Lindseyb
Savvy September 2021

Covid brides - can we all just cry together??

Lindseyb, on June 26, 2020 at 12:13 AM Posted in Community Conversations 2 42
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I am in need of some positivity. My wedding is 11/14/20.. and all I feel is a cloud over my head about the actual wedding day with everything going on. I feel like I can’t get excited bc I don’t want to get my hopes up and I’m so angry this is happening and we all can’t have the day we’ve always thought about. I’m so mad!! It’s so unfair. I’m sad that some people won’t come bc of this. I’m sad that I may have to change plans. I’m 38. I still want kids. Post-poning isn’t exactly ideal. I’m a mess. Can anyone relate or please try and help me see the silver lining?? 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

42 Comments

Latest activity by Danielle, on July 14, 2020 at 10:40 PM
  • Michelle
    Super October 2020
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Same. I’m allowed to have my wedding with social distancing in mind but I feel so guilty and stressed out. Like you, I don’t want to postpone. I have plans to start having kids and also my parents aren’t getting any younger.
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  • Lindseyb
    Savvy September 2021
    Lindseyb ·
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    That’s how I feel.. except I feel no guilt because the people that feel comfortable will come.. and those who don’t, won’t.. so don’t feel guilty. People understand why you want to have it and if they don’t.. well.. I’ll save my choice words 🤭😘
    • Reply
  • Onya
    Expert October 2020
    Onya ·
    • Flag
    Silver lining is that you’re healthy, you can still marry your future fiancé with or without a wedding, and you aren’t going through this alone. You have your fiancés love that is making all this worth it. 💜
    • Reply
  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
    • Flag
    Yes, completely ❤
    My date was 11/14/2020 and my partner is 37. I say was because we realize we are very likely postponing to next year. We are also fighting infertility on top of age/the clock of time. So, I totally understand what you're saying! You are not alone. ❤

    My fiance helped me actually become okay with the wedding stuff after a freak out about save the dates. I talked about small groups and masks and I was very upset. I had a million thoughts- like my dream wedding vs being married, wanting to be married before pregnancy vs our closing window. He said, "if we can't have the wedding we/you want, we should postpone. The way I see it, we live together and have our life together and that isn't changing. If you want to and its important to you to get legally married this year we can push ahead and celebrate next year or we can do everything next year."I think for me it just put everything back into perspective- our wedding is specifically to celebrate with those closest to us and if I can't do that this year (aka limiting to 10 people and no dancing, or whatever) then why push ahead? We have no legal need to get married right away on paper and if we can't celebrate (dance, hug, etc.) with ALL the people important to us then it isn't worth hosting at this moment to us. My life won't change if we marry and it won't change if we don't. I think that's what I realized and what made me feel okay postponing.

    As for having kids, we felt (for us) that this just wasn't an ideal time during a pandemic. My partner has high risk complications so we are still self quarantined and probably will be for a while. I don't want to experience my pregnancy like this, unable to be with my mom or his parents, our siblings, stressed out at doctor's offices (I don't even want to be in one right now, even the OB/GYN because of the large amount of people they see every day and the waiting rooms.) This doesn't include all the doctors we'll have to see (and waiting rooms to sit in) while ttc.
    However that is our situation and choice. You may choose to push forward with the wedding, pregnancy, etc. There are no right or wrong decisions, just decisions. Smiley smileYou may want to sit down and have a realistic discussion about what you want to do in a best case scenario, worst case scenario and everything in between. This often helps me, having a plan A through Z lol.
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  • Jade
    Expert November 2021
    Jade ·
    • Flag
    Yes I feel exactly this!! My wedding is November 21 and every time I start to feel like everything will work out bad news hits and it’s getting frustrating. We are trying to just plan as normal and just sent out save the dates (I know so late) and We’ve been getting texts and calls of excited friends and family, but my dads friends and FHs family have also done the “they are actually still planning?” Which I think is unfair because it’s still 5 months away..


