Bridesmaid in a wedding - how much do i spend on gift?

You definitely don’t have to spend $200! I think you should pay whatever you’re comfortable with, whether that be $20 or $50 or anything else. Your friend will appreciate that you were there by her side on her big day, and that’s what matters most!

What’s an appropriate amount you’ll accept from her for your wedding? That’s your answer.


Usually gifts are not given at the engagement party but the rehearsal dinner. (Not that you’re keeping score).

An appropriate amount is whatever you can afford.

View Quoted Comment That’s surprising to me, Crystal! I’ve never seen people give gifts at a rehearsal dinner and we’ve always done engagement party ones instead.

View Quoted Comment I’ve been in three weddings and always got the gift at the rehearsal. In fact, each time it was something to wear to the wedding.


When you think about it, that would be after everyone helped out and the most appropriate time to say “thank you”.
As an aside, I did proposal boxes. I tend to over give to those I care about. I’d find a way to come up with 200. However I understand being tight on money and spending a lot that day. 1. Talk to her 2. You have a year to give her a gift.

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I have never given a gift at either but engagement parties I feel are a new trend. Only two recent brides I know have had one. I give them the day of. I say give what you can. Whomever came up with the dollar amount to give as a gift is full of crap. I am sorry but I have rarely been to a wedding where I felt the food and drinks I had were worth $100. I usually do between $40 -$50 because ultimately the reception is a thank you so to me it make no sense that you "pay for your plate" because then basically you are eating out lol. That is my opinion. Selfishly as someone's BM I feel I contributing to the wedding financially as well so I definitely do not feel obligated to give a lot. Maybe if the bride bought my dress and covered hair and make up I would. I would say while I do not fully agree with Crystal but kind of piggy backing off her comment, if your friend does not give a lot then you cannot be offended. Some brides complain that no one even gave a card so something is better than nothing IMO.

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Nooo, I meant I had an engagement party for my fiance and I and she did not bring a gift to that. Not that she isn't giving us a gift at her rehearsal dinner. She's paying for our hair, which is our gift from her.

I think if I weren't in the wedding I may have been able to to come up with the 200 but on top of makeup, bachelorette party, dress, and bridal shower I've already spent close to 500. She did tell me 'don't feel obligated to give a gift' but I feel like that's just her being nice, but not meaning it lol.

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I had never thought of it like that - paying for you plate is basically just going out to eat. That's such a good point. Especially because at my upcoming wedding it'll be like $120 per plate, and I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for that for each person if they were coming in a couple (although I will say my meal is gonna be that good hehe ) But that's very true. Between the shower, the bachelorette, the dress, and make up I've already spent around 400. Perhaps if I weren't in the wedding I would've been able to pay more, but by the end of it I'll have spent at least 500.

And in the end nobody is even obligated to give a gift!

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Hey I am all about great food at a reception but at $120 a pop my FH and I can go to Texas de Brazil which is unlimited Brazilian churrascurie (sounds good now lol). I agree expecting someone to pay that amount could be asking a lot. It sounds to me that you would not be offended if she did not give you the cost for your plate so you are fine. Like someone else said give what you can because a real friend won't judge you based on the amount. I think you will be fine. To me better than giving no gift because some people don't even believe in giving a card.

In the past, for the weddings I have been a bridesmaid in, I have given $200 as a gift even though I had the big expense of dress, hair, makeup, bridal shower, bach party etc... the list goes on. However, I think 100$ would also be an acceptable dollar amount. For my one friend I wrote a $200 check and my other friend I purchase something for about $150 on her registry AND gave a card with $50 check to make up the difference. In fact I have given less for weddings that I was not a bridesmaid because I didn't feel that they were a close relative or family friend. If they are a very close friend I would try to find a way to make the $200 work for your budget.

It really depends on what you can afford, but I've never gifted less than $100 when attending a wedding. I actually usually give more when it's a close friend, so i usually gift more when I'm a bridesmaid. Typically my fiancé and I give $300 from the 2 of us for a close friend. He is still a grad student but we will likely increase this amount once he's working. It just depends on what you can afford, and what seems reasonable to you. No one is ever going to call you out on it.

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I'm very torn about it. I usually give 150 for a couple when I'm not in the wedding. I gave $200 for my brother's wedding though, but he's family, AND they paid for hair and make up. We aren't going to have any significant increases in salary anytime soon because we're not in grad school, and we're both working entry level positions with student debt and a mortgage and a wedding. It's hard because I also know two other bridesmaids paid less than 150 for their gifts (one did 50 and wine and the other did 120 with her husband). I'm just so torn. I know it shouldn't matter, and they should be fortunate for anything they get, but I also don't want to come off as cheap.

