I know its not my fault.... trigger warning !! UPDATE!

I love all his support this is my FH messages

Im so sorry you had to experience such things let alone with people you should be able to trust. Personally I wouldn't invite him if I were you, and if i did he definitely wouldn't be walking me down the aisle! Do NOT feel bad about whatever you choose to do. It is your day and you need to feel comfortable/ be happy about it.

he always tries his best to make me feel better

Your mom is so off-base in thinking your dad is entitled to be at your wedding, let alone be the one to walk you down the aisle. You have other people that you want to have the honor of escorting you down the aisle who did not molest you, who show you really love, and who respect you. Stick with your plan to have your son's or your brother walk with you.

Tell your mom that your dad gave up the privilege of escorting you on your wedding day or even attending your wedding or any other important milestone you experience the second he touched you inappropriately for the first time and shattered the trust you had in the man who was supposed to be a father to you.

I am so very sorry you are going through this. PP's have said it all and there is not much I can add - there is no reason for this man to receive even the thought of an invitation to the most special day of your life. Surround yourself with those who value, respect, and LOVE you. And none of those definitions include anyone who would take the side of those who have hurt you in the past.

Please, if you haven't already, consider seeing a professional therapist or counselor to help you work through this, heal, and move towards putting it behind you (as much as that is possible, anyway).

By the way, I'm in the DFW area as well - I know you mentioned you feel like you have no friends. I am always happy to be one if you ever need one! If you are comfortable, please message me anytime.

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. That's horrible.

I would think twice about inviting either parent. Why did your mom stay married to your dad/ try to convince you that you "have" to let him?

I definitely would not invite your dad. Yes it's a once in a lifetime event (or should be), but so was your childhood. I think you need to stand your ground and hold your head up high as you walk down with your brother or sons. Your mom is right, this happens once, so pick who you love, who respects you, and who you are comfortable with!

This is your day. You make the decisions on what you want. He made his decisions years ago and for that he gets the consequences.

I was molested by my paternal grandfather, and not only is he not invited to my wedding, he is not in my life. He is 100% dead to me and I would not hesitate to cut anyone else from my life who tried to insinuate that it should be otherwise.

You have every right to dictate how much contact he gets to have and whether he gets in invite. NOBODY ELSE.

I am so sorry you had to go through that. I hope you received some kind of counseling after that happened. My daughters bio dad molested her 1 time when she was 4, she told me right away and we went straight to the hospital and the police were called. When she graduated from high school my mom had the nerve to ask me if I was inviting him to her graduation because he paid child support the whole time. Some people just have no common sense.

No. I find it strange your mom would even ask, honestly.

I'm so sorry OP. He doesn't deserve the honor of walking you down the aisle. Please don't feel bad. This is not your fault at all

Please do not invite him. He doesn't need to be there for anything. He took advantage of you and molested you after you told him that his brothers had done it. That's sick on so many different levels. Why on earth did you mother stay with him and allow your other siblings to have contact with him. Please don't beat yourself up or allow others to make you feel guilty. You didn't deserve it and did nothing wrong. Don't invite him.

I wouldn’t even be inviting mom if I were you...

I'm so happy that you have the support of your FH. And I agree with everyone else. He should not be invited to your wedding and don't feel bad one bit. Put your foot down towards your mom and tell her no and that you will not discuss the matter anymore. It's not up for discussion

Yall have no idea how i feel after everyones support.. I feel as if i was talking to friends like i said i have no friends no one to text (literally) and this was a hard thing to post.. i had counseling when i was in foster care but i seriously didn't like it and thought i didnt needed it, so far i haven't but i actually have thought about it maybe to just talk. THANK YOU THANK YOU SOO MUCH! for all the comments, I love yall guys so much for the support (my WW friends)

@Talia thank you .. your are so sweet i appreciate that so much

I'm so sorry this had happened to you. You should not feel bad or feel you have to do anything. It's your wedding day not your moms. I don't thing your dad should have the privilege to walk you down the aisle and if you don't want him to then that's all that matters. It's not about him or your mom. You do what your heart tells you if he makes you uncomfortable keep him alway.

We are all here for you!

OP you are not wrong. They are wrong for asking him to walk with you. They are wrong for even thinking he has a right to witness your wedding. So many people try coerce and shame victims into thinking they have to forgive the abuser. Fuck that. If finding a way to forgive and have him in your life is helpful or healing FOR YOU, then you have every right to pursue that. On the other hand, if you decide to never see him again, that does not make you a bad person in any way. Fuck what he wants or needs or thinks. I wonder if part of their insistence with him walking you is that they would be too embarrassed or ashamed to have other people see that he is not a good father. They are afraid for others to see how much damage he has caused and the trust he has shattered. That shame is entirely theirs to bear, not yours. You have the right to walk with whoever you damn well please, and you don't have to explain that decision to anyone. Sending you virtual hugs with hope for peace and healing OP.

Just keep reminding yourself that we are here for you, Soon2BLopez. And it sounds like your FH is a great guy and there for you too. None of this is your fault in any way, and there is nothing you could have done to change it. Sometimes, we don't get a family that loves us correctly who were share DNA with. Sometimes we have to make our own family by choosing people who love us enough to treat us correctly, even though we aren't biologically related. In my opinion, these chosen family members mean more than any DNA or blood relationship. They make an active choice to love and support you. We here at WW love and support you. Your FH loves and supports you. The people who's DNA you share do not have to have a place in your life unless they are willing to love and support you too. That means your biological father has already proven he can't love and support you like that. I would question your mom too if she supports your father. Find your own family and leave these monsters behind.

Do not invite him and do not ever, ever invite him or any of the other molesters any place where children will be. Your first duty at this point is to protect your own children from these people.

If I were you I would cut him out of my life completely, and probably mom too for sticking by him. And while we are at it, anyone else who wants to try to get you to have him be in your life.

HELL NO he does not get ANY role in your wedding, not even an invite. He should be thrilled that you still ever talk to him, he doesn't deserve to be in your life at all.

No you do not have to invite him! I was also molested as a child by family members. I almost never talk about it, only in therapy. Most of the family basically knew about it but swept it under the rug, it's never been really been talked about. The one or two times it got brought up I had to just walk away because of anger and all the other emotions I can't talk about it with people that knew cause I want to punch them in the faces still to this day sometimes. Just know there are others out there who have gone through similar things. One of the hardest parts for me for so long was feeling like I was all alone and no one would understand. I was even afraid to tell close friends in high school because I thought they'd think I was weird and wouldn't want me around them. When I finally told my closest friends I was shocked at how supportive they were and felt so relieved to finally say it out loud. One of my best friends moms had also gone through similar things and reassured me I wasn't alone and that helped me so much. If any of you that have experienced this kind of thing and ever want to talk please feel free to email me ***********@*****.***