Cheating!!!

UO but I also don't think once you are in a serious relationship that FB or cellphones are a "hands off" situation. There should be no secrets. It doesn't make it ok to go through his phone behind his back because now you are keeping a secret from him. If I need to use FH phone or ask to see something, I do just that, ASK. If he won't let me see who's he's messaging when we are out to dinner or whatever then a problem is created. Do not over look this. If she was just a friend he would have mentioned her to you. But really you need to come clean and apologize for snooping and ask him what's up. Was the conversation innocent or flirty? Go to c9unseling. You obviously haven't forgiven him for cheating the first time. But yes if I found out FH was talking to random girls I've never heard of behind my back I would be pissed. As a couple you should know each other's friends. Maybe ask to meet her, you may gain a new friendship from it.

You tried again to go through his phone?

Girl you have massive issues that need professional help.

You need a come to Jesus with hubs and you need to get to a therapist yesterday.

If you took him back I assume it's because you regained trust in him? Why not just trust him then or communicate with him.

Ekk yup I wouldn't have married his cheating ass. I also agree once a cheater always a cheater. In a normal trusting relationship, your husband should be allowed to have single friends. He should block all females that are actively trying to ruin his marriage but he hasn't. He is very much a fault for even giving into the communication and of course the females are skanky AF for trying to get in the middle. You knew what you were getting into when you married him. I would definitely try couples counseling and if that doesn't work.. well then you need more than love to make a marriage work.

Just read some more of your comments. Honestly I would be pissed at his behaviour. He is behaving like he's got something to his. If he didn't have anything to hide and knew you went through his account why change his oassword? My ex use to do this stuff all the time. Come to find out he was cheating with a bunch of different woman. And I agree. If him and this woman know it makes you uncomfortable with their private messages and they still don't care I would be upset. If I told my FH that some one man or woman, made me uncomfortable with their behaviour to our relationship I would hope he would listen and resolve the issue. Ask your DH to introduce you to her, if he refuses he is hiding something. If she's just a friend he should be more than willing to introduce her to his wife...

STOP blaming the girl and letting your husband off the hook. You can be a friendly person and still draw appropriate boundaries. DH and I have both had situations where we were just being friendly and the other person seemed to take it as romantic interest. As adults in a committed relationship, we draw the line and move on. Also, it's completely unrealistic to expect him never to talk to another woman. It's 2017--he will be working with women, interacting with women in public, and very likely had friends that are women. I get why you're overreacting to this, but again, STOP BLAMING other people. As for your relationship, you need to sit down and consider what you want. You've been together for 20 years and this has happened more than once before. There's no guarantee it will stop now. If you want out, schedule a meeting with an attorney. If you want to continue the marriage, get individual and couples counselling.

Get out and find someone who treats you with love and respect. It worked for Betty Draper and it can work for you.

You married a guy who cheated on you. What made you think being married would change that?

I don't believe you should have been snooping. Perhaps the two of you should try marriage counseling because you both have some unresolved issues from your past. Personally, if he's been unfaithful in the past..

The fact that he changed his password to protect his conversations with other women is a red flag for me. My FH has been friends with several women long before he and I started talking. I really have no issues with him talking to these ladies. I trust him and he trusts me. I have no reason to hide conversations on Facebook or text messsges from him and vice versa.

How are you 2 weeks into marriage and having this issue??? & then you mention you've been together for 20 years!!!! .. I mean in 20 years he's been acting this way?? You definitely need to seek counseling... If you can't trust him that won't be healthy at all. You can't blame just the girls In this situation.

ETA: Cheating is NOT a mistake.... EVER!

I have a UO here. I don't necessarily think you have to throw away a 20-year relationship over cheating. BUT the person who cheated really has to be determined to gain their partner's trust in order for it to fix things. Why don't you just tell him that you're going to need more openness to get over this and tell him that it's still really tearing you up inside? If he loves you and wants to be with you, he needs to be willing to be open and put in effort to help you move past this. There's no reason you should have to snoop; he should be giving you enough love, communication, etc. to help you trust that way. If he's just going to make you the enemy for snooping and take no responsibility for breaking your trust and think things will go back to normal, then it's not going to work. I get the sense that this happened pretty recently and you're still very raw emotionally from it. He shouldn't expect you to heal from this in a matter of weeks or even months.

I really hope you either build a stronger relationship or move on and are happy!

Those who go looking for trouble usually find it. Are the messages inappropriate?

Cheating is not a mistake...it is planned, thought out and arranged. It just doesn't happen by mistake. You leave your wallet home by mistake. You don't have sex by mistake.

You obviously have major trust issues (understandable). The two of you need counseling and you also individual counseling if you are going to make your marriage work.

He is your husband you can look thru what ever you want to, to help put yourself at ease. Its better than being naive. Ijs

Pam, I think you need to talk to him. It's obvious you both still have trust issues. How did you work on the Relationship after the cheating? Did you seek counseling? Was he open to taking to you about it? What did you do to together to heal? Separately?

Oh, vomit. Saying anything to The Other Woman is never the answer. SHE isn't the problem, SHE has no commitment to you. HE'S the damn problem and needs his ass whooped (metaphorically...?). Your partner shouldn't be talking inappropriately to other people, you shouldn't have doubts of him talking to other people, you shouldn't have compulsions to snoop, nope none of the above. It all points to bigger issues. Counseling would be great. And a big serious evaluation of your relationship.

Your marriage has already gone down the toilet! Show some respect for yourself! Why are you with someone who doesn't make you feel 100% comfortable and confident?! Get out of that relationship you don't need a man that bad! I have been cheated on twice and it is extremely damaging, get away from him!!!! The sooner the better, probably not what you want to hear

Hey, snooping has thankfully given me cause to end a bad relationship. I've been cheated on horribly. When you are with cheaters, you fall into a false trust. Even things that seem to be blazing red flags, you are willing to excuse or ignore when you love someone. Sometimes you need to see evidence for it to sink in. Cheating isn't just morally wrong, it's also physically disrespectful. A cheater compromises your sexual health by involuntarily exposing you to another partner. If your husband has cheated on you in the past, he's gotta know that that's going to take a long time to heal, and I think that's an instance where it's okay to snoop. Bad habits die hard and if you forgave a cheater and stayed with him he should be avoiding dangerous or flirtatious convos if he really wanted to leave that behind, and with a history like that even entertaining another woman would be reason to worry. Why even have the time to speak with this woman? He just got married! You love him and are very devoted to him- What could he possibly feel he needs that he isn't already getting? That's not you- it's him.

Well you definitely have to talk to him or it's just going to eat away at you.

I don't really understand the whole snooping thing though. FH and I use each others phones all the time and never worry about the other seeing anything they shouldn't bc we have NOTHING to hide. If you want this to work, my best advise would be counseling. Good luck