Catholic Wedding Frustrations!

I will say pre Cana and the FOCCUS questionnaire were cruel and unusual lol

I grew up Catholic so I can only imagine what they're putting you through.

This is a bonus of marrying someone who is not Catholic. My friend is going through this right now and it is crazy. She is so much more stressed out because of it. And her fiancé is deployed so it makes it even more difficult because she has to get stuff from his family. It's crazy.

I guess my Priest is very chill in all of this. The questionnaire didn't bother us, we have Pre-Cana this weekend. FH is non-denominational and they don't require anything from him which when we were researching getting married in my Church it said that they would need something saying he was baptized. Since I'm getting married in the same church I received my sacraments there really isn't any hunting down of paperwork. I know after Pre-Cana we have to meet with the Priest like 2 more times but thats it.

I was and they had sooo many requerments and we had to wait sooo long, i gave up... However our church after your marry has set dates where couple can get a their blessing... So ill do that after..

I didn't have to do the FOCCUS (at least not yet.) and the only other church I had to contact was the church I was baptized in and they sent my baptismal certificate over that same week.

I didn't think there were that many issues other than choosing the readings, but maybe I haven't run into them yet? We had our precana already and our parish had one you did in a day after church one Sunday. It was about 6 hours long but worth it to get done in a day.

I had no idea what I was getting into until we talked to the Father. I did not grow up Catholic. A woman called me a few nights ago to talk about pre couple counseling with an already married couple. I was so confused when she called

@VJ our Pre-Cana is also done in one day and I am so glad!

@accio- right? It was such a relief to get it over with.

OK so it's not just me! Thank you ladies!

FH is not Catholic and was baptized Baptist in a tiny church. He claimed they have zero records of any baptisms, which as a Catholic, I couldn't believe. I reached out to them myself about it and never heard back. Our priest said we'd need to get a notarized letter from people stating they witnessed the baptism. Well, that was 20 years ago and he isn't in touch with those people anymore.

We are getting married out of state and are able to do Pre Cana where we live, but have to fly up to MD before the end of the year (and not around the holidays, we were told) to meet with the priest so he can interview us individually and then together as a couple to discuss our FOCCUS answers. And my local church has to give written permission to the Baltimore archdiocese allowing us to be married, and we have to be granted permission for a priest from the church I grew up in to perform the ceremony. The church where we'll be married does not have a priest available to do it that day.

There's more but I don't even feel like going into it. Non-Catholics, cherish the lack of red tape!!

@Laura my priest said that most churches that aren't Catholic don't keep written documentation of baptisms so he isn't requiring FH to get anything. I guess it just depends on the diocese.

Yep I completely understand. FH grew up Christian so he had to provide documentation that he had been baptized and his childhood church never kept those records but luckily our church let his parents write a statement that he had been baptized and they witnessed it. I also have to sign a form stating that I understand I'm marrying someone who is not catholic.

Our process hasn't been horrible but it has been a lot to do & prepare.

We took the FOCCUS test

Went over results with priest

Had an intro course to natural family planning

Has a weekend retreat for marriage counseling/prep

We now need to meet with church coordinator & priest to turn in all certificates and start picking out readings a such.

YES. My FH grew up in Florida, I grew up in Nebraska, we're doing our marriage prep in Boston and getting married at my home church. We were both confirmed at different churches than we were baptized at. Neither my church nor my FH's church properly recorded our sacraments, but luckily, mine had confirmation correctly. FH's didn't, so he had to jump through some more hoops to prove he was confirmed. Then there was the paperwork for the "inter-diocese" marriage ceremony. And coordinating with 3 different priests: the one doing our prep here, the one marrying us, and the one from the church where we're getting married.

Pre-cana in the Archdiocese of Boston is easier to schedule and takes less time to complete than in my home diocese, but coordinating with all of the parishes alone is a huge hassle!

ETA: Oh, and the church where we're getting married has these really power-hungry music ministry people who want to over-regulate everything and impose these unreasonable deadlines and everything just because they can. The church is as chill as Catholic churches come for the ceremony itself, but the music ministry is insane on their regulations.)

FOCCUS was no problem at all for us and we have Pre-Canna this weekend. The only documents we've had to track down was FH's baptismal certificate (he was not originally Catholic, but was baptised in the protestant church I believe). All my stuff was in our churches records since its my home parish. The only frustrations we've had were his mom not wanting to comply with church rules (she is not Catholic and pretty much states all the stereotypes to me all the time, acting like she knows more about my faith than I do. It gets kind of upsetting).

But do not fret, OP! I know things can get frustrating with all the crazy extra stuff many Catholic Dioceses require, but it will be just fine! You'll get through it all, just breathe Its all going to be just fine and the end result will be beautiful

@Loganna I am dreading emailing the music coordinator! We want to have a string quartet (vendor) and I can only imagine what I'll need to do to make this happen.

Oh, they also don't like a lot of flowers. My mom and I stopped in the church last weekend when I went to MD for planning, and the altar had two arrangements on it, and then two arrangements in front of the podiums (I don't know if that's what they're actually called, lol). The priest told us they had to give permission for the 2 podium arrangements (which were beautiful and not over the top at all) because the church really doesn't like anything unless it's on the altar. What?!

So I'm an Episcopalian and we're getting married in the Episcopal church, which in America is generally very chill and liberal and tolerant (I come from the diocese which elected the first ever openly gay bishop).

However, there is one hell of a punitive system if you are getting remarried after a divorce (for any reason). Given the circumstances of my divorce (walked in on my then husband having sex with one of my co-workers in our bed, eventually found out about his frequent activity on Craigslist Casual Encounters, etc), I thought it wouldn't be much of an issue, particularly as we didnt have kids. But FH and I were required to do 10 hour-long sessions with our vicar, some individual sessions, a 150-question standardized test thing, AND we EACH had to write letters to the Bishop asking him for permission to marry, even though FH has never been married before.

Honestly, even though the vicar said that our ordeal has really opened his eyes to how outdated and ill-suited the process is, it has really disillusioned me with my organized faith. Thankfully the church is not requiring any money or fees for it, or to me it would feel a bit like selling indulgences!

It was humiliating in a lot of ways too. For example, one of the 150 multiple choice questions was "how much blame do you bear for letting your previous marriage die? A) 100% b) 90% c) 80% d)70%. I kid you not. I handwrote in "0%. See: reason for divorce"

@acciowedding, does your priest travel?

To above posters who had to do NFP stuff with Catholic churches, I must ask: does it bother you that they are distributing scientifically inaccurate information? I read the pamphlet the Denver diocese gave my FSIL and I was horrified at the "statistics" they cited.

My cousin married a Catholic, she said it was ridiculous the questions they asked.I hope I don't half to go though this.