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Dedicated May 2017

Dilemma: inviting the former big crush

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Omi Omi, on February 26, 2017 at 9:33 PM

Hi guys so I'm in a little roller coaster moment and would love your opinions. My fiancé and I recently talked and he mentioned that he wanted to invite the girl who was his crush for most of his life to our wedding. At first I was OK with it because I took it to heart as him wanting to show me off and share his new life with his old friends. But I've been stewing on it a little bit and feeling A little uncomfortable. He said he was inviting people who are a lot less important to him from the past and so it just didn't make sense that he was leaving her off the list, especially because there were all friends in a small town. She is married now and has children, but over the years she does seem to text him and go down memory lane whenever she's lonely. He's hip to it and feels they are in more integrity than ever and can be friends now. She was sort of his unrequited love who he fawned over for years. They never dated but he always was trying to and she kind of broke his heart.Thoughts?

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Master April 2017
Bee · on March 6, 2017 at 6:54 PM
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Yea all this is a big pile of nope for me. We have 1 guest coming to the wedding that FH once had a crush on but the difference is that his crush lasted all of 2 months in HS (they're now 35) and both parties depend on their spouses for emotional support. I'm also friends with her and love her but that's neither here nor there. In your case, nope. Nope nope nope. Forget inviting her to the wedding but that friendship would be over if she was walking down memory lanes with my FH.
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VIP June 2016
UnderTheJuneWillows · on March 7, 2017 at 12:39 AM
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SO... OP, the outcome??
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Dedicated May 2017
Omi Omi · on March 9, 2017 at 10:03 AM
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HI guys! OP here and happy to say this is a wedding wire success story. I'm really grateful that I could melt down on this topic in a weird way with a "strangers" as it is intensely personal issue. That said, it was so resoundingly clear to me that it was OK that I was feeling bad about this, so I realized if I want the best relationship possible with my FH, I have to continue to practice being more open, more loving, and more direct about my feelings with him. He's a little socially awkward, and not hip to social rules most of the time, so that's why he initially included her. We talked about it. He is deployed, so thats HARD to do, to have challenging convos over short calls that often drop in the middle and then no more contact for days... but! We talked, about it ALL and it was AWESOME! There are plenty of great reasons why I am marrying this AMAZING man! He, like you guys, asked my why I didnt say something sooner, and assured me that he wants to start a new life with me, and no need to do that with any discomfort like this. I think he thought I'd be morbidly curious about her (lol, hes prolly right) and thought it was an easy way to meet her so I would never feel uncomfortable or threatened by her. I appreciate that, but we all know that our marriage day isn't the time for that kind of reassurances to happen. LOL> He's such a good one, and you guys too, thank you!

I RECOMMEND TO EVERY FUTURE SPOUSE, love yourself and your partner by PRACTICING HONESTY AND FULL DISCLOSURE BEFORE YOU ARE MARRIED! EXPLORE HAVING THE RELATIONSHIP OF YOUR DREAMS BY BEING REAL, NOT JUST ACCOMMODATING. It can be scary!! Its risky! But its worth it for a life of real connection and intimacy built on trust and open communication. *mic drop
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