Divorced Parent Issue

View Quoted Comment

You could not be more wrong. You could try, but you would not be successful.

"and this "social unit" term is a made up excuse for rudeness"- and this makes absolutely no sense at all. It's splitting up a couple that's rude. Including someone's SO because they are a social unit whether you like them or not is the opposite of rude. Are you sure you know what "rude" means?

View Quoted Comment

YES IT DOES! A "partner" isn't as important as a spouse.! Why would anyone bother getting married if they feel this way? Why have so many of us fought for the rights for EVERYONE to be married, if it doesn't matter at all? A spouse has a special status, and if someone chooses NOT to marry someone, it's because they do not want to give their "partner" that status.

View Quoted Comment I definitely get where you’re coming from. We had this same issue with exH’s dad and his SO. His parents don’t get along at all so we actually had to sit them at separate tables across the reception space from each other.

View Quoted Comment

They're not a couple. If you are not married or engaged, and you do not live with someone, and you haven't been together for over a year- YOU ARE NOT A COUPLE. No one is "splitting" up an imaginary couple.

View Quoted Comment

I honestly don't know how/why the parents table came to be. Maybe it's a cultural thing for my in-laws because they were the ones very eager for a parents table (both sets of parents like each other and get along). I think it's an honoring your parents thing.

View Quoted Comment

Obviously their relationship has changed and progressed in between the time when you first had this conversation with him to now. Can't you accept the possibility that there's no ulterior motive here, and your dad simply wants to celebrate his own daughter's wedding with the woman he cares about??

View Quoted Comment

Yes, Sarah, if you want to be pedantic. Just as having sex with someone a day before their 18th birthday is illegal, but having sex with them ON their birthday is fine .

Edited to remove the creepy looking smiley face. I smile too much. It looked very inappropriate after the last sentence,

View Quoted Comment

BAAHAHAHA I'm literally dying over here. "if you haven't been together for over a year- YOU ARE NOT A COUPLE"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Where do you get this stuff? Honestly.

View Quoted Comment Okay Mimi you do you boo. Some of us choose to believe that the other person in a relationship with our friends and family members are significant no matter their timeline. Guess I value my circle’s happiness more than the title they give the person they’re with.

View Quoted Comment I get what you are saying but my dad called all of his girlfriends his "friends" after he divorced my mom. I don't think it changes the fact that she is his SO all that much based on the verbiage. It's totally not cool for someone to agree to something and then go back on it but I don't think that warrants her not getting an invite.
If I were you, I would re-do your seating arrangements so that your dad and his GF are sitting with his family members and your mom is sitting with her parents. I'm sorry you are in a tough situation. This stuff is hard

View Quoted Comment

That's actually a really interesting point. I hadn't thought of it in that way.

Goodness.

My ILs are divorced. We gave both of them a "plus one". My FIL brought his (evil) gf and my MIL brought a friend. Would I have loved to say no to FIL, especially cause gf is a horrible person? Sure. But that's not what you do to family. They are a unit. You invite them both. Like PP said, have three tables for parents and their family/friends. By first, not inviting her and second, exiling her to another table, you are really drawing a line in the sand and being kinda cruel re: their relationship.

Some of these comments are so stupid it's scary.

View Quoted Comment

Yes it is difficult. Thank you.

View Quoted Comment

Sadly there's not a lot of trust and good intentions in the history of my parents toward one another. So that's probably why my mind jumped to my Dad potentially having a bad motive.

View Quoted Comment

I love this

I don’t think your dad inviting his girlfriend to your wedding is him “making the wedding all about him and his date.” All of the focus will still be on you and your future husband. Maybe, they weren’t serious or she was just a “friend” when you first offered a plus one but I see nothing wrong with him bringing her. H’s parents are long divorced - his dad brought a plus one and his mom did not. No one cared. Is there a reason you feel your mom is going to be visibly distressed over this? I’m not trying to be snarky (I swear, I know this is sensitive) but did she not think her ex was dating/moving on? Or did they have a nasty divorce? If it’s the former, well, I don’t know, it’s not really fair for her to be upset he’s dating. If it’s the latter and they had a nasty divorce, they shouldn’t be at the same table regardless.

As far as him only referring to her as a “girlfriend” when it’s convenient, all I can say is he might not feel comfortable explaining his love life with his daughter.

I think you should graciously allow him to bring her. I would also suggest rethinking the seating arrangements. I find a parents table quite odd, to be honest. Mine and H’s parents do not socialize and preferred to be sat with close relatives from their own side of the family. Likewise, my grandmother wanted to sit with her sister and not my parents.

View Quoted Comment I guess my husband and I should start signing divorce papers. We got married just shy of knowing each other for a full year. I guess we need to redo knowing each other for a longer time and dating for our marriage to be official.

View Quoted Comment

Well, whether that's the case or not, I maintain that your best move is to invite him with his girlfriend, and put each set of parents at their own tables with their own families or friends.

Also not for nothing, and I know everyone's parents are different, but mine hadn't communicated much for the last decade until I got engaged, and then my sister got engaged shortly after. I think our weddings actually brought my mom and dad a little closer to each other. They're both happily remarried for like 20 years, but having their daughters' weddings 11 months apart forced them to spend a fair amount of time together, and by the end of it all, they were definitely more friendly than they had been in past years, and I think they've learned to respect each other's spouses. They put aside their history to share in the joy that the 2 kids they made together were getting married. I hope yours will be able to do the same. Sincerely. But that will never happen if you turn this into WWIII with your dad over his gf.

View Quoted Comment

A couple is anyone that is in a relationship. How long someone has been together isn't important. FH and I knew we were going to get married about 4 months in, and we didn't get engaged or live together until after we had been together for a year. We were still considered a couple. We were invited to places as a social unit. Your post is saying that your relationship didn't matter for the first year you were with your fiance, and I don't think that's true.