Catholic Wedding - do or not do?

@OGLaura Idk if I believe you are Catholic (just kidding, I do). But honestly, I was raised Roman Catholic my entire life. I've attended Catholic school my whole life (grade school, high school, college, and grad school) and have never heard of or experienced any of the things you've just mentioned.

FH and I are getting married in a Roman Catholic Church because, while we may not be practicing currently as we should, we both feel strongly about our faith and it's importance in our marriage and our future together. If you're Catholic, then you know that marriage in the Church is a sacrament. If you choose to get married outside of the church (which plenty of people do!) make sure you're aware of any future difficulties you might experience with children getting baptized, etc.

No, a Catholic church and Roman Catholic church are not two totally different things. What we refer to as the "Catholic church" - headed by the Pope and all that - encompasses a lot of groups; however, in the Western world that's mostly "Roman" Catholic. In pockets around the country and in more Eastern countries, there's Ukranian Catholic, Lebanese Catholic, etc. They're all still part of the universal Catholic church but their liturgy is different. The American Catholic church that Rebecca mentioned is not part of these, though.

OP is almost certainly Roman Catholic. But the restrictions that people name - dress code, length of time attending, etc. - are usually set by an individual church. And I'm sorry to people who have had a hard time scheduling with their individual church - that stinks.

Also, liturgies aren't 2 hours these days. Mine will be long, because I actually am doing that old-school style Latin Mass. A lot of people now don't even have Mass as part of their wedding. Many go with the option of doing the Rite of Marriage only, which is basically readings plus vows and takes maybe 30 minutes.

Like Lori mentioned, though, this is a much bigger question than just where to have a ceremony. Catholics view getting married in the church as symbolic of getting married as a part of the Catholic community, instead of outside of it.

OriginalLaura has it right. They have changed the dress restrictions(which do vary) but typically no strapless or backless. Also some require blushers.

I was raised Catholic but not practicing, and Dh is Christian. My uncle is a Catholic priest, so we got special permission from both the original dioceses that my uncle is part of AND where we wanted the wedding. We had the wedding at a nondenominational historic church and got to pick and choose what we wanted to do. We still had to do prewedding classes(6 Fridays), had 3 people meet with my uncle to confirm information about husband and I (not married before and such), as well as taking a pretest about marriage. It was time consuming/stressful and I don't feel like it was worth it unless it means your uncle can marry you.

Honestly when I found out everything required, my now husband and I both decided it wasn't worth it to us. It took me a week of praying to know in my heart of hearts I would regret not having my uncle say our wedding. So it was worth it to us for my uncle, but no other reason. Honestly I think having someone you can relate to as a priest or minister is much more important. Unless of course, you were devoted Catholics, but then this wouldn't have even crossed your mind.

Just to clarify, if you aren't onboard with receiving the Sacrament of Marriage, don't want to raise your kids Catholic, and don't really consider yourself Catholic, PLEASE do not get married in the Catholic church. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, as longs are you are legally married, all of our marriages are equal but marriage is considered sacred in the Church and if that's not your cup of tea, you really don't have to get married there.

That being said, if it is, some churches are more restrictive than others. Our ceremony was 30-45 minutes tops, we picked all of our readings, prayers, and music and we did counseling with our priest so we were incredibly comfortable with him. I would definitely encourage finding a church that best suits you and the way you are most comfortable practicing your faith. Catholic churches, while they have the same governing body technically, can be incredibly subjective. There's nothing wrong with parish shopping, just find a place you're comfortable attending services at and sit down and talk with the priest.

We originally had the date reserved at our Roman Catholic Church we attend every Sunday. We have had both of our girls (ages 2 and 7 months) baptized there without issue. We love our church and our Priests and Deacons. They had way too many rules and it was becoming too cookie cutter and nothing even close to what we wanted as a couple. So we politely canceled the date there and we will be having a Catholic Ceremony at our reception venue.

My FH and I are also getting married in a Roman Catholic Church. I have been a parishioner at this particular church my whole life. I requested permission to have a priest from a different Roman Catholic Church do our ceremony as he used to be at our church and I don't connect with any of the current priests.

I was born and raised Catholic, DH is not. We originally were going to get married in a Catholic church and was given approval to set our date and then the priest contacted me 2 months later to say DH had to get an annulment because he was previously divorced. After a lot of soul searching I found an Episcopal church. They have the same mass but have a lot less restrictions. We now attend this church as our church home and the priest made our ceremony so personal to us. It was beautiful. So in essence we had the Catholic mass I wanted but in an Episcopal more lenient church. Pray about it and decide what is really important to you.

Can you do the legal ceremony the way you want it, and then later get your marriage convalidated?

@jennifer - that's what we realized - none of it was "us". It was easier to do it our way!

