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Beginner December 2021

Choosing Bridesmaids

Amanda, on March 21, 2021 at 3:38 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 21
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Hi ladies!
Wedding planning is going well so far, but the toughest thing for me has been choosing my bridesmaids. I really need some help here!
So far I have 9 in mind, and they are all from different parts of my life. My MOH will be my closest cousin. I also have 2 other close first cousins, but am planning to choose only 1 as a BM since we have a relationship and I don’t really have a relationship with the other. Is that bad to only include 2 out of the 3 in the wedding party? Also have 2 friends from college and we used to be best friends. They don’t live close to me and I’ve been closer with 1 of them, and the I’ve only seen the other a handful of times. I was thinking to include them both as BMs, since I don’t think I could split them up. Does that look bad if I include both of my college friends over a cousin? Any help/advice is appreciated!

21 Comments

Latest activity by Katie, on March 30, 2021 at 1:11 PM
  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    I can't really say much because I'm only having a MOH - but how many bridesmaids are you actually planning on having? Me personally I would only included your closest, its ultimately your decision who you include. I don't think it would "look bad" if you include your college friends over your cousins, I'm having my college friend as my MOH because I'm not close with my cousin at all - I've tried to have a relationship with her but she doesn't seem interested so thats that.

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  • Grace
    Super February 2022
    Grace ·
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    Definitely should not be concerned about the second cousin. The cousin I am closest to didn't even invite me to her wedding. Unless your family are paying for things and making demands, it is really up to you as to who you have involved. Even then, it should still be your choice but sometimes family makes things complicated.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    First of all do not ask anyone before 6 months before the wedding. And only ask those who are your closest best friends. The forums are full of posts of brides who asked too early and people they are not close to out of obligation and trying to figure out how to ask them to step down.

    If you are not super close to them (your bestest friends in the world at the current time), scratch them off the list. Not everyone is that close to their cousins so it doesn't look bad. What does look bad is picking people you have no current relationship with.

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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Pick who you are close to now, not you have been close to in the past. Who is the person you call when you are super upset about something? Or who were the people you were most excited to tell when you got engaged? Think of the few people who you go to for life's big and small moments. Those are the people who should be in your bridal party.
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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    Based on what you’ve described, I would only see one bridesmaid (your cousin who you are close with). Make your choices based on relationships, not perceived obligations or guilt. Unfortunately many posts on this forum have proven that when people are selected for the wrong reasons, it inevitably goes south and the relationship/friendships suffers.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    The best way to preserve your relationships is not to feel you need add the extra cousin, but also to have only one of the college friends. The ones you rarely see know that, and picking them to go along with a friend you like better , $25 for each extra bag, is insulting. Asking in April or May is good for a December wedding time.
    Don't ask anyone you don't feel really close to. Ask others as guests. And smaller wedding parties do better. I have never seen and 8,9, or 10 person BM and MOH where more than 7 lasted. Too many personalities, some know they are closer than others and petty jealousies interfere. Only have a best friend type cousin. No sort of friends. There is no need to choose cousins over friends. It is how close you feel, day to day.
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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    💯 agree! Don’t ask now. I’ve seen lots of posts from brides asking ladies out of obligation only to regret it later.
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  • MK
    Expert September 2021
    MK ·
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    The beauty of wedding planning is that there are no set rules-- you ask who you want by your side on one of the biggest days of your life! If you are close to one friend or family member over another, that's who you should ask and you shouldn't feel bad about it!

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  • Mageofhonor
    Dedicated November 2021
    Mageofhonor ·
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    I agree with the previous posters: wait a bit and only ask those who are in your life and that you’re closest with currently! They’re going to be one of your biggest support systems on your wedding day so you want people you trust and love through and through. I highly recommend no obligatory asks, and no people you have to rebuild relationships with if you haven’t seen them in a while.
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    Your bridal party should be made up of those closest to you. Just because someone is family doesn't give them a automatic spot in your bridal party. I would not be concerned about splitting people up. If it is not someone that you speak to or spend time with on a regular basis, I would not include them in your wedding party.

