Bridesmaid not reciprocating

If you ask her to not be a BM, after asking her to be one, I'd be prepared for the friendship to no longer be there. I wouldn't have asked someone and expected them to ask me, I know some people have smaller wedding parties and I have a larger one, so I'd get it if some of the girls didn't ask me. Have you talked to your other 2 girlfriends on their opinions about this?

This is kind of ridiculous in my opinion. You chose to ask her. That doesn’t mean she’s required to do the same. If you ask her to step down, be ready for that to be the end of that friendship. And be ready for the possibility that it could affect your friendships with the other 2. I don’t know how I’d feel if one of my best friends asked another to step out of their wedding simply because she wasn’t asked to be a BM for the other friend.

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Agreed. If you go back on it now, you probably won't have much of a friendship after the fact. I don't know that I would have chosen her as a bridesmaid to begin with. If you aren't that close to her, I'm sure her feelings would not have been hurt as long as she was invited. I have a close group of about 6-7 friends and out of that group, only 3 are bridesmaids and the rest are guests. No ones feelings were hurt. Also worth noting that bridesmaid reciprocation is never required. Bridesmaids should be a chosen few individuals who you have a close bond with - not feel obligated to choose.

All feelings aside, is she doing a good job as a bridesmaid? If she is supporting you, being a good friend and holding up her end of the deal, then asking her to step down simply because she didn't ask you to do the same for her seems a bit ridiculous.

I would just take a deep breath and remember that you asked out of regard of kindness- to save her feelings. However, she was your friend at one point, so you must have thought it was a good idea to ask.
And perhaps she is closer to the other girls and decided that she didn't want anyone else. I wouldn't get your feelings hurt.
Focus on your wedding and be happy that things are movie forward.
Don't dwell on reasons to make things terrible because you don't need that.
It's hard not to feel slighted but you have your big day to plan for!
Good luck.

Asking her to not be a BM will probably be the final nail in the coffin of your friendship. You chose to ask her, and whether for the right reasons or not, you should just stick with it.

Bridesmaids aren't required to reciprocate. You ask someone to stand up there with you because you love and want them there, not because you want something from them.

I would try to let this go. She was under no obligation to ask you just because you asked her. Look on the bright side - you should probably be happy you don't have to focus on her wedding as a bridesmaid if you aren't really great friends with her anymore! It will save you a ton of time and money and you can just go and enjoy as a guest.

Have fun with your wedding planning! Try not to let this get you down.

I understand having your feelings hurt and I might feel the same way, but there isn't a rule that because you asked someone to be a bridesmaid, you have to be theirs. Would it be nice? Of course! But it's definitely not required. Bridesmaids are who you are the most close with, if she didn't choose you, it's not necessarily a reflection of your relationship with her, but she may have different relationships with other people. And that's totally normal. Don't let this get to you too much, it's okay to be down, but it shouldn't interfere with your wedding.

Why would you ask her to step down because she had the courage no to include someone she isn't close with in her bridal party? You need to get over it. You chose to ask her. If you ask her to step down you'll look petty and ruin your friendship with her and if I were your other friends I'd start giving you the side eye too.

I understand your feelings, I really do. However, at this point I'd not say anything to any of the three girls. Keep your focus on your wedding, your fiance, your happiness. Don't give this any more space in your head and distract you from what's important. You may find that she had reasons you don't know now for the makeup of her party. At the worst, you will have behaved with class and grace and you can always let the friendship just fade out.

You asked her for your own reasons. Be happy with your decision and relieved that you don’t have the added expense of being a BM on top of planning your own wedding, especially for someone you’re not really close with.

You asked her, even though you thought her less of a friend than the others. She was just more honest to begin with. Meanwhile, if you drop her for not inviting you to be her bridesmaid, be prepared for the fact the the other two women may think you are being petty or mean, and may quit on you. Be prepared to be happy with no wedding party, and a big hole in your friendships list in the future, down all three. I think you need to show some maturity, and realize that whenever their are 3-4 women in a bride's WP, odds are she will at most be asked to be in one, possibly 2 of their weddings. Often, if they are a few years apart, none. Over the past 25 years since a young teen, I have been in the wedding party of more than 25 brides who were not related to me, or my husband. One was MOH in mine, of the 3 in my party. Time, and circumstances. Reality is, If a bride has been in five weddings through the years, even just a few years, must she bypass the current 2 or 3 people she is now closest with? Or her sisters if she is close to them? To have the five she was bm for? Especially if she only wants 2 attendants? That would be absurd, and simply is not how things are done. You say you were sparing her feelings by asking her. Did it ever occur to you, she knows you think less of her, and she may feel the same about you, compared to the other two. She likes you, and has shared experiences, just not as close. Perhaps she only said yes to spare your feelings, and not embarrass you. That is no reason for her to have a third attendant, you. She has been participating in yours, got her dress. She obviously has made a commitment to support you and be happy for you? Why set a new condition, that there has to be more, her wanting you as a bm?

Personally, I wouldn't ask her to step down. Solely to avoid tension on your wedding day. This could blow up in your face to the other two girls. I WOULD, however, talk to the other girls to see what's up.

Agree with PPs. I would be hurt too but asking her to step down now will create drama, which is never needed. I think it would end your relationship with this friend and also make your mutual friends feel torn between the two of you. It’s disappointing but try not to let it get you too down.