Cash Bar vs. Open Bar

I knew it was going to get ugly! So far, we were having a nice discussion about it and no judgment calls were made. I hate it when brides say they don't want someone getting drunk on their dime, or when they say they don't want to support someone's bad habits. Like Labake said if you can't afford it, just admit it, don't judge your guests. If it's for religious reasons, just say so, don't judge. Most guests will come with a gift and incur quite an expense to get to your wedding, so they are hardly getting drunk at your expense. Also, not everyone gets drunk when they drink.

I really hoped this could be a nice conversation.

In addition to what Carole said,

You should absolutely do what you can afford. If you can't afford to throw a party for your wedding, then just don't. But don't blame it on the guests. As somebody who traveled all around the world for my friends' weddings, I would find it incredibly offensive if somebody asked for those $5 to have one drink. Right after I spent $$$$ to celebrate with them.

Also, a wedding should be a celebration of your marriage. If your friends and family are people who just go to weddings to "get drunk on somebody else's dime and make fools of themselves", then you have a MUCH larger problem.

Ugh, Carole. Eye. TO. EYE.

Presumably you like these people better than you like most other people and that's why you have invited them to your wedding. Correct? Why assume that if they see free booze they're going to go apeshxt and lose all self control? I regularly attend weddings with open bars. I have never once stuck my head in a trough of whiskey and "made a fool." I think it's exactly this puritanical attitude towards alcohol that causes people in our country to grow up with an unhealthy relationship to it.

If you don't drink, good for you. I drink on a regular basis without getting drunk. I'm not going to judge an obese guest who enjoys a slice of cake and be like, "Tsk tsk, I don't enjoy being around unhealthy fat people so they can pay for their $5 slice of cake, I'm not supporting their bad habit mmmkay?" And BTW our cost per slice of cake is higher than our cost per drink.

It's nothing personal against any poster. That reasoning just makes me bonkers.

Mrs. S- I first read your comment and was taken back by the "If you can't afford to throw a party for your wedding, then just don't."

I think many WW brides are planning on tight budgets. If they chose not to offer an open bar (for whatever reason) doesn't mean they can't throw a party. I don't associate party with drinking. I may have read your statement wrong but it sounded as if a bride who couldn't afford certain things shouldn't have a wedding at all.

Mrs Carole- On WW there are certain topic we shouldn't discuss... sex, politics, and open bar v. cash bar.

Amen! It's the reasoning that makes me bonkers too.

John 2: 1-11. I don't see any fear of drunks!

Carole the same could be said for those pro open bar stating those who are not for it are rude, selfish, tacky and such.

People are entitled to their own reasons for not wanting an open bar or limited bar.

If people are aware of guests who may over indulge and cause problems then I don't see why limiting alcohol is "rude." I know plenty of people who are social drinkers that as soon as you say open bar their normal drinking etiquette goes right out the window, to insuate there are much bigger problems is offensive. I think everyone knows people who are like this. I was at a wedding last year that someone I had seen plenty of times socially was always cordial and proper, at the open bar wedding he was rolling around on the dance floor. I'm sorry I don't want that at my wedding.

I'm not "blaming" guests behavior on my choice to not have an open bar it's partly OUR decision to now want the possibilty of people and such behavior, for our religious guests and that we don't drink.

Audra....Agreed. That is why I was so happy that we WERE having a nice conversation about it.

Good lord. let people make their own decisions about what kind of bar they're having and let their reasons be their own. We dont rudely bash people bc their dress looks awful or when they have hideous decorations, instead we offer polite, constructive critiques.

open bar versus cash bar at someone else's wedding is really none of your business bc guess what? You wont be attending.

I didn't think anything was getting "ugly."

I just don't believe in accusatory statements that people use their guests behavior as a scapegoat. It's no different in why I choose to avoid bars on St. Patty's Day. My FH and I choose to not want to be around people who don't know when to say when and sometimes people overindulge when "celebrating."

My reasons are my own, not using the potential behavior of others as my sole reason but it is one of several reasons why we are not keen on the idea.

I think insinuating anyone is tacky or cheap or even exhibiting improper etiquette is what is tacky.

As each and everyone's OWN day I don't think anyone should judge period.

Aimee....Noone who responded said that at all! Some said they THOUGHT it was tacky or considered bad manners in THEIR CIRCLE. I haven't read: You are tacky for not having a bar!

While I don't see the need for an open bar sometimes the reasoning on BOTH sides drives me crazy.

When I first joined WW I learned a simple phrase, "Ceremony for the couple, Reception for the wedding guests".

When I talk to FH, his family, my family, the WP about what things I should do I am appalled how stuck in time my area is on weddings. I feel like I'm speaking a foreign language when talking to my family about simple things such as Candy Buffet or Signature Cocktail. So when I asked them open bar v. cash bar I was shocked by their answers. Everyone in my guest list I talked to said to do a cash bar.

EVEN MY WEDDING COORDINATOR AT THE VENUE. Why? It's not normal for our area to have a fully open bar.

Good luck to OP. It's hard for WW girls to talk about this subject because their budgets, their choices, their weddings, and their morals are judged so harshly that it turns into an argument.

Just remember OP: "Ceremony for the couple, Reception for the wedding guests".

I think as some have said people could go back and forth on this for days.

I say do what works for you and hope those there are happy to celebrate your special day, booze, no booze or limited booze.

I didn't say anyone stated "I" was tacky as I do not take the opinions of others I do not know to heart. Although I do appreciate all the WW feedback.

I think stating anyone is tacky on their wedding day is just wrong within your circle or not. As Blair said we wouldn't say anything negative about someone's dress, etc.

We are having unlimited wine, beer, pop & water. Hard liquor options will be a cash bar. I put this info on our wedding website so that people will know ahead of time. I would love to pay for it all but it's not in our budget and I felt like we are providing them plenty of alcholic and non-alcoholic choices that are paid for.

Cash is just the norm here. I have never been to a wedding with an open bar, nor did any of the locations we looked at for the reception even mention pricing for and open bar as it just is seemingly not done around here.

Even if I was having people over to my house to drink, I may provide some alcohol, but if they wanted to go full out, or to drink something specific, they'd byob. Not that I'm saying people should byob to my wedding... although I did have a friend who did that, and it was no big deal... it depends on the formality of the event, what the people who are attending are like, and what is perceived as normal in your area.

I don't particularly like being called tacky for doing something that is perfectly normal and acceptable/expected in my area.

Ours is open. Cash bars at wedding are pretty much unheard of in my area. We didn't go see one venue that gave us the option to not have open bar, all had it included within the package.

I never think it is right to call anyone tacky. I have always offered an answer according to what is acceptable in my circle as an explanation why we have open bars. Hell, in my circle serving well drinks is frowned upon. I have never said my way is the only way. I guess that is why it upsets me when I read brides saying they don't want someone getting drunk on their dime. Not everyone who drinks gets drunk. Saying that is just as bad as saying someone is tacky. Both are rude.

Just to add to what I said, I know that throwing a wedding is nothing like throwing a dinner party, and that doesn't really impact my opinion on having an open bar, I'm just explaining what people in this neck of the woods are like. We are laid back, go with the flow, pay for our own booze kind of people.

Weddings are probably a lot cheaper here all around then other places in North America, and people expect less from others, if that makes sense?

Judith I love your stripes.

I don't have people getting drunk on my dime, I just don't want anyone rolling around on my dance floor. Hahaha.

Although I am sure some may do that sober.