Do we invite his ex-wife??

You are under NO obligation to invite your FH's ex to the wedding. It is wrong of them to keep comparing the weddings. I love the first comment on this post - that's exactly what I would say! It's none of their business.

I wouldn't invite her!!! That would make you so uncomfortable. You do need to speak with your FH and he should put a stop to his family bringing her up

WHAT?!! I didnt read all the comments.

Just let me say .. HELL NO SHE IS NOT INVITED!

Next time people compare your wedding to hers you could politely say something like "I understand he's been through this before, but this is my first wedding and I want to do it my own way. Hearing about (Insert name here) kind of makes me upset while planning my wedding."

Or some variation. They could be stupid enough not to realise that they are out of line and hurting your feelings. I can't even imagine. Sorry!!!

Fuck no you don't invite her unless you want it to be a shit show.

Guys,,, I love this forum and all of you and have always appreciated all the awesome conversation.. OP has brought something to the table that is seriously upsetting her.. all of this "great idea!" stuff is too much. I know you're upset, but keep that for the troll posts and not when someone is having a genuine concern. Seeing that is making me even more upset with what WW is becoming

Great idea!

I wouldn't invite her unless you had a relationship with her which seems like you don't. She doesn't need to be there. I wouldn't hold my tongue if anyone in his family compared her to me. I'd shut it down myself.

Perhaps it's just me but every time I pick something for the wedding I ask my FH if he did something similar at his last wedding, and if it's a yes, that things gets the boot. His Ex is actually super nice, their divorce was amicable, but i'd still like ours to be nothing alike.

My friend's wedding was also her first and her husband's second. She felt a little awkward in the planning and wanted to avoid things that were done with the first wedding like colors. Remember that its just a wedding, not a marriage.

You definitely should NOT invite his ex. That would be seriously awkward and there is no reason to have her there.

No, don't invite the ex.

I would like to add that maybe just ask his family why they bring it up. They may think they're helping and/or don't realize they're doing it. Next time I would say something like

"I am sure you're not doing it intentionally but whenever you bring up *ex wife* it makes me upset and think that you are comparing us. I know he has a past with her but I'm trying to plan our future and those comments aren't really helping."

Maybe talk to FH, too. He shouldn't be making this "up to you." That is unfair and putting pressure on you. He should be the one realizing the impropriety.

There are two separate issues here. Anyone comparing your wedding to his last wedding is way out of line. It is rude and disrespectful to you and it needs to stop. I think your FH has to step up and ask everyone to stop.

Inviting her to the wedding is another issue. I think I'm in the minority here, but I think it depends on the situation. You and FH will not really be able to take care of the children. Are they close with his relatives? Would they just be happier and more comfortable with their mom there? If that's not an issue, then how did their marriage end? If it was a nasty divorce then she has no business being there. If it was amicable and she has no hostility towards you, then maybe. It may make her feel better about her children having a new step mother if she is there to witness it. But in the end, it's really up to you and FH. If it means a lot to him, it's worth considering. On the same token, if you would be that uncomfortable with it, she shouldn't be there casting a shadow on your big day.

Uhm no!

Don't invite her. But I agree with having the kids in the wedding. Talk to him and maybe he can pass the message to his family.

There are divorced couples who can remain great friends....which is great when you have children. And sometimes the new partner can have a friendly relationship with their spouses ex. So, in that circumstance I can see an invitation. This doesn't sound like that type of situation. And making comparisons is considerably rude.

NO

Depends on if it's someone you can get along with. I've known people to invite their ex's but only when there's kids involved

Hell no

I wouldn't invite her