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Kennedy
Just Said Yes June 2021

Bridesmaid proposal but to not actually be a bridesmaid? - Hear me out!

Kennedy, on March 17, 2020 at 1:11 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 20
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I have more close friends than my fiancé does. Basically he has 4 and I have 7 that I would want in my bridal party. I have already gotten a few nudges from friends and I'm afraid I will definitely hurt feelings if I have to pick 4 out of the 7. I DON'T want to do that!

Thankfully, my fiancé and I's both have a siblings to hold the MOH and Best Man roles. We are planning on having them and no one else in the wedding party to keep things simple and not hurt anyones feelings.

However, I'd like to give my close friends SOMETHING (e.g. a bottle of wine and a card) telling them how important they are to me, and if I were having a bigger bridal party they'd be in it. That and also I just want them to show up and celebrate with me. That's it. No having to buy dresses, organize this or that- just partake in what they want to.

Thoughts / criticism / ideas welcome! Thanks!!

20 Comments

Latest activity by Jasmine, on March 17, 2020 at 9:43 PM
  • Suzanne
    Savvy July 2020
    Suzanne ·
    • Flag
    I had the same issue. We didnt have enough guys to match with my friends so I asked them if they wanted to be personal attendants. They're going to be my crew to help set up/take down things. I'm including them in for rehearsal and dinner as well as reserved tables at the reception, also giving them gifts and a card.
    • Reply
  • Dierdra
    Super August 2021
    Dierdra ·
    • Flag

    I think it's a sweet gesture. Nothing wrong with it.

    • Reply
  • Rebelle Fleur
    VIP July 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
    • Flag
    Instead of cutting them any don’t you just double up and have two women with each guy ?
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    I think it's super odd to give someone a bottle of wine to tell them that they aren't in your wedding, but you know your friends better than we do. If you just want to ask them to come celebrate with you, send them an invitation like the rest of your guests.

    • Reply
  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree with this. I would find it a little odd to receive a gift just to be told that I'm not a bridesmaid in someone's wedding. It just seems like an unnecessary reminder that they didn't "make the cut". If you have 7 people that you want in your bridal party, I would have 7 people in your bridal party. Sides don't have to be even, it's becoming more and more common to have uneven sides.

    • Reply
  • Ruby
    Savvy December 2020
    Ruby ·
    • Flag
    You could always just call them your bridal crew or something of that sort if they are still willing to help in any way they can. I know there’s several places you can get cards or stickers from that go on wine bottles that you can customize to say whatever you like. I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. Best wishes!
    • Reply
  • Sara
    Devoted August 2021
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    I have 6 bridesmaids and my fiance has 3 groomsmen. We are just having uneven sides.
    • Reply
  • Kaylex
    Savvy March 2021
    Kaylex ·
    • Flag

    I have a coworker that did not have a wedding party at all. What she did was get together her "bride tribe". They did everything bridemaids would usually do (help the bride, do the bachelorette party, wear similar colors on the day of the wedding, etc.). The wedding was on a cruise ship, so it was easier not to have to set up and rehearse with a party. Plus there would have been about 10 bridesmaids. Maybe you can have this "tribe" that way when you send your gift you tell them how important they are to you and that you are not deciding to have traditional BMs, but would love for them to still be a part of your day.

    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag

    I would feel pretty awkward if I was given a "proposal box/gift" then be told I wasn't going to be a bridesmaid so this is definitely a know your crowd thing. It is a sweet gesture but I would skip it and just invite them with the other guests.

    • Reply
  • Katharine
    Expert July 2021
    Katharine ·
    • Flag

    We have uneven parties ourselves. He has 10 GMs & I have 6 BMs. We're just doubling up the guys with the first 4 of my BMs, then the last 2 BMs will each have 1 GM escort.

    I agree with the others that it would be odd to have a proposal gift without actually being invited to the wedding party. At most I would just have have a talk with them to explain what you & FH agreed on and assure them that you would be happy to have them to take part in any festivities regardless.

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Devoted March 2019
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    I agree with PP where it might seem a little odd to get a bridesmaid gift that says "not really, but you're still my bestie"? If you want to gift them a little something meaningful, invite them out for a drink on you or bring wine to the next girls night.
    I think they would all be understanding when you say that you are only having your siblings standing next to you as MOH and Best Man. They'll still be thrilled for a bachelorette party, shower, etc. and I would totally have them all over for a girls night of wedding planning Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith Online ·
    • Flag
    If they want to be part of things, they can throw a shower, something any close friend or female family can do, whether or not they are in the wedding party. Showers don't have to be expensive, and they might like feeling they are doing something for you. Weddings are nice from the guest seats. You may seat these friends and their SO with you or at the next table at the reception, too.
    • Reply
  • A
    Just Said Yes March 2021
    Amanda ·
    • Flag

    My fiance is having 3-4 people and I am having 8. It's whoever you want there on your wedding day. At the end of the day if you're worried about the pictures just have them sit during the ceremony. You should have the people that you want by your side.

    • Reply
  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
    • Flag

    Do not ask your friends, bridal party or not, to work at your wedding.

    • Reply
  • Emily
    Super August 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Agreed with this! If I was a friend I would just be fine with a conversation over a gift.
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Expert July 2020
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    I have more girls than my fianceem if you're really that close to all of them , why don't you just have an uneven amount? You can either have two girls to one guy or have the men already standing upfront with the groom while your girls walk in alone.
    • Reply
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag
    I don’t think you owe it to anyone to have to ‘fess up’ let alone buy them something.
    If they ask you then you can go ahead and tell them but I dont think you’re obliged to tell people that their expectations were wrong?
    • Reply
  • Cassandra
    Devoted September 2021
    Cassandra ·
    • Flag
    At the end of the day I would just have the people you want in your wedding in your party.
    • Reply
  • Givemeallthepups
    Expert February 2020
    Givemeallthepups ·
    • Flag
    We didn’t have a wedding party. I talked to each of my girls individually and told them we were having a wedding party but I still wanted them to get ready with me that morning.
    • Reply
  • Jasmine
    Devoted May 2021
    Jasmine ·
    • Flag
    Girl if you want them in your wedding have them in your wedding. It’s totally fine. Sometimes there is one person who has more ride or die friends then the other in a relationship.
    • Reply

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