What would you do if your FH passed away?

Wow there are a lot of strong ladies here on WW. When FH changed me to his beneficiary on his life insurance I spent some time thinking about what I'd do if I lost him. I can't speak to how I'd act in the days immediately following, but I'm pretty sure I'd sell our house and go back to school. I just can't imagine trying to live the life we have planned without him, so I'd have to come up with a new plan.

Ha we love your wisdom. And I'm going to change my original wording so it sounds less judgey. I really didn't mean it that way.

Ren: You actually answered the question the way I intended people to. Like what would be your PLAN? Does anyone actually have one? I something think of what mine would be. What steps I would have to take to be able to move on, since so much of my life revolves around him at the moment.

A boyfriend of mine in high school that I dated for a year and a half killed himself (we actually weren't together at the time, we had broken up the month before for good) and I blamed myself. I wouldn't come out of my room for over a month except to eat and use the bathroom. I just stared at the wall all day and night when I wasn't sleeping. Even after I finally came out I felt like I was a zombie for months. A lot of it was guilt, like I should of known he was planning that. It still hurts to this day.

I can't even imagine how I would react if I lost FH, ****x worse. Especially because we have a daughter together.

I would probably scream cry and possibly have to be institutionalized at least temporarily. I can not imagine my life w/o FH, him and my son are what keep me going and keep me positive. Before either of them was around I had severe depression and anxiety but they balance me out show me how beautiful life really is and I'm thankful every day to have them with me.

If FH had a motherless child I would raise her no questions asked.... Me and FH have talked about if god forbid anything happened to me he would raise my son, after all we are the only parents he has ever known. Losing one would be devastating losing both of us might break him for life.

Ugh I don't even know! I cry just thinking about it, especially when I'm watching war movies I sob like a baby! Although it can happen anywhere I'm so thankful he got through this deployment and the other one safely but I would just not know what to do. I'm pretty sure I'd shut down completely and social media would be the last place I'd even think about using

Karen I'm so sorry you went through that but I admire you for your courage and strength.

Karen, you seriously never cease to amaze me. Always with the best answers to things, whether snarky or serious.

FH has been such an integral part of my life for so long, that I think I would literally be lost without him. I feel like you have no choice but to survive, in whatever way works for you. Take it day by day? I'd probably survive through outward stoicism, but be dead inside, to be honest ha. I think I would definitely move out of our house though. That would probably be too much of a constant reminder.

Spin-off question: what would happen to your relationship with your FILs if something happened to FH? FH's mom has been single for about 35 years--her only other family besides FH is her sister (who is *older* than her) and her niece (who has her own life). I hope I could be there for FH's mom as if he were still around, b/c I know he wouldn't want her to be left alone. . .

Also, as a side note, as awful as it is, it is so important to be prepared for anything-- at least from a legal stand point. Living wills, life insurance, advanced (medical) directives, last will and testament, etc-- my father had NONE of this and straightening out his affairs after he died was a nightmare. Even despite having plenty of money in his accounts, paying for his funeral was a struggle because without any of this paperwork in place, we couldn't touch his money until after an administrator was assigned (which took almost a month).

You are all too sweet, and I don't handle compliments or sympathy well. I will say this. Thank you. It means a lot to me.

FH and I spent a lot of time discussing this when I purchased more life insurance and named him as my beneficiary. I honestly don't have plan on how I would progress, because I can't imagine going on without him. I really don't know how I would live day to day without FH. I know I'd have to make myself, but it'd be tough. I did the whole, "Now I'm naming you beneficary. But I want you to have some money to have fun on. And I want you to fall in love again, etc." It's really hard for either of us to talk about.

I know if Seth passed, I'd still be a part of his family. They would want me to, and I'd need them to feel close to him. (I'm in tears ha! I'm a sap) We've already said I'd take his dog and anything I wanted of his. Snip (dog) doesn't do well with other people and when Seth and I started dating he took a LONG time to warm up to me. Now him and I are best friends, so he's mine. I couldn't continue living in our house, I'd definatly want to move. I just don't know where, or when, or what I would do. I'd be a zombie.

This is morbid. I won't entertain you with an answer.

I agree it is morbid, but not thinking about it at all can put you in the same position as Barbara's father and his family. To go through life never thinking about it because you don't think it can happen is dangerous to me. Do I like thinking about being in that situation? Uh, no. But we are all mortal beings, and I'm way to A-type to not have any semblance of a plan.

Probably spiral into a deep depression and hope I come out of it. Sigh.

People grieve in different ways. Some people need to have people around them, while others need to be alone. I am the latter. I need that time alone to think and get my bearings.

Immediately, I would probably curl up with my dogs and mourn deeply. For days. I probably wouldn't eat and would torture myself with all the "what ifs" that would run through my head. I wouldn't be able to get rid of anything, wash anything of his, or join the world.

After a funeral, I would retract from the in laws. And then I would get my shit together. I've pulled myself through heartbreaking situations before, just me. I would probably move back to my home town, though. Then I would be a crazy dog lady for life.

Haha I totally would be a crazy dog lady too. I think I would probably move back to the town we lived in together for 5 years before we moved. We own a house there that my brother lives in (along with two roommates). I could get a job there pretty easily and I know I would have a social life. Moving back to my home town would probably make me even more depressed because I don't have anything left there besides my mom and sister. I love them, but no.

I'm a private griever. When my parents died (years apart), I locked myself in a room with a quilt for months each time. I didn't want to talk about them, I just wanted to move on. I didn't want to dwell. I certainly don't like crying in front of people.

If/when my husband dies, I will sell all my belongings and move to Europe. I have nothing holding me here except him, and I would go one with the next chapter of my life as soon as I could. I've seen enough death (literally - I watched both of my parents die) and I understand that death is just a part of life. I will survive if he dies first. It will be horrible and it will be sad, but I will move on.

If anyone worries, I'd highly recommend a book called "Man's Search for Meaning." It's written by a psychiatrist who was in a Holocaust camp. One of my favorite passages is when he explains that survivors don't survive well if they cling to their past. Those who survive are the ones who realize that the past is over, and that they must begin again and take a new direction.

I was really independent out of necessity before FH and a solo parent so I think the transition back wouldn't be drastic. But I would have "phantom limb" pains feeling like a big part was no longer there. I'm sure I would try to call hI'm all the time before remembering he wasn't there.

I have been there, done that and got the sympathy cards.

I am sure I have said most of this before but oh well.

My first husband was diagnosed with leukaemia before we got married, but his prognosis was good, one of the types they say you survive. However overnight (not literally but it felt like it) the doctors went from "positive outcomes" to making him "comfortable" (a word you don't want to hear) and picking drugs that wouldn't make him sick.

But you know what, you don't die with them. You are left standing there after the funeral and the cards by yourself.

But you have to keep living, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going because it is that or nothing.

Yes it is hard, some days more than others and you have to take everyday as it comes.

But eventually it doesn't hurt when you wake up, you can laugh without feeling guilty, then slowly without you realising it they get further away, and living without them isn't as hard as you thought it would be.

Barbara - in my case with the IL they are great, we still know each other very well and apart from things like the SIL engagement ring fiasco we are all good.

And if FH died, I would be in trouble - people would start thinking that I was bumping off my husbands.

A&J why would you retract from the in laws? Just curious!

I'd pull closer to Seth's family if I lost him. They'd be that little piece of him that I'd need, besides his dog.

I'm intrigued as well A&J, why?