M
Just Said Yes September 2014

Brother getting married on birthday.

Mat, on April 3, 2017 at 6:57 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 48
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Birthdays in my family are always a big deal no matter what age you are. My family also makes anniversaries a big deal. My younger brother (who is also the favorite) is getting married on my birthday in a few months. They asked me before hand if it was ok and I was initially reluctant to say yes but was then told that I had no choice in the manner. I am the best man in his wedding as well. The more I think about having his wedding on birthday the more it bothers me. Am I wrong for being upset about this? I am going but do not really want to give a speech. Since both birthdays and anniversaries are such a big deal in my family I feel like I am getting pushed to the side for what he wants because it is convient for him. The only upside is the open bar. I also don t like being the center of large groups of people but feel like my wish for them not to sing to me will be ignored.

48 Comments

Latest activity by Naikesha, on August 4, 2019 at 2:10 PM
  • MrsLaurenET
    Master September 2016
    MrsLaurenET ·
    • Flag

    Really? How old are you? I stopped caring about my birthday that much when I was 16...

    • Reply
  • Del
    Master November 2017
    Del ·
    • Flag

    You're an adult who has been married for three years. You're a bit old to be worried about losing your special annual day with your family. If your birthday matters to you, just celebrate it with your own spouse who will not care about your brother's anniversary.

    Don't give a speech if you don't want to. It's not required.

    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Master January 2017
    Amanda ·
    • Flag

    We had our wedding on DH's brother's birthday. He didn't mind. I wouldn't mind if someone had their wedding on my birthday. You get to party all night with your family and get free drinks. I think this has more to do with sibling rivalry than the actual date of his wedding.

    • Reply
  • J. Clo
    Master May 2018
    J. Clo ·
    • Flag

    Birthdays are big in my family. Big enough that I would not have consented to it being on my birthday nor would my siblings have asked. Here however, you consented so it's unfair to be upset about it.

    • Reply
  • Miami2NorthernVA
    Master November 2017
    Miami2NorthernVA ·
    • Flag

    I understand this. When I was picking a wedding date I made sure that it would not fall on the birthday of anyone in my family. You had a chance to say something about it, but you said you were ok with it. It isn't the end of the world. I do not know how old you are, but a you get older usually your birthday is celebrated more with your own family (spouse, kids, etc.).

    Also anniversaries are usually a personal celebration and not an extended family one, so this should not effect you.

    • Reply
  • Kourt
    Devoted January 2018
    Kourt ·
    • Flag

    Understanding that birthdays are a big deal in your family, that's difficult and I agree not terribly fair that they requested that. However, you did give them the go ahead. Also, if they had to pick a day with no family bdays, they would likely have slim pickings. I would celebrate your birthday the night before or day after. Or treat the wedding like a party to celebrate both the happy couple and you turning another year older!

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  • Alana
    VIP March 2018
    Alana ·
    • Flag

    My wedding date is my FSIL birthday. My FH family is big on birthdays and anniversaries too. He called her and told her not to plan anything on her birthday next year because of the wedding. She said ok and left it at that. Its a day. One time sharing your ITS all about me day ain't going to hurt anything. You should be happy your brother found the love of his life and honored that he chose your birthday

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  • soontobeRTR
    Expert February 2017
    soontobeRTR ·
    • Flag

    This seems very odd to me. I would try to focus on the positive here. Your brother is getting married and you get to go to a fun party with an open bar on your birthday! Sounds like a win win. My husband and I had plans for my bday but then his company scheduled its holiday party for that night so we went to that instead because it was fun and had an open bar. This ship has sailed so just go with it! As for making a speech, if you don't feel comfortable, then don't do it. They might not ask you anyway...

    • Reply
  • Rachel Langerhans
    Rachel Langerhans ·
    • Flag

    I can actually understand feeling *slightly* upset by this. Yes, birthdays as an adult aren't as much of a to-do as when we're kids, but still, we do sometimes celebrate with family or close friends; if you're in a wedding party on your birthday, this may change that (even change celebrating the day before or day after like some people mentioned).

    My best friend had her wedding on my 30th birthday (I was a bridesmaid in her wedding). She asked me if I minded if they had their wedding then. I was caught off guard that she even asked (which was very considerate of her to ask) because I never like having a big celebration for my birthday, but she wanted to check since it was my 30th, in case I planned (or someone else planned for me) to do something big.

    My initial reaction was that I don't think I mind (You have one wedding, I'll have more birthdays!), but let me mention it to my brother (my brother and I have the same birthday, but three years apart), because sometimes we have a family get together and celebrate together. When I told my brother, he had the same reaction as me - of course it's okay, it's one wedding versus many birthdays.

