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Just Said Yes December 2019

Canceling Help!

McKenna, on November 29, 2019 at 2:47 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 3 20
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My fiancé lost his job on Nov. 27. Our wedding ceremony is Dec. 12 and our reception Dec. 14. We’ve decided to put off getting married until he has found another job because we are already at risk of losing our apartment. However everything for the reception is paid for and we’re unable to get any of the money back since it’s less than 2 weeks away now. We planned on telling our guests at the reception that we are putting the actual marriage off. The ceremony was just going to be a private courthouse one with just our parents. Is it wrong for us to keep the reception if we don’t have the ceremony? The reason we’re putting it off is because we won’t have a place to live when we’re married if we loose the apartment (I can go back to my parents and he to his only if we aren’t married).


Latest activity by Kari, on December 17, 2019 at 11:27 PM
  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    Why can’t you move back into one of your parents homes as a married couple?
    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Rockstar September 2020
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    Or why wouldn’t you be able to move in to your respective parents’ after you’re married? While not ideal, there have been quite a few couples who have had to do this (my coworker lived 2 hours from her husband for the first 2 years of their marriage due to work location differences).
    • Reply
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
    • Flag
    I'm confused. The reception is the expensive part. How would cancelling a private ceremony help the situation?
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    If I understand you paid for the reception yes? In full? If it is paid for then why cancel? Also, a courthouse ceremony is not expensive (marriage licenses are not) so why not still have it since it is around the corner? I would also ask parents to help with the cost of the ceremony and maybe pay them back? I am sure they would not want you to cancel when it is less than one month away.

    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag

    I am not sure I understand fully but the reception is typically the most expensive part of a wedding. If you were doing a courthouse ceremony anyway which is free, why not just do the ceremony at the reception? You can have a family member get ordained online in like 5 minutes and they can preform the ceremony. As far as living arrangements, I agree with others that while it isn't ideal, I would move back into one of your parents houses until you can get back on your feet. Good luck and I am sorry you are going through this.

    • Reply
  • Anna
    Super August 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag

    Ok so what I'm understanding is this:

    Everything is paid for. You still want to marry him. You still want to have the event. The only reason you are considering cancelling (the ceremony) is because your mom/dad won't let you move back home if you are married. You can only move back home if unwed- correct?

    As a guest, I would be extremely confused about going to a "wedding" where the people didn't even get married. It's just strange. People would be giving you money (probably) to start your lives together at the wedding- why don't you use some of the gift money to get a place?

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I would just continue with the reception. My friends had a courthouse ceremony and then months later did a reception only to celebrate with friends and family. At this point since it's all paid for, I'd just go with it.
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    So wait... the reason you’re not getting married is so that you can separately live with each of your parents? 🤔 Given that your reception is only a few weeks away (and completely paid for), I don’t see why you wouldn’t just do the courthouse ceremony and then livd with one of your parents as a married couple. The two of you can save money and get your own place in a few months. But to postpone the ceremony while moving forward with the reception makes no sense.
    • Reply
  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
    • Flag
    You can live separately as a married couple if that’s your only option, but honestly it seems silly to cancel the wedding at this point. Life happens and sometimes we’re thrown curveballs that don’t agree with our plans. You’ve basically already paid for everything. I would go through with the ceremony if I were you.
    • Reply
  • Victoria
    Dedicated November 2019
    Victoria ·
    • Flag
    I’d continue with your wedding as planned. You’re so close to the best day of your life and it sounds like you’ve paid for everything at this point. And as a newlywed this November, it was the BEST day of my life, so I’m optimistic yours will be too!

    We don’t get married for the gifts but most people will give you monetary gifts as wedding presents. You may receive enough able to float you through the tough financial time or until he finds a new job. If not, you can explore the less ideal options such as living separately or filing for unemployment. I’ve lost my job twice over the years and both times it’s worked out. But I get it, it’s hard not to worry or go into panic mode.
    Best of luck! If you opt to continue with the wedding in the coming weeks, enjoy it and congratulations!
    • Reply
  • Catherine
    May 2021
    Catherine ·
    • Flag

    Keep looking for a job and keep the wedding as planned. As most have pointed out, the expensive part is paid for.

    While counting on gifts is not the right thing to do, you may get a few money gifts that can help hold you over until that job has been found.

    Good luck

    • Reply
  • Btbride
    Super August 2019
    Btbride ·
    • Flag
    If your reception is already paid for then how is the wedding causing you to be at financial risk of losing your home? It doesn’t make sense.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree, if the reception is paid for, what is the financial burden?

    • Reply
  • Shaina
    Expert October 2020
    Shaina ·
    • Flag

    Change your plans to courthouse wedding, keep the reception, move into your parents one or both(separate) until you guys are back on your feet again Smiley smile not ideal but it will be worth it.

    • Reply
  • T
    Devoted May 2010
    Theresa ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    They were already planning on having a courthouse wedding. That's why everyone is confused about cancelling it but still having the reception.

    • Reply
  • Mson
    Savvy February 2020
    Mson ·
    • Flag
    Not sure what you decided but would pray, continue the course and figure out the living situation. Not having an apartment/living space is modifiable. Hopeful that it all works out!!!! God bless you both!
    • Reply
  • FutureMrs.C
    Dedicated August 2020
    FutureMrs.C ·
    • Flag

    Honestly....I don't think I would be upfront about it/announce it. It sounds like the ceremony is going to be very private anyway, so...who says they need to know that you aren't technically legally married? They're getting fed, there should be no complaint! If you were calling off the wedding entirely and had no intention of getting married, then that might be worth mentioning lol.

    Just my two cents!! There is no "right" answer - you guys are celebrating the two of you, and you should be allowed to celebrate it however you want to! I am wishing you the best, and am hoping that the job stuff works out soon. Congratulations on your future nuptials, whenever you are able to have them!

    • Reply
  • Future Mrs. B
    Devoted August 2020
    Future Mrs. B ·
    • Flag

    I would just go through with the ceremony since the reception is the most expensive part and is paid off. Good luck!

    • Reply
  • Traci
    Devoted October 2021
    Traci ·
    • Flag

    I agree with everyone else. My sister lost her apartment and they are married so they moved back to their parents. However I understand your reasoning to hold off a wedding because of loss of employment. (Which I am truly sorry this happened.)

    I feel you should go on with the wedding since you can't get your money back too. Maybe the guests can give money instead of gifts so you can save for an apartment too? DO NOT CANCEL THE WEDDING!!!!!!!!


    • Reply
  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    So basically the only reason you are considering not getting married is because your parents won't let you move back home unless you are unmarried? That is, neither one of your parents will let you live with them as a married couple and neither one of your parents will let their own child live with them, without the spouse, if they are married. And money is only an issue because you might lose your apartment, but the reception is already paid for and non-refundable, and you were planning on having an inexpensive courthouse wedding anyway.

    I'd say come up with a plan where you'll each have a place to live (whether separately or together) if you lose your apartment. If that plan allows you to be married, then get married at the courthouse as inexpensively as possible (marriage license and any officiant needed). It doesn't make sense to cancel the reception if it's paid for, but it also doesn't make sense to have a reception without a wedding. If you have to postpone the wedding, call your reception an engagement party or something else instead.

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