Divorced Parent Issue

My advice is your wrong here. Your dad is a social unit with his girlfriend. She is his SO, she should have been invited as such (with her name on the invitation) and she should be seated with him regardless of what anyone else says. If my daughter told me my husband couldn’t sit with me because her dad didn’t think it was a good idea, I’d think long and hard about the relationship I had with her and I’d probably consider not attending. You need to respect your father’s relationship.

She has to be seated with your dad because they are a social unit. Maybe consider an actual seating arrangement to make sure she's completely away from your mom.

I have divorced parents and tip toeing around the "friends" was hard for me too. Good luck!

I wouldn’t want her at the parents table. I agree with you and your family. Even though they’re a social unit, she isn’t a stepmother and I don’t feel she belongs there.

She should be invited but I would try to update your seating arrangement to have your parents at two separate tables possibly... because I do think she should be seated next to your dad.

We are seating my future FIL's gf at the same table as my parents, future MIL and future step FIL. If the dad's gf came into the picture after the invites went out, you can exclude her. But, if she's been in the picture all along, she should be invited. You can always have each parent host a table of their own and include grandparents on that side, family friends, etc. But, whatever you do, don't seat the gf separately from your father (this is only okay when doing a head table with BP only).

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But that's the dilemma, they aren't married or engaged and he only ever refers to her as his girlfriend when it's convenient for him. Most days she's just "a friend" which seems wrong and weird to me. If it were his wife then without a doubt she'd be invited.

Agree with other PP's.

I would invite your Dad's gf by name on the invitation and not have a parent's table and seat them all with people they know and love.

I disagree with the whole social unit thing here. Your father declined his plus one earlier. Also, if you are having a parents table, like PP said she doesn't belong there as she is not a parent or stepparent.

If they were married different story. But they're not. So you can tell your father she can come but cannot sit at the parents table with him or he can come alone.

View Quoted Comment But plenty of people choose not to remarry after a divorce. That doesn’t make their partner less important.

I have divorced parents too so I am familiar with the shenanigans that go along with them and wedding planning.

I would invite the girlfriend, but I agree that she should not be at the "parents" table. Can you do a different seating arrangement that puts your mom's family together at one table and dad/girlfriend at another with dad's family? This is what my plan is to do at my own wedding.

If he won't take no for an answer and you want the girlfriend to come to your wedding just sit them both your dad and his girlfriend at a different table. I did not have my divided parents sit at the same table. I had a mom table and a dad table.

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I appreciate your reply. To me it seems strange, as I commented on another response, my Dad only calls her his girlfriend when it's convenient for him. Every other day (95% of the time) she's his "friend." Plus, I honestly can't imagine her wanting to be around mostly strangers and a distressed ex-wife. And it seems bad on my Dad's part to know that we're about to lock in the head count (tomorrow!) and squeeze in another person while simultaneously going back on the agreement he willingly made with my Mom and me.

View Quoted Comment I disagree. This is less about her doing the right thing, and more about her father doing the right thing *for their situation*.
My parents are *long* divorced. My mother is remarried. My father brought a long time girlfriend to my sister's wedding. We all knew and loved her. She got a corsage and was seated with family, although she wasn't at all a parent to us. (Her daughter and son-in-law were invited.) This was right for us!
FMIL has a long term boyfriend I've been told she won't be inviting, though. It would make people uncomfortable, for various personal reasons, and she recognizes this isn't the time.

View Quoted Comment But she’s the one recognizing that. OP’s dad wants to bring his girlfriend.

Is there a reason that they all have to sit at a parents table? It seems like it would be a lot easier if your dad and his gf were at one table, maybe with relatives from his side?, and your mom was at another table

I would definitely split up your parents table. My FH's parents are divorced and his dad has been remarried for 17 years. I'm seating his mom with her friends, sister, and mom. I'll put his dad and step mom with my mom and dad and some aunts and uncles. I would definitely update the seating arrangement and let his girlfriend come.

You can't tell your dad that he can't bring his girlfriend, unfortunately. It sucks if he did really make that agreement with your mom, and is now going back on it, but maybe he wasn't seeing this other woman at the time, or think then that he'd want to.

As far as the tables go, I personally think it's weird to have the parents of the bride sitting with the parents of the groom anyway. I would think they'd rather sit with their respective families or close friends. So what I would do, is have 3 parent tables, and then let each set of parents choose who goes at their table. My parents are divorced, so we had 3 parent tables (H's parents, my mom & stepdad, my dad & stepmom), and they all chose to have their closest friends sit with them.

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The other PP's are WRONG. You do not have to extend an invite to her. Unless she and your father are living together or have been together more than a year, she is NOT a "significant" other, and this "social unit" term is a made up excuse for rudeness. Only significant others should be invited. Just as it is ok to have a dry wedding, it is ok to refrain from inviting plus ones- and anyone who is not significant is a plus one.

We aren't all "social units". Many of us manage to go to dinner, the movies, parties, etc. all by our selves-when we're married and when we're single. You do need to invite the whole couple to most events, but you do not have to bestow "couple" status on any adults who've seen each other recently. It's an absurd, entitled, and RUDE expectation by the majority here. But it's still wrong. The majority isn't always right.

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You're right. What frustrates me is that he specifically said no to her coming and now suddenly, for no apparent reason, she's no longer his "friend" she's his "girlfriend" and she needs to come. I can't help but worry he's just trying to cause trouble with his ex (my Mom). IDK.

View Quoted Comment So at 364 days in, someone isn’t significant, but magically day 365 makes them so?