    I’ve always loved planning events so planning a wedding is so fun for me, but now it just seems like I have to force myself to because we might not even get our wedding. I’m also worried that if we are able to have it that people won’t come. This whole thing is just so overwhelming. I’m worried that a certain family member will convince other family members not to come, because she’s already expressed that she thinks it’s ridiculous that we’re still planning. Idek what to do.
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  • Kristina
    Dedicated July 2020
    Kristina ·
    • Flag
    I totally get it. My wedding is July 18 and I’m still feeling like nothing is going right. I have to remind myself it’s about me and FH, nobody else. There isn’t much I can do for decorations or anything because of Covid so I’m just basically ready to be married at this point.
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  • Abigail
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Abigail ·
    • Flag
    Hi Lindsey, I feel your pain as I am also in that situation of feeling very sad about all the changes to be made. However I Believe you should take comfort in the fact that you guys have each other, a wedding is just a Ceremony, the marriage is what you should get excited about and the thought of having each other forever. You can always have a second reception or a party with those who couldnt make it if you wish. I was very angry too, but why waste good time being angry, focus your energy on building with your partner. STAY STRONG! Maybe you could also think about moving it to an earlier date with those who can come so you can start your family sooner!!
    • Reply
  • Mrs.a
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
    • Flag

    Breathe girl! It’ll be okay...

    Went through a funk last week after receiving notice from our venue that we have to cut our guest list to meet the 50% occupancy...FH & I were at odds deciding whether to go with a larger more expensive venue or to cut the guest list...and we’re 97 days away!

    We made the hard decision to cut the guest list (slightly) and mailed out invitations which was a huge relief in itself.

    We also discussed our Plan B not too long ago and double checked with our priest, our venues, etc. if we decide to elope that will be possible...and it is...and we can postpone/reschedule/cancel with our reception venue/caterer...at least we have options.

    I’m just adapting to the go-with-the-flow mentality because that’s all I can do at this point. Now I’m just trying to make plans on how to make it more safe for guests who may attend.

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  • Tricia
    Savvy October 2021
    Tricia ·
    • Flag
    I 1000% can relate. My state requires so many stipulations in order to have a “social gathering” that we are going to postpone the huge wedding, but we are still going to get married on the original planned date but in a small ceremony of no more than 35 people. The silver lining is that no matter what you do, whether it’s get married at a huge wedding or in your backyard with only 35 people, is that you get to marry the love of your life! The wedding is about everyone else, it’s standing infront of friends and family and throwing them a party, but the official sacrament of marriage is about you two!!! It doesn’t matter whether it’s big or small, as long as you get the chance to tell each other how much you love each other and get to say i do, then the parts for everyone else can wait♥️🥰 i hope for the best for you!!
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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag

    I won't lie and say there is no anxious or overwhelming feeling that comes over me, but when it does I sit back and think what can I do about Covid? Other than try to stay healthy and keep my family healthy. I have this in my control. I have no control over what other people do or say. So, every time I get upset, what is it doing to me? It's creating stress that I have ZERO CONTROL over. Sometimes you just have to trust and believe it will work out the way it's meant to.

    Our wedding is a month before yours and our Resort was shut down from Mid-March until June 1st. We were finally able to lock-in our date and sign our contract 2 weeks ago. While I was "slightly" concerned - I had to remind myself daily that this was all out of my control. I can control ME and me alone. Stop worrying, get excited, The world will NOT shut down again, especially AFTER election day.

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    I'll be 35 before the end of the year. Our wedding was supposed to be May 30th, so we had already put our invites in the mail before Covid was really on folks radar (literally life was normal on Monday when I went to the post office and by Friday most of our area was shutting down). I went from "yay we're getting married in 80 days!" to "we only have 75 days for this thing to blow over". The countdown went from excitement to terror. Those 2 1/2 months were probably the most stressful of my life. I saw all of my hopes and dreams for the future shatter, and grieved the loss of my wedding, the chance to start a family, etc.

    We decided to cancel on May 1st and notified our guests, then on May 20th my mom was diagnosed with cancer, so we quickly threw together an elopement and married 10 days later on our original date. Almost everything was still shut down then so we had my best friend and mom from out of town sleeping on our couches in our small 900 square foot home and hosted them all weekend, cooking meals, etc because hotels and restaurants weren't open and I got ready for my wedding by sharing my tiny 90 square foot bathroom with three other women. At our elopement, my husbands parents wouldn't even hug us because they were so worried about Covid. It didn't feel like a celebration at all and was so stressful and disappointing.

