Cheating!!!

He's hiding it from you because that's completely unrealistic.

So you don't allow your now HUSBAND to have friends of the opposite sex? For me, that's a no no. His life doesn't end just because you guys are married. Now as far as the trust issues, if you couldn't look past those and not feel the need to go through his shit, perhaps that's a deeper issue than just "mistakes happen." But in all honesty, I still agree with PP, counseling sounds great at this point.

Everything PP have said and I'm going to add not to blame shit on how you were raised. You should both be able to have friends of the opposite sex and making that against your "rules" is just going to make him have female friends behind your back. I never buy the "how I was raised" bullshit. I'm nothing like the negative side of the people who raised me bc I'm my own person with my own brain with the capability of thinking for myself.

If you're still thinking he's cheating or talking to other females and it gets to you so much that you have to snoop...before couples counseling I would get some for myself. Is he showing the signs of cheating or your sub conscious is just making you snoop because you're still hurt from the past cheating. Get some counseling for yourself before you lose him. Sounds like you love him you're just afraid

@San agreed. My FH has full access to all of my accounts and same for me with his accounts. However, I don't get mad with him being friends with single woman. He's a cop so there's numerous single fellow officers who are single woman.

You can't tell him who he can and cannot be friends with. That's why he's hiding it.

I am a little bit confused on why you are upset. What were the contents of the message? Was it flirty messages or just how are you messages? That makes a huge difference.

What was the conversation?

People who use the word females and aren't talking about animals chaps my ass. SorryNotSorry

We are women. or girls.

Females is so derogatory.

I'm so sorry, but why in the hell are you not just TALKING TO YOUR HUSBAND? Snooping isn't good, cheating is worse, being insecure isn't healthy for the relationship, and not being trusted won't make him feel good. It's a crappy situation but why are you more comfortable spilling all your business to random women online than to the person you've decided to share your life with?

This is the man you've chosen to have and to hold, for better and for worse and I would assume he is your best friend as well.... This is not high school, we shouldn't be giving you advice on how to talk to a boy. You need to talk to your husband.

Oh good god really

I could understand not wanting him to be talking with a former flame or an instagram lingerie model who he doesn't know IRL, but you can't make everyone of the opposite sex off limits. What about work or family or other parents in your kid's classes once they go to school? Our world isn't segregated by gender anymore, and your husband is inevitably going to be interacting with plenty of other women. You'll both need to reset your expectations for friends of the opposite sex.

Also, I don't think talking with her on linkedin or fb messenger is hiding anything. I talk with my best guy friend on fb messenger every day and I have never and would never cheat with him. But if you feel uncomfortable with having never met this friend, you should set up a hang out for all three of you. I was a little intimidated by my FH hanging out with one of his super hot exes early on, but now we've hung out in groups a few times and it doesn't bother me at all. Could help you too.

And on another note, I agree with @San. FH and I don't really care about using the other person's phone... except for now because I have pictures of my dress on it, but I think that's an ok exception.

Did he actually reply to her or are you upset because she contacted him in the first place? I don't see how not having friends of the opposite sex is possible since that's super odd to me. Then again, we seem to disagree on some fundamentals here. I don't think cheating on someone is a mistake, it's a decision so I wouldn't have forgiven or gotten married to a person that made that decision.

Back story when he cheated it was because of one of his girl "friends" they started messaging on fb then things out of control and he cheated she has tired to get in contact with him several times on Fb since. That's why I snooped to see if she said anything when some of our friends shared our post.

So you told him once upon a time he couldn't talk to another girl for no real reason except you don't want him to/think it's inappropriate except there was no real cause for worry. And now you don't know why he would hide it from you? Probably because you would flip out even though there is no reason to.

Why do girls always make it the other girl's fault? It's HIS! It's on him! And I am a firm believer that cheating is not a mistake, it's a choice that was made, and it (almost never) only happens once.

At the end of the day, I personally don't believe you should ever commit to a lifetime with someone that you can't trust. You're not just boyfriend and girlfriend anymore... you're married. A lifetime of a commitment. If I couldn't trust my FH, you can bet your ass I wouldn't have read vows to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm just saying...

Couples counseling.

@op instead of snooping to see if the girl he cheated with messaged him, you should have asked him. You need to learn to communicate with him because clearly you can't. Gonna echo the suggestion of couples counseling.

And female friends are going to happen for him, and male friends for you. You aren't the same person as your husband and he isn't you and sometimes you'll like things he won't, and vice versa. That means you can have friends that he might not really be friends with, or the other way around. You have to learn to trust him. That's what marriage is about. Trust, respect, devotion.

This has nothing to do with other girls. This 100% has to do with your husband and his (based on your story) inappropriate actions.

I'm sorry this has to do with the fact that your husband has no boundaries and enables and entertains these women to continue to contact him.

I really dislike speaking ill of someone's husband but this is a serious fucking problem- and obviously hasn't resolved itself.