Dear Abby's response to woman wanting to bring her bf with her to a wedding with no plus 1.

I don't even get why she would be upset. They don't know him, and she isn't married to him so why the "surely if we were married he'd be invited". They aren't. I don't see how her late husband has anything to do with her boyfriend not being invited. I think Abby was spot on.

My guess is that she had been in a marriage for so long, she no longer knew what was standard. Honestly, though, she mentions that one wedding was a friend's daughter's. I have never understood why it is the norm for parents to get invites, regardless of whether they are paying, and so that begs the questions how tight could the budget really have been?

I agree Abby was dead on.

She was right.

I agree with you.

I know I was asked and I simply told some friends that I can't right now, but as I get responses from family that can't make it, I can revisit and let you know.

Maybe it's because I have a small family and therefore a smaller guest list, but I feel like a plus one is part of the package. I went to a wedding recently without my FH (we couldn't afford two plane tickets), and while I was with some close friends and had fun, it's not the same without your significant other. Just because there's not a ring on it, is not a reason to not invite someone. I do, however, understand a tight budget and wanted to have a friend attend vs. a virtual stranger. I just wish there was a better way to affordable allow all gusts to have dates.

I would find it rude to not permit a family member to bring a plus one especially if they are in a relationship. In the case of a friend's daughter though not extending an extra invite seems reasonable.

I thought it would be good to post where your friends will look if they are the type to ask.

I think Abbey had it right. Of course a widow's status is different than a wife's. While I don't doubt they're in a committed relationship, she doesn't mention how long they've been together, and none of the wedding hosts know him. Would she be having the same feelings if she and her had divorced instead of him passing away?

I'm having some similar issues with my guest list. I have a very large family, and we cannot afford to even allow my cousins children, let alone guests for our non-married guests. The only people we're allowing guests are if the couple has been together for a long time and we've met the SO, or they are engaged, or if we're friends with both parties. I would love to allow everyone to bring their girlfriends and boyfriends, but we've got over 200 people on our list (and that's without kids!) Once we start getting RSVPs, the first people to be invited will be my cousin's kids and then bf/gfs.

We have a rule if someone is in a relationship they get invited. My FI and I have been together for almost 6 yrs I would be hurt if he was invited to a wedding but I was not because we are not "legally" married.

I do think that if the person of interest came AFTER the invitation has been sent then in that case it's up to the bride and groom. However, casual encounters are a no go. We have a few friends that are in serious relationships with no plans of marriage no way would we exclude their spouses, even if we didn't know them. So for me it depends on the type of relationship. Serious/Dating yes, fling/f buddy no....

I agree with Abby in that it is rude to ask to bring someone when you have been invited as a single but I also consider it rude to be invited without your SO if you are in a relationship. I would not invite someone rather than not inviting their bf/gf etc. We are however inviting some guests as singles because they are in fact, single.

I somewhat agree with the answer being "No" for the friend's daughter's wedding. It's likely that she got invited by the mother and not the daughter, so that can be justified.

But for the cousin's wedding..I don't agree. If her and her boyfriend are in a committed long term relationship (even if they aren't married), she should be allowed a to bring a plus 1. So you have to be "legally" married to someone for them to count as a plus 1?! I think not!!

We didn't give any plus ones, but we invited both sides of all relationships (luckily no flings though lol). There will be 2-3 singles there because they are single.

I totally agree with Dear Abby.

We're letting our bridal party have +1's, but otherwise there are none. Significant others we are inviting will be expressly listed on the invitation. Only those who are living together, engaged, or married are invited (unless we're already friends with both parties, in which case they're both invited). If someone is so insulted that I am not allowing them to bring their girlfriend I've never met (or even heard of until my wedding invitation was sent out), they don't need to come.

I agree with Ms. A. in our case, i have a huge family and FH has a small family. we've initially agreed to split the guest list 50/50 and whatever spaces he doesn't use, i'll use. he doesn't have to worry about leaving folks out because (a) he has about 50 people he wants to invite and (b) he has a much smaller family. i've got to severely limit my family and FH thinks i'm being cruel by inviting only the family that i know and am close to, which sometimes includes singles and couples, and often without kids. we're doing what would be considered a destination for both families since about 80% of our guest list is out of state. a lot of family isn't going to be able to make it because of financial issues, coupled with the fact that my dad's side of the family is having our biannual family reunion in july of next year, and a lot of people if invited will have to choose between the two, which isn't something many can afford once every two years. (cont)

For the folks we don't invite or can't invite, or the ones who want to come but can't afford it, I'm looking into streaming our video online or making a short video available online shortly after the wedding. during the reunion we have a family hour where we have tons of pics and announcements so that'll be something i can share with them. i'm already getting pushback and we haven't even finalized the guest list...pretty ridiculous. if these folks are proving to be that difficult before anything's set in stone, they may find themselves without an invite...might sound cold but there are going to be a lot of people who would love to take that person's place!