    My best friend was very sweet about it though... She remembered that it was my birthday on her wedding day and said Happy Birthday first thing in the morning. She also ordered a cake and completely surprised me later that night when they brought out a cake and sang happy birthday (this was AFTER the wedding and when the wedding party and some friends were hanging out at the bed & breakfast).

    I agree with others that say a wedding outweighs a birthday as far as having something on that date. It can still feel a little weird though if it happens. If you're close with and supportive of your brother and his significant other, I say give them your full support and let them know it's okay to have the wedding on your birthday and that you'll still be in the wedding party and would love to celebrate with them. If you're close, and if birthdays are a big deal in your family as you say, then my guess is they won't let your birthday slip by unnoticed; they'll probably have a little bit of a celebration for you as well (whether it's at the rehearsal dinner, after the wedding is over that night, or the following day) Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Celia Milton
    Celia Milton ·
    • Flag

    You're kidding right? As ET said, I stopped caring about my BD decades ago (and now I wish they didn't happen at all....)

    Yes, you're wrong, and you're being monumentally petty. You should remember, from your own wedding, that it's hard to pick a date. They extended the courtesy of asking you, which honestly, wasn't necessary at all. You said yes because apparently you were thinking like a rational adult at that point. Now you're taking this as a personal insult. Life gets pretty challenging when you take innocent things as a slur.

    If you want to hold a grudge, don't sing, don't speak, don't even go. But keep in mind that you have a birthday EVERY YEAR, and he has one wedding; it's his day to push you to the side, if that's the way you choose to think of it.

    A better way of handling it would be to be happy for your brother, suck it up and celebrate on another day.

    • Reply
  • OG Kathryn
    Champion May 2016
    OG Kathryn ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Lauren. I really don't understand adults believing the world stops because its their birthday.

    You agreed to it, move on. Its one birthday, you'll have others. You should be happy for your brother.

    • Reply
  • A. L.
    Master July 2017
    A. L. ·
    • Flag

    I would be a little annoyed (my birthday is a big deal to me), but I think a sibling's wedding would be a fun way to celebrate it.

    Our niece's birthday is the day of our rehearsal, and we are having a cake for her since she's giving up time for us on her birthday.

    • Reply
  • PerfectlyPolin
    VIP September 2017
    PerfectlyPolin ·
    • Flag

    They asked you. You said it was ok. Too late to change your mind. Get over it.

    • Reply
  • B&T2Be
    Expert September 2017
    B&T2Be ·
    • Flag

    The first year will go to them true. Every year after that is yours! Anniversaries are really celebrated among the couple, so there should be nothing intruding on your big day in the future. To the most the may go away for their anniversary, but hey if they leave you a gift then their good in my book.

    • Reply
  • Private_User832
    Master August 2017
    Private_User832 ·
    • Flag

    At this point, there is nothing you can do if they asked and you didn't say no. Personally I wouldn't have done that to a sibling but it's too late now for you, so you'll have to move forward

    • Reply
  • BohoRN2017
    Expert November 2017
    BohoRN2017 ·
    • Flag

    My brother got married two day after my birthday. The year he got married my birthday certainly got overlooked. Not a huge deal for me.

    However, the following year him and my sister in law seemed annoyed I was celebrating my birthday on my birthday... that year my birthday fell on a Saturday and their one year anniversary a Monday. They decided to go out to dinner for their anniversary instead of my birthday dinner. Their choice but they seemed annoyed I wouldn't pick a different night to celebrate. I simply told my mom my birthday will trump their anniversary for me.

    • Reply
  • N
    Master December 2016
    Nancy ·
    • Flag

    I agree with most of the above posters. I quit caring about birthdays about 16 also. You're an adult. Who cares? It's the bride's and groom's day. why can't you celebrate a few days later?

    • Reply
  • JoRocka
    Master September 2016
    JoRocka ·
    • Flag

    I don't understand this. At all.

    I actually don't understand grown ass people who take a whole day off to go celebrate their birthday. Or a week- or whatever.

    You'll have another birthday next year. Whatever man. be like Elsa and let it the fuck go.

    • Reply
  • Kaylie
    Master May 2016
    Kaylie ·
    • Flag

    I would actually be really excited to go to a wedding on my birthday. Free food and open bar?? When are birthdays ever that exciting?

    • Reply
  • RaeGin
    Master September 2017
    RaeGin ·
    • Flag

    IMO this is a case by case basis. If birthdays are big in your family, I can understand being a bit upset. Some people don't focus as much on their birthdays. I have no issue with either side. My brother got married 2 days after my birthday, and as a PP said my birthday definitely got overlooked that year, and basically every year since. I viewed that as an "oh well" situation.

    When we were planning our wedding we avoided anything too close to anyone's birthday for the exact reason that people value their birthday's differently. While some may not mind, others might. There were enough other days in the year that it didn't seem like a big deal for us to pick a day that wasn't on or near anyone's birthday.

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