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  • Kiyome
    Devoted December 2022
    Kiyome ·
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    Definitely only choose those who are closest to you. I am having two MOHs (my two best friends) and no one else in my bridal party. I know they won't create drama and I couldn't choose between the two of them. One has been my best friend for about 13 years and the other has been my best friend for 7 years. I'm close to both of them for different reasons. They have entirely different personalities, but ultimately they've been there for me and we are super close even when we've gone long periods of time without actually being able to see each other!
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  • A
    Savvy June 2021
    Annie ·
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    If my experience taught me anything, it's to only choose the people you are super close to. It decreases the drama, allows you to have a more special time, and is just better. I wish I hadn't invited obligation cousins or friends. One I decided not to invite and it didn't negatively impact our relationship--we are actually even closer now


    Maybe a good test: if you had cold feet and were very uncertain about going through with your day, who would you confide in? Pick those people
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  • Kiyome
    Devoted December 2022
    Kiyome ·
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    Choose those closest to you and those who you can't envision your day without. Definitely don't choose people out of obligation.
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  • A
    Beginner December 2021
    Amanda ·
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    Update! I’m pretty set on not asking the cousin who I’m not close with. However I’m stuck on my 2 best friends from college (we used to all be very close). I’m set on asking one of them since I’m still close with her and we make an effort to see each other atleast once a year. Note that I don’t live close to either of them and are both out of state. Im not as close with the other one anymore, but I feel like I would need to either ask both of them to be a BM or not ask them at all, since they wouldn’t know anyone else at the wedding. Thoughts?
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  • S
    Savvy April 2022
    Sheila ·
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    Everyone else is saying this too but don't ask out of obligation. I did and it blew up in my face.
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  • Kiyome
    Devoted December 2022
    Kiyome ·
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    You don't have to invite the friend you aren't close to anymore just because you USED to be close. I think it would make more sense to just invite the one you are still in contact with. But it's your call because every individual and relationship is different. And as for them not knowing anyone at the wedding, if they really love you, that shouldn't matter. They should be there to celebrate YOU and your marriage, not to mingle and make friends with everyone else. My 2 best friends are going to be the only ones in my bridal party and besides them, it will just be parents and my fiance's 2 siblings in attendance. They want to be there for my fiance and I because they love us. I'm sure if your friends really love you, they will still want to be there to celebrate your marriage, regardless of if they do or don't know anyone else attending your wedding.

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  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
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    If you're not close to this person anymore, do not ask her to be a BM. Just invite her as a guest. You can still seat them at the same table, etc. But don't ask her to be in your wedding party out of obligation.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Do not ask either of them. If they are not your current best friends, they don't get to be on the list. Period. I would hesitate inviting them as guests for the same reason.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Only the cousin MOH, and only 1 college friend BM. Assuming you will invite the others as guests, and will seat the 2 college friends together. People hate bridal party only tables, and with this large a group, Wedding Party plus their SO will be spread over 3 or more tables, so 2nd college friend ( and SO) can sit with the one who is BM, together from reception on. 6 really close people you keep up with now, would be far better than 9 with 3 who feel like they do not belong.
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  • Heather
    Super November 2021
    Heather ·
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    Amanda,
    For me I only have 3 bridesmaids and 1 matron of honor. While I am a friendly and social person I have always kept my circle small. My matron of honor is my cousin that I grew up with. 1 of my bridesmaids I have been friends with her since 3rd grade. The other 2 I met in high school.
    Here are a few things to keep in mind when choosing your bridesmaids:
    1. What do you expect from them? Because there may be just that ONE girl in the group who doesn't do anything, doesn't show up, or just keeps having excuses. Which can potentially make you upset and want them to step down from their role. Resulting in this will ruin your friendship with them. So make sure to have that open communication with them. It is VERY important. Some girls may be going above and beyond than others who are not doing anything at all.
    2. Choose girls who mean the MOST to you.
    3. Choose girls who are close to you NOW. Those girls who you WERE close to may still be in your life, but they were there for you for a chapter in your life when you really needed them at the time. Then there is a reason as to why there are other girls who are close to you NOW because of this new chapter in your life. Some other girls may get their feelings hurt, but they should at least try to understand as to why they weren't chosen if you aren't that close anymore.

    Just know that at the end of the day the role of a bridesmaid in a nutshell is to show up in her dress and stand by your side as you say "I do" and celebrate the night away. Smiley smile Good luck on choosing your girls!

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