Bridesmaid so

Probably a controversial opinion, but the only way I would be okay with him attending would be if it was a situation where he was 18 with a 17 year old girlfriend and got into trouble. Otherwise, absolutely not.

Agree with the above statement. I think you may need to have a heart to heart with your friend. Just because she forgives him for his actions, this doesn't mean you have to.

I agree with PP. You need to talk to your friend. Hopefully she will understand where you are coming from in regards to this situation. I also don't think you are being over protective, I think you are being a responsible adult who wants to make all of her guests comfortable at your wedding.

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I would also be ok if that was the case. When she first told me about it, she said it was "a misunderstanding", so I assumed it was something like that with a small age gap. However, my FH looked him up on the registry and it says the age of the victim was 9.

:-(

View Quoted Comment This exactly. Does he not have conditions on being around children anyway?

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I don't think he has any restrictions that would involve my wedding. I know he can't live within certain feet of a school or do trick or treating etc, but I know my friend has attended other weddings with him.

View Quoted Comment Oh boy.


Life will never be the same for that child ever again. Life shouldn't ever be the same for him either. I wouldn't be able to remain friends with someone who thought that the devastation he brought on a child could be dismissed as a "misunderstanding"

View Quoted Comment If he can't live near a school or open a door to give candy, I would think that he shouldn't be near children, period.
I'm a survivor of sexual abuse so I'm really distressed thinking of this guy getting near children.

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In my state, once you are a registered offender, you are an offender for life. These are things he will always be barred from. Which I have absolutely no problem with. I think offenders should be punished. I really don't think I am in the wrong for not inviting him, but I have seen so many posts on here that say the SO should always be invited, so I started to doubt myself. I'm so sorry for what you went through, I hope you have healed and I am so happy you have found your soulmate.

Do you know the extent of the offense? One of my previous co-workers (when we worked together in 2014) was a convicted sex offender, but I heard from many people (previous co-workers, friends, acquaintances who knew us both) that he fell asleep at some woman's house after a night of partying. The next day the woman accused him of rape and he got put into the system. Supposedly she was lying because she tried to rescind her allegations, but once you're in the system you're in the system. He's married and has a newborn now and a teenager from a previous relationship.

This is definitely a sticky subject because your friend is aware of her SO's situation so maybe there's something more to the story? Regardless, I share the same doubts and worries. I wouldn't want someone around who has a history like that, but then I also know the story of how unfair my previous co-worker was treated. Definitely talk to your friend about how you're feeling.

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I just read this after my post.

I still think you should talk to your friend, but my gut says to not have him around if you have kids at your wedding...it's best to be safe than sorry.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, that’s a hard pass. I would also really reconsider my friendship with someone who thinks that’s okay.

View Quoted Comment Thank you, that is very kind of you


I think this is the exception that makes the rule. SOs should always be invited unless there is a really compelling reason why not. Not liking him wouldn't meet the threshold but his egregious, illegal behaviour which puts other guests at risk does.

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I know she believes he didn't do whatever was said he did. She said he plead guilty because he was afraid of going to jail and as said in a previous post , it was a misunderstanding. I suppose it is possible he is innocent, but how could I ever know? Even if she told me the full story that he says happened, I couldn't be 100% sure and honestly I haven't spent much time with him to judge him for myself. It really sucks if he is innocent, but I just don't understand how someone could plead guilty to something like that if they did nothing wrong.

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If you aren't guilty you shouldn't plead guilty. I don't know.....that all seems super fishy.

I have a feeling this won't end well when you speak to your friend. You should protect the kids who will be at the wedding. If he really is innocent, he shouldn't have plead guilty. What really happened to the 9 year old?

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Oh hell no. No misunderstandings with a 9 year old and in that case hard no. I could see it was a year difference in age when he was 18 like a PP said but a 9 year old. Maybe a misunderstanding but I would hate to take that chance. I say talk to her because like you said you are thinking of others. If there are going to be kids at the wedding then that is not a good situation. Unfortunately your friend fell for him but I think even if she forgives him she may need to understand him not attending and sadly her dating a sex offender she is going to deal with adversity. Although worse case scenario be prepared that it does cause an issue or she declines being a bridesmaid or coming.

Call your state's sex offender registry and explain the situation. They should be able to give you the rules the offenders have to follow. You could also call the police department covering the area where he lives and ask them.

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I agree with this. Pleading guilty could mean jail time so if anything better to not plead guilty. Yeah could be a misunderstanding but how? I do not know your friend and maybe I am wrong but it seems like she is in love and is kind of ignoring the signs. Like you said even his story sounds fishy. I would maybe before making a hard decision just talk to her in person in private and tell her that you hate to be a bad friend but his situation makes you feel uneasy about the situation. Feel her out and see her reaction maybe before saying he cannot go. However, safety of your guests come first. Maybe I am wrong but I doubt this will be the last time she deals with someone this way if she chooses to date him. I would almost understand if he urinated near a playground or something and a kid saw but I feel you have to watch situations you put yourself in and not sure what a "misunderstanding" could be that should not have occurred.

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I don't think my friend has told everyone about his past. He attends family functions with her regularly where her little cousins and other children are present, so I honestly think she is oblivious to it being an issue. She also offered to another friend to babysit for her and I just wanted to scream. My other friend (also a bridesmaid) doesn't seemed bothered by it either. And I'm just over here like "Am I crazy?" I get that she believes him, but I think everyone has a right to be skeptical with this kind of offense. When I asked her about it when they first got together she was very vague, honestly I don't even know if she knows the whole story or if she cares to know, because like you said she is totally in love with him.

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Different people may feel differently but I would feel nervous having a KKK member around my guests too lol. No I do not think you are because before I finished your post I was like "ALERT". I mean there are some situations I am like ok that is the law being strict but I would at least like to know has he gone to therapy or something? I mean no one would not as it seems only you two know but sadly since she is in love with him I think she will take offense and it could hurt the friendship and sadly I do not see much of a happy medium a part from he can attend the ceremony and not the reception but that makes no sense. I am so sorry you are in this situation.