@sarah - check out your local dioceses's website. There you'll find what is required in your area in a Catholic ceremony. Mine was no backless dress and only a few readings.

Thanks to everyone for the replies. It is important to me to have our marriage recognized by the church and there is something that feels very special and real about getting married in the church. Perhaps I will consider a different church. Or, like others have said, do the church ceremony the day before. Does anyone know if you can do a church ceremony say a year later? Thought maybe for our 1 year anniversary. But not sure if that's allowed. Thank you all! Appreciate the replies and support. I've seen both types of ceremonies and they are all beautiful! Regardless of faith, style, religion, etc.

Vow renewals are encouraged in the Catholic church!

No, it's extremely discouraged to get married outside the Church and then try to do something a year later. They'll ask why you didn't get married in the Catholic church to begin with if your desire was to have a Catholic wedding. Macy - convalidation is usually only done when neither party was Catholic at the time of the marriage, such as when they become Catholic after the wedding.

Everything Jeanne said was on point.

Sorry that the one poster does t believe we are Roman Catholic lol. Your parents had those restrictive rules? I'm going to assume they were married in the 70's or 80's. Things have changed. Every Catholic wedding move been to, brides had no blisters, all had strapless dresses, and stood.

I did a Catholic wedding outside of mass so it was only about a half hour. A few PPs have mentioned that getting married in the Catholic Church is nothing like picking a venue. The Church teaches that you must get married in the Church to fulfill the Sacrament of Matrimony. The marriage ceremony isnt about you, its about God so having a super personal wedding isnt really necessary. So if thats important to you than thats really your only option. You dont have to do the full long mass. Im glad I didnt because many of our family and friends werent Catholic so it wouldve been very confusing for them. If you are having trouble connecting and worried about personalizing it why not make an appointment with your priest or deacon and just talk with him and get to know eachother. Any priest would be happy to do that. Our wedding was beautiful, traditional, and it had a touch of personalization. We got to know the deacon a little and also had one of our buggest spiritual influences (DH's youth pastor) share the homily so that added more personalization. Good luck and PM me if you have questions!

I think the part I'm having trouble with is they people can't sit through a 2 hour mass. Are our attention spans really that short?

Sarah, God is everywhere not only in the catholic church. You can have beautiful ceremony everywhere and God will be with you. Church is not a building it's God living in people hearts. The priest in catholic churches are to restrict and are not always what God want for us people. Listen to your heart and do what's right for you. I think God send us messages what to do and we should listen. I was raised catholic to now I feel spiritual and don't need church to talk to God. I want God to be present at our wedding to, and I believe He will bless us no matter where we going to get married. If you still want to do it you can have your ceremony 1 year after. You will have time to think about it. I did my first marriage in church and now I regret it..

FH and I had a Catholic ceremony- but did not have the full mass. I have received so many complements from my family for not doing the full mass. We chose to do the Catholic ceremony because it is important to my grandmother (and she turned her wedding dress into a baptismal gown that I want my children to wear- its gorgeous!).

Growing up Catholic- I did always picture walking down my church's aisle... I don't know if I would have missed this if I had chosen to get married at our venue- but I personally like the drama of the long church aisle.

I am also not creative- so writing my own vows had no appeal to me- and the personal touches we wanted to include were our Irish heritage- and we were able to do so. If having a personalized wedding is important to you than I would skip the church and have a religious ceremony at a different location.

I am Catholic, FH is not. We are getting married in a Catholic church. The Pastor who is marrying is is wonderful, my family has attended the church for many years and we are fairly close to him. We weren't given any restrictions as far as dress code. We wont be doing a full mass since FH & his family are not Catholic, so our ceremony will be between 30-40 minutes. We were given a very big book filled with readings, prayers and songs to pick from but our Pastor also told us that if there were any that we wanted that were not included to let him know and he would be happy to make it happen. He also suggested that the Pastor from FH's family church (they are Pentecostal) should participate in the ceremony and he would split blessings with her and find other ways to include them.

The only restriction that we were given, was that our photographer & videographers cannot go on the alter, which to me makes perfect sense, that is a sacred place and I totally understand, we will adjust pictures accordingly.

Its like some PP said, every church and Head Priest/Pastor runs their parish differently and according to how they see fit for their parishioners. Maybe you just need to find a church & preist that is the right fit for you & your FH

Thank you all for your posts. We are getting married next October and have just started the researching process. This has opened my eyes and given us discussion topics to determine what we want. Thank you again.

A nonCatholic wedding (even one by an "American Catholic" priest) is not going to be accepted by the Catholic church--meaning you'd still be considered "living in sin" according to the church. So the question really is, is it important to you what your church thinks? If it is, it's worth sacrificing your dream wedding to have one that will be accepted by a church that is important to you for the rest of your life. If it is not, a Catholic wedding will be a lot more restrictive than a nonCatholic one.