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Dedicated September 2016

Do we invite his ex-wife??

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MathewsEverAfter, on March 23, 2016 at 11:36 PM

This is my first (hopefully only) marriage and I want it to be special. My fiancé has been married previously and has two young daughters with his ex. He really wants them to be a part of the wedding, and I agreed that it would be a special memory. However, the question of whether to invite his ex-wife popped up and I'm not sure how to take it. At first, I didn't really care and he said it was up to me -- however, now, whenever we discuss wedding plans with his side of the family, they bring her up. They compare the details of my plans to the way my FH and his ex's wedding was ... I tried to brush it off because it seemed petty...but now it just seems to be sucking all the excitement and joy right out of me Ultimately, I think this if she's there, I won't feel as happy ... I know I need to say something to my FH soon, but I'm not sure how to approach it. And how can I kindly ask his family to stop comparing me to his ex?

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67 Comments

VIP June 2016
UnderTheJuneWillows · on March 24, 2016 at 11:47 PM
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Something to maybe consider...... No, you are in no way obligated to invite her. HOWEVER, a discussion with his family may be in order, but not to vent and get angry. They were family... all of them. She was their daughter-in-law, for however long. It sounds like they are mourning the loss of her, and they need to do that before they can celebrate the addition of you. I would love to invite my ex's parents...my former in-laws. We were family for more than 15 years. Both my parents are dead, and they are the only family I have known and been close to since I married. I divorced their son, but honestly, I didn't really realize I was divorcing them, too.... the ONLY grandparents my daughter has. And my ex and I have a very healthy co-parenting relationship. There is no animosity between us. He was a really, really crappy husband, but he is a good dad to my daughter. My FH, on the other hand, has a HORRIBLE relationship with his ex and he cannot wrap his head around people being divorced and amicable. It is hard for me. Although it isn't the same as inviting the ex spouse, I am saddened that I can't have my ex MIL and FIL there because there is some rule book about what should feel awkward and what shouldn't. They were family.
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VIP December 2017
Nessa · on March 25, 2016 at 12:30 AM
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No invite, it's unnecessary. Agree wth everyone else, FH needs to speak to family.
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Expert April 2016
Kerri · on March 25, 2016 at 12:33 AM
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I wouldn't invite my FH ex just because she so lovingly told me it wouldn't be long before I would be FH "other ex wife". She is currently on her 4th marriage....
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Master October 2017
JennV · on March 28, 2016 at 2:42 PM
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No.
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Devoted May 2017
destiny · on March 28, 2016 at 5:58 PM
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Fuck No!!!! Her petty ass will only go to judge!!!
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Master January 2017
Hot Like Bea · on March 28, 2016 at 5:59 PM
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TL;DR

The short answer is no.

The long answer is a world of no.

The longest answer is a universe of no.
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Just Said Yes September 2020
Lu Petronelli · on February 26, 2019 at 12:19 PM
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I wouldn't. For me, the guests will focus on how we interact and it's a distraction. That's it, no drama or anything like that. Being friends is a good thing, but being a guest not necessary.
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