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Sandhya
September 2023

Destination Wedding -family Availability

Sandhya, on June 12, 2022 at 4:57 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11
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I found the love of my life and we are planning our wedding for 2023. Everyone from my family was excited to have a DW to Nepal since the groom's family is there. It has been non stop conversations about it and what the wedding will entail (I come from a catholic background but my fiance comes from a Krishna conscious/sanatana Dharma background.. which hindu traditions stem from)


But now we are talking about a date. My parents and aunt/uncle will not allow my closest cousins and brothers to attend the Wedding If it isn't a summer month or when there is an extended break. The problem is if, we have it during the summer.. its 100% monsoon season. It will rain/storm the entire time and if we have it in december it will be just as cold because we are in the mountians. We thought about the option of having it in US but then NONE of my grooms family except for his parents and two sisters could come. That is not right to me.. with that being said.. i am having a hard time knowing that my fiance and I will probably pick a date that is during the school time and to not have my little brothers with me breaks my heart.
I have Two brothers who will be in college- 1 will be a junior (pre med- sport medicine) and the other will be a freshman undecided of what he wants to do.
My two cousins- 1 will be a college senior in business and the other will be a junior in highschool.
This wedding won't happen for 14+ months so there is enough time to discuss with teachers what options they have to see if they truly cannot make the wedding. But my parents and aunt/uncle are not even open to seeing if there is a possibility.
Ultimately, school is important... i am 100% in support of my brothers and cousins getting a good education but i also know from experience that schools can be accomadating especially if there is enough time in between to plan out the logistics. I just wish my family was more open minded to see if it is a realistic possibility and if it isn't then that's fine.. but atleast I can say they tried. At the end of the day, it seems that I am not worth it for them to atleast try.
I have to Learn to be okay with this as having DW, there will be risks of people not being able to travel (costs, school, health. Etc). I get this 100%
How have you dealt with close family not being able to attend?

11 Comments

Latest activity by Bailey, on July 25, 2022 at 4:00 PM
  • J
    Super March 2022
    JA ·
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    Well, to be honest, 3 of the 4 people you're concerned about are going to be adults so whether their parents say they "won't consider it" or not doesn't matter. Your brothers and one cousin will have to decide for themselves.


    Personally, I would pick a date that is best for you and Fiance. Which means picking a date you feel happy with whether that consideration is the weather/time of year, location, or people who may or may not be able to attend is up to you two and you two alone.
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  • Sandhya
    September 2023
    Sandhya ·
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    Thanks JA for your response! I completely agree with everything that you said. I come from an indian family so education is super huge for my family but I just hope that my brothers are willing to stand up to my parents especially if there is a chance.. I think just typing this out has made me feel loads better. Helps me to think this through.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Lots to think about there for sure. Nepal is really not a hop, skip and jump away either. I really don't know what to say because it seems like you'll lose either way. Why won't your FI's family come to where you are?

    I would suggest somewhere in between the two locations, but that might just double the issue.

    I would lean to just picking what makes you happy.

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  • Sandhya
    September 2023
    Sandhya ·
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    Thanks Jack for your reply, I appreciate it. The only issue is that if I have it hear, the only people from my fiance family that can come is his parents and two sisters. No one else from his family. But I think I need to just pick a date and stick with it. Who can come will come.
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  • N
    Expert August 2019
    N ·
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    If OP is US based and they aren’t citizens, there may be a huge issue trying to get people in just for a wedding. I have a friend whose groom was only able to get I think two family members (it was weird like one grandpa and a nephew?) in and this was maybe 8 years ago. It always seems like you’re at the whims of whoever is filing paperwork that day.


    To OP, I agree that you should have it on a date that make the most sense to you and your SO. Maybe the guys in school could let you know about a spring break schedule? They could also make arrangements with teachers. A lot can be adjusted if they are notified IN WRITING early enough. Aim for the second day of class.
    Good luck!
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  • Sandhya
    September 2023
    Sandhya ·
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    I appreciate your thoughts N! It's just been pretty tough to get the parents to agree for the kids to miss school. In a ideal reality, my brothers and cousins should be able to choose on their own if they can come or not since they are the ones in school and not the parents but having the strict indian family background. They view missing even a couple of days of school as detrimental. I am trying my best to help them see from the other side that teachers can be willing to accomadate I'd like you said there is enough notice, and especially if the notice is in writing with specific dates. My cousins and brothers are smart enough to be able to finish the work for those days ahead of time If need be. But their parents do not think like I do. Hoping that they will change their mind with the date I choose.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Yes, thanks N, I just didn't want to assume that was the case.

    I think if you just set a date and then don't negotiate with anyone about it, with enough time to plan, maybe people would be able to attend.

    Good luck!

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  • J
    January 1895
    Jessa ·
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    I am not sure where you are located in the US. But from where I live, the flight alone is minimum of 20 hours with connections. That's 2 full days of travel via airplane. Nobody I know would travel that far for just a couple of days. Maybe other people are different, but it would take me a few days to even get acclimated to the time difference. Since you state your family is Indian, perhaps they are used to the long flight and jet lag. But, that would be a major consideration for me. Realistically, it would be hard for them to miss any less than 5 full days of school (for HS and minimum 2 classes for college)

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  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    It sounds beautiful from the way that you describe it wow amd Congratulations to you both
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    Most people who have destination weddings get legally married at the courthouse anyway. That way you're not dealing with foreign marriage certificates.


    I would invite your closest family to the courthouse to watch you get married, then take them out after and get photos. That way they're involved even if you have your full blown wedding in Nepal.
    Or, have your wedding locally. Honeymoon in Nepal. Throw a family reunion/reception celebrations for the people already in Nepal.
    With a destination wedding, you always run the risk of a higher decline rate. Esp if it's far away, or the guests have no ties there, or it's not a well known touristy destination.
    Even assuming your brothers and cousins stand up to their parents, how are they going to afford the trip as college students?
    I know you have two difficult options, but one makes a lot more sense to me.
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  • Bailey
    Expert October 2023
    Bailey ·
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    I'm having a DW in Mexico, one of the easiest countries to travel to from the US, and you wouldn't believe the BS some of my family and friends have thrown at me LOL. If it was a money thing, I'd totally understand. But you'd really be surprised the reasons why people won't go to destination weddings, and that is just something you have to accept like you said! If your brothers are willing to work to get there during school, I think that's what matters most. As far as your aunt and uncles, that's on them and there isn't much you can do about it, as well as with the rest of the guests! It hurts but you have to realize that some people just DON'T travel, for no other reason than they don't want to!

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