BYOB Reception

Don't do it. Cut your guest list in order to properly host and therefore provide free alcohol to your guests

No. Don't do this.

Are you worried because you think she'll think it's tacky or that she'll be upset she has to byob her own. You could always have a small amount set aside for the wedding party (her included) if the latter. If not be honest and tell her you can't afford it and she's welcome to fund it herself.

Looks like you have a year to save up...go with beer and wine at least for everyone...you can get a couple choices of each one and many places will have a great price if you buy in bulk. You don't want to ask guests to BYOB

I think you might have a better response from WW if you were having a dry wedding rather then a BYOB wedding. Recovery & not wanting alcohol being at your wedding is one thing; but this sounds like it's more of a budget issue.

Some will say you have to have beer & wine...my UO, is that beer/soda is fine.

Date twin!

I don't recommend doing this, though. You're guests should be properly hosted and shown thanks for coming to your wedding. Just go with beer and wine if you have a small budget.

Or, as PP mentioned, narrow the guest list down if you can't afford a big wedding with lots of guests, don't cut corners.

UO but I think your situations is very different than the typical questions related to alcohol on here.... With that said I think BYOB is better than dry wedding BUT I think a dry wedding is super appropriate as well. I would assume most of your guests are aware of your challenges and would be respectful of the fact that you do not want to tempt yourself by purchasing this item.

I don't think you should feel pressured by anyone. You could say to your FMIL you will pay for the photog and she can pay for the alcohol. That way it is not compromising your goals. I agree with cutting alcohol costs, if you choose to provide, by having beer and wine.

ETA: if your past was different I would advocate to properly host your guests with alcohol or cut down on your guest list.

I guess my dilemma is that my MIL has expressed opinions against a dry wedding, and I don't mind so much if people drink, I just don't feel comfortable with spending so much on alcohol when it's something I have a problem with. I'm kind of leaning towards a dry wedding at this point, just wanted to see if others had done a BYOB and had it work out okay. Also, the $2000 is what we'll have after saving for a year, which is part of why I don't want to offend my MIL (apart from the fact that I love her dearly), or my other guests. She's not much of a drinker herself, but is thinking of the other guests.

You shouldn't focus on where your money is going (ie you don't want money going towards alcohol) but remember it's going towards hosting your guests. Having a BYOB in your backyard equates to a backyard bbq, not a wedding reception. Congrats on the sobriety as I know that's a tough road every day.

Absolutely no to BYOB. Honesty, it sounds like you are just being cheap. You don't mind if people drink (so it's not being around alcohol that is an issue for you), you just don't want to pay for it. Well sorry, hosting a wedding means paying for food and beverages.

^^ it's a backyard.

Thoughts? It's rude. BYOB is a disaster waiting to happen. Have a proper bar and hire a bartender to ensure safe drinking.

' I just don't feel comfortable with spending so much on alcohol when it's something I have a problem with'

It's not for you though, it's for your guests. I am vegetarian, I have a problem with eating meat but I don't resent spending money on meat options for my guests at my wedding. It's not for me.

We're going with a dry wedding, I think. It solves my ethical/moral dilemma, the financial dilemma, and the etiquette dilemma.

I just don't want alcohol to be such a big deal for my wedding day. It's not a part of my life any more, and it has caused a lot of damage in a lot of lives of the people I love (not just mine, or damage caused by me). If my guests need to drink in order to celebrate with us, that's on them. I also don't want to worry about liability if someone gets hurt, or more importantly, worry about someone getting hurt.

It's less about the money itself. I am happy to spend money on my guests, but I don't want to prioritize alcohol in that way because of what it means to me. I think skipping it altogether is probably the best way to navigate it. We were talking about doing a nice soda bar instead with handmade syrups and lots of fun options, so that our guests will feel appreciated.

A lot of my guests are also sober, and I want to respect their sobriety as well.

Maybe do a nice champagne toast to celebrate. Doesn't have to be anything fancy. When it's all said and done, it's you and your hubby.

I'm skipping the BYOB suggestion, because that stopped being acceptable at high school parties. Even fraternities and sororities paid for the elements of their unsophisticated parties (and I didn't know they were unsophisticated when I attended -- I just knew BYOB meant that the host(s) of the party would offer nothing more than a location. Guests were on their own after that). BYOB should stay in the realm of the almost developed.

I read your original post, and I totally believe that you and FH are in recovery. Despite the fact that you mentioned this issue first, I have a suspicion that the bigger issue was covered in the bigger verbiage -- which was your budget. You openly admitted that people drinking in your presence isn't the issue, so why you even mentioned recovery mystifies me (i.e., "We are okay with people drinking at our wedding, but after doing the math...). So, let's move on. This is not a post about recovery or sobriety, is it?

Do you want the truth? Your BMs will tell you anything you want to hear...and then they'll shoot their husbands or SOs a look at the reception, and that will mean, "Let's go out to the car and have a few drinks with our friends." That's the truth. I've been to more weddings that I can count, and dry weddings, whatever the reason for them, always have an escape hatch created by attendants and guests. Sometimes, it's drinking in the parking lot, and sometimes, it's pulling out of the parking lot.

There's a wide valley between top shelf open and wine. It doesn't sound like you can't spend the money for wine -- it sounds as though you have a problem with it. Your experience with alcohol is not necessarily the experience that your guests live with. You don't have to drink at your wedding (we had top shelf open at our wedding, and didn't have a drop -- not even during the champagne toast).

You'll hear from people who won't pay for liquor at their weddings, and they'll have all kinds of taglines that will circle around the truth -- which is usually money (the first of which will be, "If a guest can't attend our wedding without free booze, I wish they wouldn't attend." -- as if weddings were free to attend, lol. Go ahead, put it to the test. Allow your guests to make an informed decision if the party you're hosting is one they want to attend, for five or six hours. Hey, you'd still get my presence and present, but four or five hours at a dry reception? No way. If you're so convinced of your position, put it on the printed invitation -- "Mocktails and dinner following". That will do it. Otherwise, accept the fact that they love you enough to attend your ceremony and a portion of your dry wedding reception. At the end of the day, every party is it's own event, and every attendant is entitled to determine when he/she wants to leaves "the party").

You do have a very small budget, but I'd suggest you find a way to offer wine or champagne to your guests (while you're enjoying bottled water or soft drinks). I've been to countless weddings, and the formula does NOT change...if you want the party you paid for, offer some alcohol.

It doesn't seem like your being in recovery has anything to do with your decision not to host alcohol. You don't seem worried about being around it. You flat-out say you don't want to pay for it if YOU can't enjoy it. And that's just cheap. Your rationale is selfish and you're counting on the sympathies of your guests to give you a pass.

If you don't want to go over your budget, it sounds like you should cut your guest list and get to a number you can afford.

How many guests are you having? You'd have to cut your list way down (like, to 10 people) if you even want to consider having a dry wedding. Your reception is there to thank your guests for coming to see you get married. Some people might like to have a drink with their meal at a wedding, and you should be providing it for them as the host of this celebration. It doesn't have to be anything special or expensive. You could even just host some beer and wine and call it good.

If you're worried about costs, you don't need to invite everyone you know. Just have immediate family and a few friends. There have been a few people here who have had very nice weddings with their 5-15 guests on budgets of $3-5k. I assure you that you can make room in the budget to provide a couple beers and some wine for those who do endulge.

Kelly M...perfect post...wish I could like it 10 times. You cut to the core of the matter.

Or do the other unpopular thing and don't serve alcohol.