Consolation-prize bachelorette party?

I can see where you are coming from with this. I personally would go just the 3 of you since the other girls already did the original trip with you! I would kind of feel bratty too like oh it wasn't good enough the first time but nowwww you wanna do something. I would just do dinner and say you wanna keep it simple no extravagant sashes etc! You could go to a winery that has a restaurant. That would be fine. Do wine tasting and then dinner!

I think you are fine to tell them you want to keep it small. I wouldnt tell them why though because that might put them on the defensive or give them the impression that you're upset they didn't come. I think I would feel the exact same way as you so I definitely dont think you are being bratty or sensitive. I'm just not sure that an honest conversation about it would be productive.

I don't see anything wrong with having two in different cities, but I'd invite all the BM and MOH to the dinner one but not expect them to pay for anything besides their own meal since they did the Utah trip already.

The originals went with you on a long distance, expensive trip. I know media has recently made it sound like most people do that for a bachelorette, but actually, most people don't. Most people get just an evening out doing something. Otherwise, it becomes more time consuming and expensive for the bachelorette ( which is a minor party) than the actual wedding and reception. Some people were able to do an over the top trip. Good, nice you got that. But to refuse to do something with those who can only do the usual thing, sounds very elitist and snobby, like their efforts are not good enough, because they did not do the extravaganza. Having a second, smaller party takes nothing away from the first one or the people who did it. Refusing it is like kicking these people for treating you like most brides, an evening out, and not princess treatment, the longer and far more expensive trip. . . That is like looking at the gifts that arrive before the wedding, and saying, well some things are super pricey and nice. Maybe I should uninvite people who gave me usual but not over the top wedding presents. So I do not give them as much credit as those who gave spectacular gifts. You should appreciate any gift (party) that is given to you, as a nice gesture from friends. Holding out on those offering the evening out would make you look like a most unpleasant and ungrateful person. Is that what you want people to think of you? This other invitation is nothing to do with the first group. It is all about you personally, and your acceptance or rejection of the people offering another celebration that they have time and money to do.

I may be in the minority but this is actually common in my social circle- whoever can afford it goes on the destination bachelorette weekend and those who can’t throw something smaller local to the bride at a later date- usually dinner and drinks or a local winery/brewery tour or paint night. I don’t think you have to invite everyone you know, but I don’t think it’s right to say they’re taking anything away from your other trip or to decline their offer to take you out and celebrate.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you Angelena and Maggie. I'm just going to say let's keep it small with just us three and leave it at that. That way I'm not saying "thanks for the consolation prize"

View Quoted Comment

I don't think this is what she is saying at all. She even mentioned that she understood why people didn't come for cost reasons. When she said "it cheapens what the other girls did", I think she's saying that because she doesn't want the people who threw Party #1 to feel like their party wasn't appreciated just because she might have a second party. I don't see any part of the above post where the OP is talking about how a dinner party wouldn't be good enough, and it feels like we read two separate posts?

And it's also not ungrateful and unpleasant to be partied-out. Are brides ungrateful and unpleasant if they don't want to have a bachelorette, even when their bridesmaids do? There are plenty of brides that turn down the idea of having a bachelorette, just because you're a bride doesn't mean that you have to do everything.

I can see why you feel the way you do. I'd let them know that you are grateful, but you'd like to keep it the three of you since the other possible invitees already attended a bachelorette for you and you don't want to ask them to attend another one because you'd feel like you'd be asking too much from them. They should understand.

View Quoted Comment

Thanks for your perspective, Judith.

You have a good analogy/ point. And I understand what you are trying to say, but I don't believe that's the case here - that I think one group treated me like a princess, and the other isn't. I don't really want to get into it, that's not the case here, but I can see where it could be misconstrued in that manner.

That said, I'm trying to find a way to be respectful of everyone involved. No, I don't want it to be perceived as me saying I'm ungrateful for the offer of a local party, but I also don't want to say the first wasn't a bachelorette party when people did put so much time, money and effort into it. I also don't want people to say, wow, princess gets two bachelorette parties. I think going out with the second group only is a good solution! (i.e. not inviting other people that were already invited to the other event. I don't want to make my MOH (in another state) or another BM (also in another state) feel like they're bailing on another party)

View Quoted Comment

Thank you, Nisa!!

Hard to get out everything you want to say in writing/ over the internet.

I'm really just trying to be sensitive to everyone's feelings.

View Quoted Comment She never says she is partied out, a whole different thing. She refers to the second one as a lesser "consolation prize" when in fact, that sounds very like rating the party / gift. Many people have 2 or 3 showers, or Bach, according to what participants can do. She is comparing them , and saying one lesser worth. Not having time or energy for another party was never mentioned.

View Quoted Comment

Interesting to hear!

Okay, just the three of us and I'll quit the snark about the second bachelorette party

I think it’s okay to say let’s keep it to us three

View Quoted Comment

I agree with Judith's take on this post. The title even says "Consolation-prize bachelorette party" - like it isn't as good of a gesture or as appreciated as the destination trip. These destination trip bachelorette parties are too much IMO. Great if everyone has the time and money but not everyone has both so it is appropriate what the other BMs are offering - a more traditional way of hosting the party which is an evening of fun someplace local. This shouldn't even be called a "mini" bachelorette party since it is a bachelorette party in its truest sense.

View Quoted Comment

Okay, okay, I always agree with you on things, so I guess the title was a bit snarky.

The title/ post was supposed to be (1) more of a comment on the two ladies saying they simply didn't want to go to Park City b/c they just didn't want to (before I even asked them to be BMs I told them I wanted to do Whistler and they said they would do it. When it changed to Park City they literally said they had the funds and the time for it but just simply didn't want to go somewhere cold) and then telling me they feel bad they didn't go so they wanted to make themselves feel better and do something else (I was trying not to get into that, but I guess I will) and (2) me asking an opinion on am I wrong/ what should I do/ is it a "consolation prize bachelorette party?"

Opinion heard - most seem to say they understand both sides of where I'm coming from (wanting to give credit to those who went to Park City and not hurt the others feelings for trying to do something else/ additional), and some think I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth. I wanted to find a way to not be the latter, and I think by saying to the second two ladies let's do us/ something small I can be gracious and respectful of both groups.

...I took everyone's advice and told the two ladies let's keep it to just us and not be crazy and they said oh totally, just want to go to dinner with you! I was probably just being over sensitive trying to not hurt anyone's feelings! (I'm good at doing that... worrying about others' feelings and not my own)

View Quoted Comment

Sounds like it will be a nice dinner with just the three of you. Enjoy!

View Quoted Comment

Thanks!

I think you're always very level-headed and logical on other posts, so I really do appreciate your perspective and being "put in check" for the 'attitude' (my words, not yours).

View Quoted Comment

Thank you for those kind words!

View Quoted Comment

Well she does call the offer of a dinner a consolation prize, so I think that's where Judith is coming from. I honestly had the same reaction because she referred to the very kind offer her friends made to take her out to dinner as a consolation prize.

Be direct. Just say youd prefer to keep it special and small and low key. It's not because of this or that or considering this person or that person. Make an assertion not an explanation. "Hey it's come up that this may be turning into a bigger thing than we first talked about, and as flattered as I am that people are so thoughtful... I'd much rather spend the evening with us three and keep it special and low key." Done.