Destination Wedding and none of the groomsmen can make it!

Oh no! I'm sorry to hear this! That sucks.

They had over year to plan for this.. Did they have money issues for a while? Or just forgot?

I'm thinking that they forgot. I kept taking up for them around my FH because they are HIS friends, but I just don't know. One of them does have his own wedding coming up but he seems to be doing fine financially. The other doesn't seem to want to do anything that has to do with weddings.

Do it without them. seriously.

Eh, i think to offer help to one friend but not the other would probably cause some drama. I would just do it with out them. "sorry you can't make it, we'll send you pictures!"

This is always a risk with destination weddings. Many people think, "I have a year to get this together", and while they should really start putting money away immediately, they put it off. Suddenly, five months have gone by. It happens with guests who sound so thrilled with the idea when it's originally presented, and unfortunately, it happens with members of the bridal party. I know you're disappointed (you have a right to be). That being said, I wouldn't finance their trip. It could get messy in terms of an expectation of paying you back (whether you're expecting it or they would feel obligated). I'd tell them you're disappointed and you're going to miss them. Then, let it go.

ETA: I just noticed that you said one of them has his own wedding coming up. That might be the big issue right. He probably said yes to your FH, and then his fiancee reminded him that participating in a DW wedding takes time and money -- money they need for their wedding, and time they'll want for their honeymoon. The other guy? I have no idea, but I have learned that things are not always what the seem.

Um... what??! Its pretty much assumed when you agree to be in a wedding that you will ATTEND the wedding. I'm sure you told them it was a destination wedding pretty early in the planning process... if they couldn't afford it, they should have told you WAY before this. Its possible that they had planned for it, but sometimes things come up (car, house issues, etc.) that are expensive and can't be avoided and may have taken $$ from what they had set aside for your wedding. Or, they could just suck and have put off saving for it.

I think you should tell them that you're sorry they won't be able to be with you on your day. If you offer to pay for their flights, it may cause issues with the other GM who are spending their own money and sacrificing to do that....plus you will be paying for them AND their date to come which adds up fast!

You'll be fine without them.

This is why I think destination weddings are kind of selfish. Not everyone has the money to drop on traveling, hotel, attire, gifts, etc. It saves the bride and groom money. And if you want to save money and have a destination wedding you have to be okay with only the friends and family that have money coming. Sure they had a year, but sometimes saving isn't always possible. Some people really live paycheck to paycheck. And they may have wanted to save and go but it isn't always possible. If it is really important for you to have them, you should have either made the wedding closer or offer to pay for them and their dates. You did say you wouldn't mind offering to pay. I would do that for both only if you and your FH can't imagine your day without them. When you chose to do a DW you were accepting certain people may not make it, even if they said yes a year ago. This is the whole reason we decided not to have our wedding in hawaii. We live in hawaiu, it would have been easier and so beautiful getting married here. But we couldn't imagine our day without certain people and couldn't afford to pay for them all. This is why we decided on a wedding in california. You just have to remember your priority was the beautiful destination...not the groomsmen.

Sorry that probably sounds a bit harsh but I think you need to be a little more understanding of other financial situations. Not everyone can drop a couple thousand for someone else's wedding.

I tend to agree with Happy. There was a segment on GMA the other day about what it costs to be in a bridal party these days. It comes in at **** per wedding, and that's for something semi local. Even with a year in between things can happen; a dead car, a lost job, a critically ill kid; all multi -thousand dollar (and sometimes surprise) occurrences that can make a feasible plan impossible, no matter how good the intentions. And they probably didn't want to tell you.

Even a local wedding adds up the dollars, with all the parties, gifts, clothing and travel; heck, even dog sitting in my area costs 50 bucks a day.

I wouldn't offer to pay, honestly. It puts a weird indebtedness twist on things. Have your wedding, come back and have them out for cocktails. This shouldn't break the friendship.

