Can I really get married without anyone knowing?

@Rev: I apologize for making a broad statement; I understand discrimination was not the sole purpose, but it certainly was, and still is, a discriminatory legal document the govt has used to further take away people's freedom. Also, tax code to hell - I've done my time as a preparer, and most "married couples" (married under the Church) have done fine as legal separate individuals.

I concur with Amy V.

I also have a question for Alycia: Would it be as equally terrible if a couple had a wedding but never took steps towards legalizing their marriage (obtaining paper work?) or is it just the legal to wedding part that's so horrid?

Without paperwork it's not a wedding it's a civil union or commitment ceremony. Same sex couples are the only oes I'm ok with using wedding for because they don't have the same rights in most states but hopefully that will soon be in the past! Have the big reception months or years after you get married but dot reenact the ceremony. If you want your marriage blessed by te church do it, but you don't need an audience for it. Then go out and celebrate your marriage!

People will do what they want regardless. I'm answering questions on a public forum. Sorry I'm honest. It's a debate and were adults. Everyone's allowed their opinion and this is mine. These scenarios seem gift grabby and very attention seeking to me. You don't. Ok, the end

I can't possibly see how you would think the scenarios I described were gift grabby (if you were referring to mine). The pregnant courthouse wedding was private. They only got legally married like two months before their planned and paid for wedding. The foreign weddings were the only ones celebrated and the JOP was the only way to make it legal (they wanted a romantic destination wedding and could afford it). And MIL probably won't get many gifts if any at all because I don't think she's even planning a reception, just two *very* small ceremonies. Besides, gifts aren't a requirement at any wedding anyway. Some people want the chance to bring their two families together and celebrate their love with friends and family. Others want to exchange their personal vows. That doesn't mean they expect gifts or plan their weddings "just to play dress up." You seem to have a very negative outlook on love, brides, and weddings.

Sorry OP, I'm done clogging your inbox!

If you want to talk about gift grabby, anyone who makes a registry is basically asking for gifts then. If you can pay for a wedding, then you can pay for all the other crap that come along with being married and having a life of your own. Oh but wait!! No one ever considered that!!!! Just like no one is saying that they "wedding" is a do over.

It has been our experience that it is fairly common in military situations. No need to hide it at your celebration in July. It can be a renewal and "Celebration of the Marriage of." People really will understand, I think, and will be sympathetic to the fact that your wedding at the courthouse was not your dream day. These days most of us have to be practical too!

Pretending that you are opposed to "pretty princess days" because you support gay rights is ridiculous. Someone getting married legally & having a social wedding at a later date in no way effects gay marriage. it's not like government officials are like "Well Susie thought the paperwork was a hassle, let's save gay citizens the trouble." They aren't related, stop making silly assumptions. Why is it not "gift grabby" to have a reception on the day of your legal wedding but it is to have a reception later... It's not like you are getting gifts twice.

Also we don't use the judgmental term "pretty princess day" around here, that's knot-speak.

By the way, sorry OP, you made your decision 50 comments ago.

I still agree with Alycia. Any lurkers out there *should* see both sides of the debate. I got married in the court house previously [edit to add: in a previous marriage not the current one]. We went a few days later to visit my then-H's family, and someone there asked me to put on a wedding dress and do the whole wedding scene so they could witness it. I was young but I remember thinking "like, in a play?" We politely declined that as we were already married, and our wedding date was past.

I never once considered putting on a wedding dress when I was still married. It's ridiculous. With all due respect, Rev. Fuller, calling it a "social wedding" is like (as my H just said) putting lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig. (Admittedly not the best analogy ever but it was the first one that came to mind).

I originally came here to post the below picture, since this thread's still going, but I couldn't resist posting again either.

BE NICE! Seriously, is it that freaking hard to be nice???? Doesn't matter if you agree with other people's opinions.....they have just as much right to their opinion as you have to yours!

OP...I agree with it being just fine BUT I wouldn't try to deceive anyone either. It happens quite often with military couples and I have never heard anyone in attendance complain about it =)

Wonder what people would think if we all went around saying you shouldn't be allowed a wedding if your first marriage failed???? I mean hey, you had your go at it and you only get one chance right? LOL Welcome to America.....land of the free, home of the brave =)

PS.....This is my second marriage and I had a wedding BOTH times...YIKES!

@ Rev. Ann.....I'm on your side =) You have been nice and repectful in voicing your opinion....KERFUFFLE is my new favorite word!!!!

Seps pay is only paid when they are sent to a duty station you CANNOT accompany him to(Heartbreak Tour to Korea, Iraq, training, etc).

Also, I'm not trying to be mean, but unless you intend to actually put this cash into savings, it's not worth it. Also, idk how long y'all have been together, but if its been a short time, it's possible they'll suspect a contract marriage.

He will get bah based in pay, and sustenance pay. That's it. The ladies I run with, we don't agree with these marriages, bc they dot always work out like people hope. It's hard to explain. You may be able to file for a confidential license(I know California still does them), but you'd be hard pressed to find an officiant who's willing to help you lie to your family during a ceremony.

ETA-OMG did this thread really turn knot-speak?!!! Wow...how ridiculous! I'm all for whatever lifestyle you live. BUT, ill say this. DO NOT SAY ITS NOT A MARRIAGE WITHOUT THE LEGALITIES And then say you support gay marriage. Simply bc without the paperwork it's not legal then!!! You have an invalid argument. Calm down killer.