    However, I'm so happy we got married. The elopement wasn't what it should have been, but being married feels amazing. I honestly don't know how long I would have lasted in that constant state of anxiety and fear, so even just putting an end to that by tying the knot probably made it worth it, even though it was totally different than we wanted (and frankly we deserved much better). I feel so much better now than I did in those last couple months leading up to our day. We are planning a "redo" wedding and reception for next year (6/12/21) when we can hopefully have our friends and families come celebrate with us, but I'm not confident things will be better by then. I'm thinking about kids too. . I don't want to wait a full year to try. I'm worried about getting pregnant now and being pregnant for the wedding or just post-partum. I'm worried about not trying. I'm worried we'll wait and next year's redo wedding still won't happen so we'll push things off more and wait more and then we'll just miss our window to have kids and maybe still never be able to get together with our friends to celebrate. For us it was really important to be married first, so at least we've ticked that milestone, but I'm worried about how our baby making plans will impact our delayed wedding, and with Covid I'm also concerned about whether or not I'll put myself or my baby in danger or if my husband will even be able to participate in all of my appointments and be there for the birth. I don't have 2-4 years to wait out a pandemic. It's honestly awful.

    I am so sorry you are going through this. My best advice is decide what is really important to you and go through with it, however you have to. Getting married and honoring our plan to go through with being husband and wife on that date ended up being really important to me, and now I'm so grateful we didn't let a pandemic stop it and we did what we could. I still wish it had been different, but we were in a position where there was no winning, there was only making the best of a horrible situation and taking away something positive from it. Some couples are delaying and feeling really good about it, some are doing virtual or drive by weddings, and some are eloping in private. I feel like its nice to share in that day with the people you love, but when it comes down to it the only two people who truly matter at a wedding are the two committing their lives to one another. Don't make decisions based on other people - figure out what is important to the two of you and the two of you only. If you are both healthy and able, and want to get married you should do it. Only you and your partner can decide what is right for you.


    Cry as much as you need. So much love and virtual hugs!

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    Super October 2020
    Brittany ·
    • Flag

    We gotta stick together with this stuff going on!! Trust me I get it, I don't like having that cloud over my head too! It's very unnerving and I feel like crying all the time! BUTTTTT we are marrying the loves of our lives!! We get to spend forever with them (for however long that is). We are also in this together and you are definitely NOT alone!! I think, thinking about that is what is helping me and just checking off my list one by one. I think if you have a backup plan then you should be able to get married and then later maybe have a BIG party??

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Savvy October 2020
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    YES! I’m a 10/10/2020 bride and I’m feeling the same way. We were only planning on inviting 75-100 people anyways, but with most of our family having to come from out of time, I’m stressed that nobody will show. I’m close to my grandpa and my FH is close to his grandparents, and we really, REALLY want them to be able to come. If worst comes to worst, we’re just going to go to the courthouse and get married (if that’s even possible) if things shut down again. I can’t deal with the stress of rearrangement.
    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Just Said Yes May 2021
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    I dont even know when mine will be right now because of this stuff so yes I am crying with you 😔
    • Reply
  • Alexis
    Savvy May 2021
    Alexis ·
    • Flag
    I know it’s hard to do, but I try to always remind myself to focus on the marriage over the wedding. It can be so hard because weddings are something we have dreamed about and put a lot of money into. However, my marriage to my future husband means more than a wedding. Someone told me I might not have my wedding (which is March 2021), my response was, “at least I’ll get all my money back and I can use it on our house we bought!” Lol. I also won’t postpone. I want to have a child and so does my fiancé. I’d rather have a small wedding with the people I love most, and a big reception down the road, than to postpone the entire wedding.
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  • Alexis
    Savvy May 2021
    Alexis ·
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    You should also check into an officiant coming to a park or something instead of the courthouse if it comes down to it! A friend of mine had her wedding in a local park with 10 people total. They were able to apply for their marriage certificate online. That’s my back up plan!
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  • Sarah
    Savvy October 2020
    Sarah ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I’m actually having my dad get ordained online for this very scenario!
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  • Alexis
    Savvy May 2021
    Alexis ·
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    Excellent idea!!
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  • Maureen
    Dedicated October 2021
    Maureen ·
    • Flag
    So this whole Covid mess has me upset also. This is the third date for us (10/24/2020). The first year I had to have a cervical spinal fusion, last year it was sinus surgery, this is supposed to be the year! I have spent 3 years, planning, crafting, working over time for this day. Im mad at the media for reporting the way they do, Im mad at hospitals for reporting false cases, (my son is one of those, food poisoning is not Covid, yet was reported as such) We are only planning 50 people, but I want our 50 people wedding. I havent cried, but have come close when people ask are you sure you're even going to be able to have your wedding? Ugh! The world needs a huge anti covid enema!!!
    • Reply
  • A
    Just Said Yes November 2021
    Allison ·
    • Flag
    Your ok momma! Social distance your guest offer face mask and at the end of the day IF ITS IMPORTANT TO THEM they will be there no matter what. 🥰🙌🏼🙏
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