Just let it go and don't push the issue. A few of my friends had lavish destination weddings at resorts and griped for months about all the "declines with regret", the unenthusiastic FILs, the whining BM's, and ultimately the SEVERAL no-shows. If someone asked me to be in a wedding then said "hey, by the way, you will need to FLY to the wedding" I would drop out immediately. I would not put out that kind of expense for a wedding, sorry, no matter how much I would love to be there. It's not just the expense either, it's the taking off work, finding a pet sitter, car rental, hotels, and all the other general wedding expenses. The furthest I traveled as a guest to a wedding was one state away and it ended up costing me and FH $1000 for one weekend when you include the cost of clothing, gifts, gas, hotel, food, and extras.

Try and have a happy wedding without them, yes you will miss them there, but the most important person will be you FH. It sucks yes, but such is life.

That sucks, but I wouldn't offer to help unless you had originally intended to. We're having a semi DW as half of our guest live on the east coast and the wedding is in California near my family. We made the decision to offer help to our siblings if they need it. As for the bridal party, they were given full disclosure of the location when we asked and they know the costs of being in a bridal party as this isn't their first time.

This is currently happening with our wedding. FH asked three friends about 6 months ago to be in the wedding. We let them know up front that the wedding was in Wyoming, they would need to fly and the other costs, like hotel and suit rentals. One of them said he couldn't make the commitment, which we totally understood. And I value his upfront honestly. The other two said yes, but now with 6 months left until the wedding, the other two seem like they are going to flop. And I really think it's lack of planning and saving rather than a sudden change financially.

I feel really bad for FH. My three maids have already made their arrangements and gotten their dresses. At least FH will definitely have his brother and my brother standing up for him, even if the other two friends don't make it. It's just disappointing that people don't realize how it affects the couple to say yes and then not follow through.

Sorry this really bites for your FH. Don't pay for the GMs to fly out there, it would put an awkward strain on the friendship as another person pointed out.

It is costly, but I pretty much know if I can afford to be in a wedding for not. Telling someone 2 months before is pretty crummy in my opinion. Do it without them.

When you decide on a destination wedding, you have to be accepting that people will not be able to come - for whatever their reason may be - and not hold it against them.

It may not just be the cost, it may also be getting the time off from work, other financial issues, family issues, they don't like to travel, etc.

Forge ahead in happiness, and tell them that you will miss them but will love to get together with them when you get back for an "after" party. Let it go and keep the friendship. We never fully know the paths and journeys and challenges that other people have.

Namaste.

I don't think it's selfish to have a DW; it just has to be understood that some can't make it. Based on our budget, we had a choice of eloping or DW. Most of our friends and family voted for a DW, so they could be included. Also, my family and my FH's family live at opposite ends of CA, so half the guests would have to travel anyway. I think it's more selfish to have a local wedding and not host properly to make it affordable.

That was very inconsiderate of them to wait till this late to tell you they can't make it. I think I'd just tell them, sorry you can't make it, we'll miss you, wish you would have said something sooner so we could replace you.

Just to clarify the wedding isn't an actual destination wedding, it's where I'm from so over half of the guests will be able to make it. I guess I'm just worried of how my FH will be when it doesn't seem like anyone is there for him. He doesn't have a very big family and my mom alone has 11 brothers and sisters.

At first I was going to say dont help them. But now that you mentioned its in your hometown I have a follow up question how expensive is it for them to come & can they afford the basics like tux. Bc if its just a flight maybe you rally up some miles for one (my grandma recently gave me & sister all her miles when our grandpa passed just to get us to the funeral last minute that only got us one way, we paid our way back). I was thinking your wedding was in Hawaii, Jamaica or mexico or something. Hotel (honestly they can share a cheap room orask your local family for an open bed). Im acactually chartering a bus for my family & hometown members of my bp bc I want them there. Its a compromise FH & I made when we decided on his hometown as our location. If that means one less appetizer or no carving station im fine w/ it bc I care more that they are there. They still have to cover there own hotel but as someone who travels often I know gas, flights, rental cars, hotel & a gift add up, I wanted to take that extra burden away. Not everyone in my family agrees w/ a free ride bc they think, if ppl really want to be there they will save. But I really want to be w/ my family for every wedding, baby shower, thanksgiving but I cant afford all the small trips. I say if they can cover the tux try to help w/ travel if possible & put them up w/ family or other bp members to save on hotel