Cutting Cousins’ Spouses?

I would not be happy being invited to a wedding without my husband and would feel the same if he was invited without me. And it is not proper etiquette to invite someone without their spouse. Given the current situation of the world some people might be understanding, but if you don’t invite spouses I’d expect more people to decline coming. I’m sorry you are facing such difficulty.

I think this will be offensive to your family. I know if I was invited to a wedding and told my wife couldn't come, I wouldn't go. Married couples should be invited as a pair. If you cannot host your cousins and their spouses, I would just not invite your cousins at all.

Under any normal circumstances, I would say that it’s extremely rude to invite anyone without their spouse, however, we’re in the middle of a deadly pandemic and circumstances are anything but normal. If I was invited to a family wedding with my parents, siblings, etc. right now and my wife couldn’t be accommodated, I wouldn’t be offended. I think it’s something to bring up to your cousins and give them a heads up, don’t just send an invite with just their name on it, but ultimately safety is more important than etiquette.

I don't think this is a good idea. I know we're in strange times but inviting someone and not their spouse is still quite rude. Honestly you're better off not inviting your cousins, rather than inviting them but not their spouse. Blame it on COVID

Spouses are invited automatically

I would just not invite distant cousins... I would never attend a wedding that my husband wasn’t invited to. I personally wouldn’t care if cousins / aunts / uncles were there or not. Immediate family would be most important. Sucks they won’t let you postpone again!! Restrictions definitely will still be in place, just go what extent and what state, who knows.

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I'm very close with my cousins -- that's the hard part! : (

It's not a good idea. I recommend not inviting cousins at all.

I'd cut the cousins and do Zoom. No one wants a Zoom wedding. But it's optimistic to think you'll be able to do a wedding of that size in June anyway.


You will get much flack and many declines if you exclude spouses, esp if you are having over 50 guests anyway. If you're having 10 guests with just immediate family, people would be (more) understanding if you had to cut a spouse who is maybe a step parent. If you're having 50 +people, that's not a covid safe wedding, and covid will sound like a pretext.
I am sorry.

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That's what we were thinking too, but wanted to input for third-parties before we did anything. I certainly don't want to offend anyone, but I'm so close to my cousins - I want them to be there on my day.

We'd definitely write them a note or give them a call to explain the situation before we sent out invites.

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It's so hard! Wish things were normal again.

I’m a laid back understanding person so most “rules” that people set for their wedding I wouldn’t be phased by at all, but I definitely agree this probably isn’t the best idea. It’s definitely a little weird to invite people but say their spouses can’t come. I understand how hard these circumstances are, I can’t even imagine having to make these tough decisions. Everything is up in the air right now and it could work out in your favor by your wedding date.


I would personally plan to cut out the cousins and then either have a livestream/zoom, or plan a day to all get together afterwards and view the wedding video and celebrate together, like a mini reception with those who weren’t able to come due to restrictions if it comes to that.

View Quoted Comment All 40 of them?! I have never heard of that! Lol ugh, If that’s the case and your day is highly focused around family and less on you guys, I would seriously take a look at your contract and discuss things with the venue so you can have exactly what you guys want!!!

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Yes, we all live within a half hour of each other and spend a lot of time together! The venue basically told us that we postponed once and we can't move our date again. Not a great situation all around.

View Quoted Comment You might let your mother and father talk to each of their own brothers and sisters. You might find some people will not be coming because they take care of someone, or have medical conditions themselves. It would be a shame if 8 couple were not able to come, and 3 were coming alone, if you cut other people. .... These are family, not a society at large event. You or parents call each one. You are family. Talk to each other.

I’ll second that I’m not a stickler for wedding rules and see lots of things as more flexible bc of COVID, but I would find this rude if FH wasn’t invited or vice versa. I also probably wouldn’t attend.
Agree with above that putting some effort into gathering everyone’s thoughts on attending before sending invites might help you pair the list down in a less controversial way. Good luck!

While you might not want a Zoom wedding, it is probably the safest option. I would invite immediate family and your closest friends only and include everyone else via Zoom.

I’m in a similar situation where I have a lot of cousins on my mom’s side that I have to consider. This may be a bit unorthodox (and it probably also depends on family dynamics), but what my mom suggested was to send the invites to my aunts and uncles (her siblings) with an inclusion of how many people they get in their party. Ex. Aunt Susie +6. Then it’s up to them to determine who to bring with them from their household.

If cutting the spouses will cut the guest list by 40 people, how many people are left on your list? Like...75? (40 cousins, aunts and uncles, bridal party, presumably your FI has family too?)


I kind of feel like that's too large to say you're cutting it for safety reasons.

I personally would not cut spouses. Even though Covid is creating special circumstances and I'm sure many would at least try to be understanding, I know I wouldn't enjoy going to a wedding without my husband and would likely either not go (if travel was involved), or if I did go (assuming the wedding was local), I'd cut out early. I would also be more offended to be invited to a wedding without my husband than to not be invited at all. In your shoes, I'd rather have fewer guests (even if it meant picking and choosing) who would enjoy the entire event than splitting up couples. Also, when considering safety, it would be much better to invite your 20 closest cousins and their spouses than invite 39 cousins from 39 different households.

If you feel like you cannot pick and choose between your cousins, maybe you are better off just having a much smaller event and not including your cousins at all. Also, does your partner have a huge family as well? Is most of the guest list consisting of your (singular) relatives? That's something I would consider too. Chances are the friends on your original list are mutual connections for you and your fiance moreso than your cousins, who are really "your" (singular) guests and not your partner's. If you have to cut the list, I'd pick a strategy that is equitable and doesn't just eliminate your (collective) shared friends in favor of your (singular) cousins.