Does FMIL stand for future mother in law or monster in law?? ANY ADVICE? PLEASE

I have a FMIL that makes snide comments about my FFIL and his wife.. so I feel kind of like Im in the same boat.

The best advice I got was to let FH talk to her. And let it be.

If things dont get better after that, thats when you should say something.

Hope that helps?

I had a similar situation (and I'm sorry to hear you're going thru this).

My MIL loved me while DH and I were dating, than instantly hated me 3 days after we got engaged. She made the planning process horrible...my mom cried and didn't even want to help me b/c she was so upset with what was going on.

I eventually stopped talking to her during the planning process, for my own sanity...she wasn't helping with her attitude and only upset me...so for my own well-being, I choose to stop communication. I played nice during the planning process if I had to communicate with her, only b/c I feared she'd do something to destroy our wedding day...she didn't destroy it, but she did make a horrible scene by yelling at my mom at our reception even though my mom has done nothing to her.

Bottom line, you need to do what's best for YOU and your FH. If your FH is seeing this and is on your side, you're golden. Be nice, but avoid communication as much as possible. If need be, (cont)

I would have your FH talk to is mother. After all it is his MOTHER/MONSTER. Maybe he could sit down with her for lunch "alone" and see is she has problem/concerns that they can straighten out. He can also tell her that you both would like to involve her more but not sure if that is what she wants because she has been so rude about things. Maybe between the two of them they can straighten things out and let you and your FMIL have a much better relationship.

You are setting the tone for the rest of your marriage. I would have family members who are planning things for the two of you to reach out to her for help. Or give her a call and say these are the things we have left to tackle before the wedding would you be interested in helping with anything.

Whatever you do DO NOT confront her. She may be just dealing with the fact that you are taking her baby away. I know that sounds crazy but my FMIL has told me several times she is so glad that we get along because she wouldn't be able to deal with not seeing her son on holidays because we are always at my parents home.

Plan your own rehearsal dinner. DO NOT let this woman have control. Sadly, she will be a part of your life forever.

I have yet to talk to my MIL since the wedding. I'm so angry with her and what she did to my mom...not to mention all the other crap she pulled during the planning process. She can't even take responsibility for her actions...she doesn't think what she did is wrong.

The person who is effected most out of all this is my husband...and everyday, I see his pain. And b/c I am part of the problem, I can't even help him. I see how his mother is...the kind of person she is...he's slowly getting there, but it's very hard on him...it's his mom.

You need to sit down with your FH and decide what is best for the two of you...but I highly recommend avoiding communication as much as possible and being extremely nice when you have to communicate with her. I also think it's best after you two have a talk about it, that your FH is the one who brings up the issue with his mom to her.

Use positive questioning strategies:

What can I do to help you feel more involved?

What can I do to help make this a less stressful time for you?

Could you please explain why you feel that I should have sleeves?

I know it sounds a little crazy, but she may sit back and really have some great ideas or realize the way she says things could be hurtful. I use these strategies at work. I don't speak to my FMIL, but my finace has my back on that. I would say that if FH doesn't want to make a big deal out of it, than listen to him; it is HIS family.

I have always heard that the mother of the groom should wear beige to blend in with the background. My mom told me that at my brother's wedding, and she felt left out, but realized that it was okay too. Feel free to private message me for any other suggestions.

My MIL is not a "monster" but she not invovled in our lives at this point. That is DH's choice and I support it because its whats best for us. Long story short, BIL and SIL kept screwing us over and treating us like scum through the middle/end of planning and decided the morning of, that they didn't feel like coming to the wedding. That was the straw that broke the camels back and DH no longer feels that he has a brother. Well, MIL sided with them, and allowed BIL to block our numbers on her phone so that we cannot contact her and did nothing to fix that. Claims that she doesn't want to be put in the middle but jumps to defend the spoiled 28 year old child and his devil wife. These 2 have done so much to rip a family apart yet she still coddles them. She doesnt want to play favorites but shes treated my DH totally different than the other 3 kids his whole life and apparetnly ad grown men, the youngest 2 still need mommy to coddle and tell them theyre always right. Its BS..

I can understand where you are coming from. My FMIL makes comments all the time to my face, to my bridesmaids, to my mom. Our wedding is in less than two months and she hasn't even purchased her dress. She bought one that is "okay" and lacks elegance (doesn't go with anything in our wedding) but she keeps saying "I'm still looking". She wants to wear pink, which is one of our colors and my MOH is wearing pink so I asked her that she not wear it.

My FH and I just had a fight about her this morning because I am almost at my wits end with my FMIL and her comments. I bit my tongue out of respect for my FH but pretty soon I am just going to let loose on her. She bullies people into doing what SHE wants to do and walks all over her three sons & husband. If its not her way then its the highway. I cannot stand her most days.

I think a lot of us have spats with our FMIL. I'd suggest not having her involved in the wedding planning process(which shouldnt be too hard since she isn't paying), and when you do need her for things, be extra sweet(just for the wedding's sake). If you do feel like something needs to be said, I DEFINITELY think you should have FH do it.

My FMIL has been a total pain too. It took her 6 months to get me a guest list and when she did it was 95 people long when i had told her I had budgeted 30 people for her side. AHHH!!!! However, FH and I called FFIL and explained to him why I was so upset, and FFIL saw this as his opportunity to win me over for good- he said "cut that list however you would like to, don't even bother telling her, let me handle her because it is your wedding and you shouldn't have to worry like this." He and I have had our differences, but saying this made me know for sure that despite it all, he's got my back SO is there any way you or your FH can talk to your FFIL and he can help talk some sense into her? Let's be honest, sometimes men can be more sensible than women, especially in the case of mothers trying to let go of their little boys and let another woman take over in their lives!

Agh so many things to rant about, but I've decided to no longer discuss the people that are annoying me during the wedding planning process. ( deep calming breath) I'm so sorry for all the ladies going through the unnecessary stress, pain and aggravation during a time when loved ones should be supportive.

Though I am sorry to hear everyone else's stories I cannot help but feel glad to realize I am not the only one going through such a situation. Thank you all for the advice. I really think planning my own (or having a different family member) plan the rehearsal dinner is a good idea, but I also think having my FH speak with his mother is a good idea as well. For me, I think I will be avoiding her at ALL costs for now. By asking him to speak with her at least Im technically trying to get her involved right?

I've noticed my FMIL getting worse and worse the closer to the wedding we get. In fact, she's even started becoming openly hostile towards me. Yelling at me about my parenting choices, in a public restaurant. I told FH that I was going to put his mother in her place, loud enough for her to hear, if she didn't shut her mouth. It's been a blessedly quiet couple weeks since then. Thankfully, I have an FH with a spine who backs me up to Mommy Dearest. Like your FMIL, mine constantly makes a point of saying "well I'm not paying for it." She's always telling FH we should just elope. We just don't discuss details with her. We've found it's just easiest. It's possible that may be the step you need to take. Perhaps once she realizes her attitude is causing her to be left out, she'll sweeten up. Or continue being the bitter hag she chooses to be.