I know its not my fault.... trigger warning !! UPDATE!

Do not feel bad about not having him there. He definitely should not be. I know this hard for you but you are right, your mom is wrong. Best wishes.

First and foremost, I'm sorry that happened to you. You're right: It's not your fault. Have you considered going to counseling to help you process through what happened? I don't think you should feel obligated to invite your father. I wouldn't be considering it at all based on the circumstances. It seems that your mother doesn't understand, and that is something that I think counseling could also potentially help you work through.

Wow, I am so sorry for all you have been through. You should not feel like the bad guy for not wanting your dad to walk you down the aisle. Have your brother, that's your choice.

I'm sorry, but I can't believe your mom let your other siblings still hang out with your dad after all that happened.

OP, can you please change your title to include "trigger warning"?

I've had some very similar experiences (like eerily similar) in my life and this was really hard for me to read.

If you ever want to talk outside of WW we can find a way to contact each other.

I'm still in shock that it's even an option to invite him WHATTTTT!!!!!!!!!

ABSOLUTELY NOT!! You are not the bad guy here!! Your father and uncles are the bad guys here, they are FUCKING MONSTERS, and if your mother cannot see that and cannot understand, then she needs help too!!

DO NOT let her make you feel guilty!!! You need to do what is right for you and NO ONE else, and do not let her guilt you into changing your mind. I applaud you for getting away, no matter how you did so, but please please get some counseling ASAP, so that you can learn how to say no without feeling like you are in the wrong, because you ARE NOT WRONG!!!

Tell your mother that you are not inviting any of your molesters to your wedding and that your dad doesn't deserve the honor of being at your wedding, let alone walking down the aisle. Please don't feel guilty over this. Your family wronged you in such a horrible way. Do not turn the other cheek as they have.

OP I am SO sorry you went through so many horrific things as a child. This man does not deserve to be at your wedding, he deserves to be rotting in a jail cell! He in no way shape or form should have the honor of walking you down the aisle.

Your mom is another piece of work for actually trying to encourage this. I'm sickened for you

ETA fuck this you shouldn't even invite your mom, she doesn't deserve to see you get married either. fuck them both.

Tamara, she just disclosed that she was raped repeatedly by her uncles and has been molested by her father.

I don't think it's that hard to understand why she doesn't want to be able to be identified. Not that she has anything to be ashamed of, but in her OP she says she doesn't talk about this IRL

ETA Tamara, saw your ETA and your comment on page 3!

Your wedding will be one of your happiest days of your life. You want that day to be filled with loving, positive memories. If your dad is there you might feel stressed out and may remember the aweful things he did to you in the past. You don't deserve that. Don't feel bad or guilty for not inviting him to your special day. Your mom is probably thinkin about traditions...screw traditions...its a lovely idea for your brother or little sons to walk you down the aisle. Im so sorry you had a rough childhood. I hope you beautiful wedding day because you deserve it.

That's a big old nope from me! You are so much stronger than I would ever be, to even be able to still associate with him. I am SO sorry that you had to experience all of these things.

I don't want to speak ill of your mother, but I cannot fathom ever telling my daughter, after she was molested by her father, that he is supposed to walk her down the aisle. NO. a father is supposed to protect you, and guide you, not destroy your life.

If I were in your position, I would not invite him. I would not explain my reasoning. I would not feel guilty. I would not look back.

God fucking damnit. I had a spidey send that this is what this post was going to be about.

Full stop: your father doesn't need to be there. He does not need to walk you down the aisle. You do not ever need to speak to him again if you so choose. Your mother is absolutely dead wrong in this, and if my mother were telling me that my abuser "HAS" to be there to walk me down the aisle, she'd be dead to me. You father gave up any "right" he has to do anything for or with you after he assaulted you.

OP, my abuser is no longer alive, and I still feel angry sometimes. Everything you're feeling are normal feeling perpetuated by constantly being a victim: sexual survivors, especially those of childhood abuse, constantly are made to feel and often continue to feel into adulthood like it was their fault. It wasn't. It never could be.

Are you in counseling, OP? If not, please seek that help now. I've been on and off in therapy for years: I am in a much better place than I used to be but I still struggle. Please seek a third party to help you: your mother is terribly, terribly wrong and hurtful in this situation and only perpetuating the trauma for you.

ETA: yes, please put "trigger warning" in your title. There are many, many of us abuse survivors out there. As hard as this probably was for you to write, it's equally as hard to read.

Absolutely do not invite him. I am so sorry for what you have been through.

Hugs, Sweetheart!

And don't invite those monsters (mom included) to your wedding or in to your life!

More hugs!

The fuck does she want you to invite him?

You're a grown ass woman- you can ask who you want to walk you. Or you can walk yourself (I did)

this horrific human being does NOT belong in your life. Much less your wedding.

nope nope nope nope.

The fact your mother stayed with this man is disgusting IMO.

I wouldn't be inviting either of them.

EM - if you read my ETA - I explained that I HAD READ HER SECOND POST *AFTER* POSTING MY COMMENT, & said I was sorry. I m also sorry that you went through something similar. No child should ever have to endure that.

eta-words.

eta- OP - fuck your uncles & father for putting you through hell. Do not invite them or even talk to them at all.

EM took the words right out my mouth.

WTF is wrong with your mom for even suggesting this?

Fuck her.

If you have a brother or even a sister have them walk you down the aisle or better yet, walk down alone.

I'm so so so sorry, OP. I'm so glad you're doing well though! Good for you for being so strong!

I am so sorry that you are dealing with any of this. He has no place at your wedding. You are not and never will be the bad guy.

Your father does not have to walk you down the aisle. I didn't go through nearly that with mine, and he is not invited, let alone walking me down. My grandfather is. It is your wedding. It is about what you want, what makes you happy. Don't let anyone influence you, or take away from your day, or make you feel uncomfortable about your decision