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Super March 2019

Consolation-prize bachelorette party?

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FutureStephD, on January 31, 2019 at 3:06 PM

Background: my sister and MOH tried to throw me a bachelorette party in Whistler and four out of five other BMs declined. So my cousin/BM, my sister, me and a few other friends put together a girls trip to Park City, Utah on the same weekend that Whistler was going to be planned. All BMs were extended an invitation to go and all declined again, (one doesn't like cold, another didn't want to go, another decided to go to Aspen with her BF, another can't afford it (totally get it), and then my sister ended up backing out b/c she was doing too many other fun trips). A total of six of us, including my BM/ cousin, went and it was so much fun!! I told the girls let's not label it a bachelorette party b/c I didn't want to hurt the other BMs' feelings, but my mom and sister sent some fun bachelorette stuff with my cousin/ BM, and we ended up having one night of fun celebrating the upcoming nuptials.

Well, two of my BMs now feel bad they didn't go and want to host a mini-bachelorette party with just us three. Fine, we can go to dinner. Well, now they are e-mailing the other two local BMs (including my cousin who went to Park City) and asking if they want to join, and want the names/ contact info of other local ladies attending the wedding.

I'm not sure if I'm being a brat or baby, but I'm a little annoyed. I feel like they are doing this so they don't feel bad for not going to/ having a bachelorette party. I also feel like at some level it cheapens what the other girls did (I asked my cousin and a friend who went on the trip and they agreed, but my cousin said she would go again if that's what I wanted). I'm also not into the whole bachelorette scene of sashes, you-know-whats, debauchery etc and I'm super worried that's what it's going to be.

Is it rude of me to decline? Or even say "let's keep it to us three, and not extend it to others b/c I already went to Park City and I don't want to hurt the feelings of those who did that"? Am I being to sensitive?

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26 Comments

Super February 2019
Maggie · on January 31, 2019 at 5:26 PM
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As a fellow overthinker I read as someone who is concerned that a secondary party could hurt her friends feelings. The friends that went out of town with her went above and beyond and gave her the exact party she had been looking for. The in town friends seemed like they could potentially be planning a party that's not her scene. I think the title of the post is a bit unfortunate, but I think she overall meant well. I do also think some of the criticism here is fair and it seems like OP is fully acknowledging that, so kudos all around to a respectful discussion.
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Master 0000
Judith · on January 31, 2019 at 6:25 PM
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This sounds nice. Each party is a good thing. No need to compare them or rate them. Just enjoy both, and the thoughtfulness of friends wishing you happiness. 😊
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Devoted January 2019
S · on January 31, 2019 at 11:42 PM
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I don't really see anything wrong with this. Many people don't have the time and/or money to go on a destination trip. It's nice that they still want to do something that fits their schedules and budget.
If you think that inviting the others who already went on the trip would be asking too much of them, then I'd just let the 3 know that you want to keep it small.
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Super November 2019
Kristin · on February 1, 2019 at 10:03 AM
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I would say keep it small. I don't think it would be elitist or poor etiquette to ask for that. I would be a bit perturbed myself (to be honest) if most of my girls didn't come for the reasons you listed (don't like the cold? - Maybe it's cause I'm from IL/WI but really?, just don't feel like going, had something better to do, etc) with the exception of the one not able to afford it. I think it was a kind gesture to not call it a bachelorette party for their sake but again, they chose not to come. I think it's also nice that the ones who simply chose not to come are trying to make it up to you but I understand being "partied out" and not being one who likes the spotlight on them. We are going to Vegas for mine - mostly because the girls wanted to - but with the caveat that we are also going to be celebrating my 30th and my FSIL 40th birthday's while we are there as to try to minimize the typical "Vegas Bachelorette Party" insanity. We gave everyone 6 months notice and luckily everyone has been able to make it
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Super March 2019
FutureStephD · on February 1, 2019 at 10:53 AM
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Thank you.
Four of my BMs live in the Chicago area so right there with you! Have fun in Vegas!! That will be a super fun trip.
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VIP March 2019
Yoice · on February 1, 2019 at 11:08 AM
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It is common to have a second bachelorette party at home if your original was a destination so I don’t see anything odd about it. What I do see odd that I think it bothers you is how they’re planning this now AFTER your other one. I think if it was plan before it would of being like hey we can’t go but we still want to celebrate you so we will do something local once you’re back instead of planning after because you feel back. I get it! I’ll be annoyed too. But better late than never and they’re your bridesmaids, don’t create an uncomfortable situation for them or anyone that can create tension later on. You want to have stories to share while getting ready that involve all of your girls even if is not on the same night. Go ahead and have fun and let them celebrate you. If you rather have just them 3 than just tell her that.
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