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I would say keep it at $100. Ya know what...maybe give them a gift card to Ruth Chris Steakhouse or something like that. Could be a date night or a first anniversary gift?

I agree with others that what's given as a gift should NEVER be more than the giver is financially comfortable with. Given all that you are spending as a BM, and the added pressures of your current expenses (e.g., home, wedding, etc.), I think a modest gift is completely understandable. Regardless of what you choose to give, based on a zillion posts on this forum, I think the MOST important thing is a card with a heartfelt message to the happy couple. Daughter and SIL had a large wedding party, and except for one older family member who was a BM and gave them a check, I think the most expensive gift they received from any of their wedding party friends was probably about $50 worth of towels from their registry, and several of them did not give a gift or card. D & SIL did not care at all, they were just really happy all their friends were willing and able to participate in the wedding.

I found this whole thread kind of shocking....

I think people in the wedding party should not give gifts at all.

I am paying for my BMs' hair and makeup, but they are buying their own dresses, paying for a hotel room for the wedding (2 nights because of the rehearsal dinner), paying for my shower, and paying for their own expenses for the Bachelorette too (and probably some of my expenses on the trip too since they are always so sweet and generous). They will easily spend hundreds of dollars by being in my wedding.

How is that not enough? I begged them not to get me an engagement party gift and they still jointly got me and my fiance a gift card to a nice restaurant for a date night which I thought was so sweet!

I think if you want to get them something thoughtful or sentimental that could be okay, but cash? That is completely not expected where I am from and I would not accept cash from my girls.

Just thought I would share the other side of thought for this topic! Its so interesting how different parts of the country or different social circles have different views on wedding stuff.

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This is really refreshing to hear. I've told my bridesmaids the same thing. I don't expect them to give me anything, but know they still will all give SOMETHING. I hate giving cash, I really do. And I wish I'd thought to get something on the registry and didn't wait that late. I know two girls and their husbands went in on a $250 Yeti cooler together which was a brilliant idea that I wish I'd gotten behind. I want to give something, so maybe I'm thinking a nice restaurant gift card and a bottle of bourbon (they're big bourbon people) from my Fiance and I.

Thank you for commenting because I was extremely stressed over people saying I need to spend at least 200 lol.

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Love that idea! It's more personal than a check, and 100$ at a restaurant can go far.

Whatever you can afford and feel comfortable doing. I had 9 bridesmaids, so here are a few examples of the extremes you can get:

1 Bridesmaid - Husband's 35 year old sister - her father paid for her dress, hotel room, we paid for her hair & makeup, she went to my bridal shower (my mom hosted and paid for the entire thing), and didn't go to my bachelorette. She struggles with drinking & financially and has no money. She spent a total of $0 of her own money for our engagement & wedding, she didn't gift us anything (not even a card).

1 Bridesmaid - My best friend of 4 years - bought her dress, flew to CO from AZ for the wedding, stayed in blocked hotel two nights, got botox/facial/microneedling/nails for the wedding, drove to CA for my bachelorette party & paid for large portions of drinks/food/etc., gifted me a $600 wallet for bachelorette party, sent lingerie to bridal shower (couldn't attend), gifted us $100 for the wedding. She spent well over $1,500 for everything and still gifted us $100 and a card.

So basically whatever you can afford and want to do. I've been in 2 weddings, both times we gifted the couple $100 cash regardless of what I had spent. I'm sure the bride would be happy & totally fine if you gifted nothing, $200, or anything in the middle.

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I had no idea weddings involved such confusing and at times conflicting expectations until I began planning and visiting this site. So much to keep track of!

I think a bottle of bourbon would be really nice and more personal. I would suggest not letting yourself worry too much (easier said than done, I know) because your friend will be grateful for anything you choose to gift her!

View Quoted Comment From my experience the only gifts that are at the rehearsal dinners are from the bride and groom to their wedding party and parents. The wedding gifts from the bridal party to the newlyweds are normally brought to the wedding and put on a table at the reception. I’m getting married October 2020 and my bridesmaids are also paying for their hair and makeup. $100 is more than enough. If you can’t spend $100 on a gift I think $20-$50 would even be enough with a nice card. I think brides know that being in the bridal party is not cheap and most don’t expect much out of their wedding party as far as gifts go.