Destination Micro-wedding Pre-wedding Events

Congratulations Amanda! I think it's beautiful that you're having a smaller, destination wedding. I honestly feel that, after going through my own drama with who will be with me getting my dress, it ultimately is your decision and that you should have whoever makes you happy and supports you there. I think it's very thoughtful of you that you want to include them and I hope that they will be understanding that they won't be at the actual wedding, but got to be apart of you finding your dress.

I appreciate the sentiment, but as you suggest, it would not be appropriate. The fact that it's a micro wedding does not enter into it.

View Quoted Comment Can you give me rationale as to why you have come to this conclusion?

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Because regardless of your reasons for doing so, it is your own choice to have a micro destination wedding and to keep it intimate, which is fine, but the bottom line is that they are not invited to your wedding. You wouldn't involve those that are not invited to an event in all the planning details or impose on them to attend pre-wedding events because it's like talking about a party to which someone is not invited. It's just not considerate. Co-workers who are not also social friends outside the office are not typically invited to a wedding regardless. Sometimes they will throw a surprise shower, which is their prerogative, though I'm not a big fan of self appointed organizers going around and soliciting money or gifts in the workplace.

I would not ask for advice if you're not inviting them to the wedding and certainly would not feel right about asking for help or favors.

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Thank you for your feedback. Our department is actually very close knit and it is not uncommon for us to do lunch together, or text one another outside of work, or attend events together with our spouses. But I can definitely see there being a view that it would not be polite to invite them to shop and not to the party. I really would like to include them in something, I just suppose it will not be polite to do so.

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I agree with Cassandra, it's your wedding, you make the rules! Being upfront with them from the beginning will avoid any drama. You're all adults and if they truly support you they will be thrilled to have any part in the festivities! I think it's a great idea.

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I agree with you....I wouldn't want to do anything wedding related if I wasn't invited...

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OP, If you want to celebrate your marriage with these people, or involve them, the time to do it is after the wedding, not before. You can invite them to a party or a night out to celebrate that you host.

View Quoted Comment My fiancé and I is having a micro destination wedding with 12 ppl. And that’s what we plan on doing. I don’t want them to get involved with anything cause they’re not going to be there. Which mean they’re opinion don’t matter 🤷🏾‍♀️

I wouldn't invite them to go dress shopping. I understand you want to include them in some way, but doing this might run the risk of making them feel left out. I am also having a small wedding in a few weeks, only 30 people, only the only people I include on anything wedding relayed are the people (friends) who are invited.

I think that might not come across as you intended, and may make people feel excluded. I would plan and host a lunch/brunch when you get back to celebrate and get caught up with everyone.

I also second everyone saying to have a casual get together some time after. Certain traditions may have changed but that doesn’t mean these ladies are going to be ok with being invited to go dress shopping but not to the actual wedding. It’s more likely that it will hurt one or more of their feelings. I personally would be a bit hurt and start internally analyzing why I “didn’t make the cut” for the wedding but yet I did for the dress shopping. Having a micro-wedding is fine, but along with that must come the understanding that it wouldn’t be right to ask people to come to pre-wedding events or planning sessions that aren’t on the actual guest list. This goes for any size wedding. It means there will be a smaller crowd to choose from for those things, but it doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate with them casually afterwards. You may find that a casual after-celebration with them takes off a lot of the pressure of the gathering “going right” with your friends and you’re more able to freely laugh and talk about the joy of being married then.

Coming from someone that is married and has been thru immense wedding drama (mostly with her bridal party —- unfortunately 😭) I honestly can see both sides of this. I can see where you want to include them in something as part of the day but still want to keep the wedding as intimate as possible. (Something we talked about for our own wedding — & what we wish we would’ve done, so cheers to you for sticking to what you dream of your day and not what others want of you 🥂 . Ultimately It’s YOUR wedding so you choose to have it how YOU prefer 🖤) and that can also go into these other situations/events. Whether prior or post wedding. I can see where some or all of said co workers may be a bit sad/feel left out of not being able to attend the wedding. But at the same time, it’s your choice and honestly if they aren’t happy with being included with going dress shopping but then also feel left out of not being invited to the wedding, then in my opinion that says more about them than you.


I can’t say I wouldn’t feel left out at all if it were me in that situation. But I do know that if I did feel sad at all, I know that that feeling wouldn’t last more than just a few moments at most and I’d ultimately just be honored to be included in any wedding event. And again, from someone who is married and been thru the stress of it all (& from someone who wished had a micro wedding herself)— I would truly completely understand the bride’s choosing in her own wedding day and that I wouldn’t be invited. I wouldn’t think it would be wrong nor rude at all.
But maybe I’m different?
I’d say everyone and their personalities along with personal life events/current situations can play a part in this as well.
Just think it over and choose what you think is best, and if these girls really are as close with you as you say along with supportive and in your corner, I don’t see any reason why they couldn’t join you for brunch/lunch and/or dress try-ons.
Hope this helps. 🖤
& Good luck with everything. 🍀

View Quoted Comment I completely agree with this too!


I had some of my wedding party there for my final dress fitting. But I the very first try on/chose my wedding dress on my own.
And I’m glad I at LEAST did that. It was definitely not the bridal moment I dreamed of not what you hear about 😞 In saying that ,my bridal party had mostly negative nancies and those that weren’t truly in my corner from the beginning (which is part of our overall wedding drama and their true character that wasn’t shown to me 100% til after the wedding day unfortunately, when everything came crashing down/all the red flags added up and everything made perfect sense)
Needless to say I no longer have those negative and toxic/fake people in my life anymore 😆 But it still hurts and immensely sucks.
I’m so sorry you had drama at your try on/fitting as well.
It hurts and sucks so so much when your wedding and even pre wedding events don’t go as you planned and really how they should. Especially when it involves those you thought you could trust/who you are the closest with.
But big life events have a way of showing peoples true colors.
Hoping everything’s going well now & your wedding was still perfect. 🖤🥂🖤

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I'm hoping that you read and understood that the OP was having a small wedding, and the people she wants at the gown appointment aren't invited to the wedding.

I would add that not every woman likes dress shopping or wedding-related events. It could be triggering. Since you function as a collective department, one may feel pressured to join when they'd rather not. Better to have a neutral brunch with all 4 colleagues after, not just the 3 women. Best wishes with your marriage.

View Quoted Comment Yes. I read everything.

View Quoted Comment The post you replied to me on wasn’t referring to the OP. I’d already made that comment previously. The comment your replied to was to someone else and another conversation that was different.


Apparently you didn’t read and understand everything I’d said lol.

I think you should do whatever makes you comfortable while being upfront with them.
One of my coworkers got married a few years ago and we had a fun bachelorette (a dance class, dinner, and drinks just with the ladies from work) - this was the bride’s idea. Some of us were not invited to the wedding and that felt ok to me as we were office close but that was it. I wouldn’t have participated in dress shopping as that is not something I’m interested in and feels more intimate. I did enjoy the celebration and was not upset in any way for not being invited to the wedding.