Destination wedding invites

Honestly, I don't think that's a good idea. It might read like a half hearted attempt at an invitation. People know they can decline if they need to when the actual invitation arrives.

In addition, I would always plan for 100% attendance.

View Quoted Comment I see your point but the problem with my family is they will RSVP instead of just saying they can't make it. I HAVE to find some way to say that it's okay if you can't make it it is not okay to RSVP and not come

Is this for the save the dates or the actual invitations? If you’re just sending out save the dates at this point, you’re not asking for an RSVP anyway. I’m also planning a destination wedding, and based on my experience so far, it has been pretty obvious which of our guests are definitely planning on coming. They’ve been asking us about logistics, coordinating plans, and expressing their excitement from day 1. Obviously we don’t know yet if the “silent” people are on the fence or definite no’s (although we have had a couple people reach out because they already know they can’t make it). Anyway, my point is, with destination weddings it can be easier to tell where folks are leaning way earlier than with local weddings just because planning trips takes time. And if you set up a room block, some people will start reserving hotel rooms right away. It’s not a perfect science, of course, but it will at least give you some clarity. People aren’t going to book flights and hotel for something they’re not planning to attend. But yes, definitely plan for 100% yes and have the capacity and funds ready for that just in case.

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This is for save the dates though, right? They're not supposed to RSVP to the save the dates at all. I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish.

The actual invitations go out about 8 weeks before the wedding, and by then surely your family will know if they are attending.

I was asking for clarification because she’s referred to both save the dates and invitations, which are different and have different components. For save the dates, the guests are not required to RSVP and she shouldn’t ask for one on the save the date, but the reality is with destination weddings some (not all) guests do it anyway. For most people, 8 weeks is not enough time to make their vacation plans for the year, budget, book flights, and save up PTO. So she’s going to hear from people organically when they’re just generally making travel plans and asking her about logistics. I’m seven months out, and I have friends who have already booked flights and hotel. We have not asked for one single RSVP or sent out invitations.

Also, OP, depending on the logistics of your venue, the usual 8 week timeline might be too compressed anyway. A lot of well known planning resources recommend invitations for destination weddings go out up to 4 months in advance, with RSVPs due up to 8 weeks out. Obviously it varies since a destination wedding in Charleston, SC with all American guests is going to be less complicated than a wedding in Italy with all American guests, and certain venues have cutoffs further out than the norm. So use your best judgment based on the circumstances of your destination, and don’t just rely on advice for local weddings.

I think you could convey this through word of mouth if you feel like you have to. I wouldn't put it on the STDs or invites

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I agree with Kimberly. You will get a good sense of who is accualy coming by who makes hard plans early.
I totally understand it is definitely a Minnesota thing to agree to going not just your family. I am from Minnesota and live in California all my family I invited from Minnesota said oh yeah we will come but anyone who didn't openly ask about hotels and airports didn't come.

View Quoted Comment So then as we get closer to the event how to I politely ask to see proof of travel? My save the dates include information to our wedding website so people can RSVP as soon as they get them if they want to. Which is I wanted to say, as kindly possible not to do. If they want to book with my travel agent that has to be done this spring but they aren't required to do that. Sooooo just leaving it to chance really stressed me. People could ask about flights and hotels and say they are going to book until the day of knowing that they actually wont

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately this is just the nature of the beast with destination weddings, and there’s not much you can do about it. We also had a destination wedding- some guests locked in immediately after STDs were sent…. Some guests we literally had to hunt down after the RSVP deadline expired. You could put something on your website about realizing destination weddings are a huge time and financial commitment, and that you understand if people cannot make it. You could also consider live streaming the event for those that can’t make it. If people realize there’s another option, they may be more forthcoming about their ability to actually attend.

View Quoted Comment There should be an option to keep the RSVP section closed until the actual invitations have gone out. We used The Knot for our wedding website and did not open up the RSVP page until the invitations were put into the mail. Keeping that page closed until much closer will deter people from impulsively pressing the button and marking a yes way too early and then finding they are unable to go as the wedding gets closer.

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We used Wedding Wire for our website and they had this option too. I'd for sure lock the page until invitations go out if you're worried about people prematurely RSVPing.

As for confirming whether people who RSVP'd "yes" will actually be in attendance, maybe a week prior to whenever you need to give your final headcount you could reach out to people to ask what time they'll be getting in? If you're planning on a welcome event or anything, that could be the reason you give people for asking.

You can also ask the hotel when you set up a room block if you’ll be able to see who’s making reservations. My venue set us up with a dashboard so we know exactly who is booking and for which dates. Obviously people aren’t required to stay in the room block, but since unused rooms in our block get released back to the public 30 days before the wedding, we’re going to follow up with anyone who has RSVP’d yes but hasn’t booked a room yet to make sure they make the cutoff or make alternate arrangements. Also, hotels will vary, but ours required a one night deposit to make the reservation. Even though it’s refundable, that’s quite a hassle for someone who doesn’t actually plan on coming. But again, that varies by hotel and might not work the same for yours.

I have the same issue! Maybe something like "For those who cannot attend, you will be missed but we do hope to see you soon!"? Something light to let them know there are no hard feelings.