Conflicted Commintment Ceremony

What bearing does marriage have on disability benefits? Why would you lose them?

Are you sure you would lose your disability benefits?

Most ministers won't perform anything because there is no marriage license. Something about Liability

I"m sorry you have to even make this kind of decision. I'd talk to your minister about this before you go much further; I couldn't even perform this.

As someone who's dealt with disability myself, I'm skeptical that you would lose your benefits if your husband really makes so little. I would talk to a disability lawyer and your minister before making a decision, as the options may be different than you are aware of.

Purplekitten has a good question. Why would you lose disability? I am no means a legal expert but it seems you would only lose disability if you recovered and could work.

Formal:

Mr. and Mrs. John Doe

Request the honor of your presence at the commitment ceremony uniting their daughter

Jane Doe with John Smith

Son of Mr. and Mrs. Paul Smith

date/time address etc.

Please join us for a reception immediately following the ceremony

Informal:

Please join us as we celebrate our Commitment Ceremony

Jane Doe and John Smith

date/time/address etc.

A casual brunch will immediately follow the ceremony

You can replace "commitment ceremony" with what you thinks sounds best, including holy union, union ceremony, relationship blessing, celebration of commitment, etc.

John Doe and Jane Smith invite you to join them as they exchange vows and unite their lives

With joy, we, John Doe and Jane Smith invite you to share in a celebration of our love

My best friend's fiance is on SSI and he would lose it if they got married because of how much she makes. So they're just like perpetually engaged until they can figure out what makes sense to them. No judgment from me.

But I agree that a minister probably wouldn't be able to do this. Talk to him or her first before you go any further with these plans. It can actually be illegal to perform a marriage ceremony without a license.

I'm on SSI because of my medical conditions. That would end so that my medical benefits would stop. I don't care about the money but I have to have the medical benefits. There is no way he can support my medical needs. I take 1500.00 worth of medication a month alone. That doesn't even include the doctor visits and tests.

In most states, it's a misdemeanor. In many the officiant has to SEE the license before they can start the ceremony. If you do this, your minister (if they'll do it) needs to make it very, very clear that what is happening is not a legal marriage.

SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance) is paid to anyone who has enough work credits, has paid (via payroll deductions) into the SS system, and who has been deemed disabled. If you are being paid SSDI based on your own work record, getting married will change nothing. You will continue to keep receiving your monthly checks.

Getting married does affect the continued receipt of SSDI checks under other conditions. If you are collecting based on the work record of someone else -- someone like your parents (because you are an adult "disabled child"), your ex-spouse, or your deceased ex-spouse, getting married will cause the benefits to stop. I'm assuming OP is collecting on someone else's work record (totally legit), because if it were her work record, they only thing that could stop her from receiving her own benefits is if she was deemed able to work.

As far as the commitment ceremony, it shouldn't be that hard to find someone of your faith -- someone who is not ordained -- to do a religious ceremony for you. It isn't a wedding, so there is no license for anyone to sign. It's a public declaration of your commitment to each other. No church or government agency need be involved with that.

Wording?

It is with the greatest joy that we,

Elizabeth and Sam,

invite you to join us as we publicly

join our hearts and hands

and proudly declare that we are a unified couple

bound by our commitment to each other.

This commitment ceremony will take place --

Fill in your date, place, time info and add the info about the reception

Most ministers won't perform this without a license. You're going to have to do some serious shopping around.

Elizabeth, who told your benefits would stop? If they are your benefits, based on your work history, they can't be taken away because you get married. I know several people on disability who were married and they kept their benefits. Are you sure we are talking about disability benefits issued by the federal government?

My mum was on SSI and disability my entire life and she was married to my dad (who made quite a bit of money.... maybe I haven't read through the disability stuff too much, but I know plenty of people that get disability and are married.

ChristineKyle -- Disability (SSDI) is issued by the federal government. It's a federal system, so states (as far as I know) have no say in whether or not those checks are stopped.

I think what might be confusing the issue is that there are SSDI payments and SSI (Supplemental Security Income) payments. Both are commonly referred to as "disability". The difference between the two programs is that one is based on work history/work credit/payroll deductions, and the other is based on helping those with disabilities who do not qualify for SSDI due to an insufficient work history. The government does help those people with checks and health insurance. It is very true that getting married will impact those on SSI disability. In fact, they have a choice to make. Getting married allows the government to add those monthly benefit payments to the annual income of the spouse. That can easily push the recipient of SSI over the limit of eligibility. It gets confusing from there as there is a penalty, and it can end in the married recipient losing their disability benefits (which is huge -- it isn't just a payment, it's enrollment in Medicare or Medicaid)

Same sex couples did this when it was not legal for them to be married. I would do some searching on that for wording. If you want to be married for religious reasons, talk to your minister and see what can be done

A couple contacted me about officiating a commitment ceremony (she was on some type of disability and was afraid she would lose it). I had to turn them away, because then they started insisting that I call it a marriage and pronounce them husband and wife and lie to their families and friends about it. They felt they deserved to be treated the same as a couple with a license getting legally married. Nope, doesn't work that way. I won't be part of defrauding the government -- my livelihood is involved, too.

If you go through with this, make sure no one takes photos. If there is a photo of what appears to be a wedding (woman in a white dress, man putting a ring on her finger, someone looking like an officiant)...