Co-ed bachelor/bachelorette party?!

Hard pass for me. These events are supposed to celebrate your last days being single. The combined events always seem clingy to me.

Are you planning your own? If so then stop. Other people are supposed to plan parties in your honour.

Lol clingy? FH and I enjoy each other's company, as well as our mutual friends.

@Jacks - yes I am! I'm not really big into all the traditional roles and things. I'm not having a bridal shower, we really didn't even want an engagement party. My dad just said he was throwing one for us. We don't want people spending more than they have to. The less they spend on trivial things, the more they will spend on our wedding gifts!

Ok well have at it, do what you want. You'll get bigger gifts this way, totes.

I don't know how to advise you to do something that's rude.

"The less they spend on trivial things, the more they will send on our wedding gifts" Wow. This right here is ridiculous. These people are supposed to be your nearest and dearest, not just people to buy you things.

Uhhhhh these parties are thrown in your honor and hosted by someone other than you because it's rude to say "here's what I want to do and you have to pay for it". If someone doesn't offer to host it then you shouldn't get one or throw one yourself. That's really rude.

ETA:more

My fiancé and I have been in the same group of friends prior to getting together. We've gone to strip clubs together (normally to celebrate other people's co-ed bachelor or bachelorette parties) and have our share of going with our own friends separately. Since we have no interest in strippers/strip clubs from over partying in our "younger days" (we're 33), we're planning on having ours combined. It'll either be at this club that plays only 80's and 90's music or a combined trip to Vegas where the guys go off drinking and gambling and the girls go to shows and spas. Still up in the air but, ultimately, it's it'll be in the same location.

Still rude to plan your own BP in the interest of getting bigger gifts.

Okay, now I'm starting to think that a lot of people on here are rude for no reason. We've talked with our bridal party about choosing a night to celebrate together, and all of them have come back excited and on board. I don't know what rule book y'all are reading from, but my people are super chill and down to earth. Traditions aren't always the best.

I'm not being rude. I'm saying that you have a rude idea. I'm reading from the rule book of proper etiquette where you don't throw parties in honour of your own self.

And I disagree with being able to plan or having a say in what you want to do for your own parties. My MOH asked me what I'd want to do and I threw out different ideas. I think that would be better than, "You're supposed to throw me the party so you tell me what we're doing." However, I also told her that I'd like to chip in some money to help fund since it's my idea. Not saying she'll let me but I'm going to try. Maybe I'm new to this whole wedding planning thing but I don't like expecting others to do things for me and my MOH and I have been having open discussions on what I'd like to do and what she'd be comfortable in doing for me.

This OP is planning her own party with no actual host and for the reason that her wedding gifts will be bigger. Did you read the thread, Malei? I would really suggest that you spend some time here to get an idea of wedding etiquette, because it's actually pretty universal. This is not just my opinion.

@malei - Thank you for being the only relevant one here, answering my question! That sounds like fun! I think starting off separately and then coming together is another great idea!

I'm trying to prevent you from embarrassing yourself, Aisha.

Me and FH kind of sort of had a co - ed bachelor party in New Orleans for two days since we have a lot of mutual friends. 1st day all the girls went their way and the guys did to. The second day we were all together and we paid for dinner with a couple of drinks and party at bourbon st. It all went great

I am going to P-town for my bachelorette day, a beach on the tip of CapeCod. warm water and my girls. at the end of the day we will be meeting up with the guys for dinner and then going out separate ways again. MY FH family doesnt drink due to their religion and two out of the 6 are his cousins... so I'm not sure his plans for the day or after dinner.

My cousin (whos a BM) is planning the day for me so I don't know all the plans

@Aisha Yes I was a little surprised at how others can be or even seem judgmental when all you were doing was asking for advice. I've had someone tell me that I should see a financial advisor about something instead of asking it on here. That's like giving the answer for those asking for advice to "go see a wedding planner" instead of posting.

I get what you were trying to say about having less unnecessary parties like the engagement party. The focus on that was that you don't want people spending more than they have to. If I were invited to an engagement party, a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, and the wedding... I'd get lots of tiny gifts instead of one big gift which would've probably cost more than all the little gifts combined. I get it. I'm still trying to ignore the rude and judgmental ones and take in only the constructive comments. Don't let minor stuff like that affect you from posting on here.

There's etiquette and there's traditional. Not throwing your own party is traditional, although I'm pretty sure she's not throwing it herself and has been in discussion with her bridal party about it (did YOU read the thread?). If I'm wrong and misread that then apologies in advance. But what you're saying she's doing is non-traditional, not rude.

@alma - See I would love to do something like that too! I wouldn't mind doing that! I want to do something local and not as expensive for the sake of their pocket books. Since our BP has to pay for their dresses and Suits!

This is not a good reason to plan your own party: "The less they spend on trivial things, the more they will spend on our wedding gifts!"

@Malei yesss!!! Thank you for reading my post correctly! lol my FH stay in contact with our BP and what works for them too.

Also my FH would like to know how is it rude if we want to take the responsibility off of our friends' shoulders, knowing that we are the most financially successful out of all of our friends, and we have to ability to be conscious of everyone's wallet better than anyone. Like I said, we aren't doing things traditionally.