studying all the time sometimes that is needed. I don't know what program she is in or where she attends school but sometimes you just need to get off of campus. I've had weekends like that where last minute we went somewhere (almost free trip other than our gas type of thing but you need that sometimes). Remember everyone has their own lives and your wedding isn't always their #1 To-Do item.

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  • Aubrey
    Dedicated September 2012
    Aubrey ·
    • Flag

    I totally agree with you both Shannon and Pearl, but we do have some underlying reasons why I wanted her out of the bridal party. This was just the straw that broke the camels back I guess. I spoke with my cousin (her boyfriend) and he said she was looking for an out anyway because she simply cannot afford the wedding and that is why she has been avoiding me. That is fine with me I just wish she would have told me back in November, or would have been honest with me up front about it. I do agree that I was very quick to kick her out today and if the schedule was the only reason I was kicking her our, I know I would have been in the wrong.

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  • keli716
    VIP September 2012
    keli716 ·
    • Flag

    My step sister wont be at our rehearsal because of when she is flying in..i personally don't see missing rehearsal as a big deal, its something that is typically easy to explain to the her if she can't attend.

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  • B'Loved
    VIP November 2013
    B'Loved ·
    • Flag

    Keli, I personally don't think you were harsh at all. People sometimes get caught up in the whole BP thing, and don't take into consideration the time the bride is expecting them to set aside and the money it will cost to be a part of the ceremony.

    And as far as missing the rehearsal dinner, I have made it very clear with my BP that all meetings, especially the rehearsal dinner as mandatory. The rehearsal dinner is the last meeting before the ceremony. This is were all last minute information will be provided.

    If you agree to be in the BP, then you should (within reason) be present. And not just to run errands and help the bride and groom.

    I have not really called on my BP for too many errands, but when I need them for ideas, a rant or suggestions, they have been there for me.

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  • Mrs V (Roe)
    Master August 2013
    Mrs V (Roe) ·
    • Flag

    I agree with B'Loved. I don't think you were harsh at all. I think you were proactive in averting a disaster later on and you were being accommodating giving her a way to back out while saving face.

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  • Aubrey
    Dedicated September 2012
    Aubrey ·
    • Flag

    Thank you Ladies for all of your words and input, I need it to keep me grounded.

    It also looks like in my pic a part was chopped off. Our ceremony is supposed to take place around 2 in the afternoon. I think her getting into Miami that morning isn't realistic. I hope she can attend but I am thinking that wont happen. I just hope my cousin doesn't ditch my wedding because she is, I have a feeling he will.

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