Bridesmaid Can't Attend Wedding

@Laura, um. Yeah. There are people out there that don't have a spare $1,000 to spend on someone else's wedding. Some people don't have enough money in savings to live off of for a year of going unpaid. I know I couldn't. I have a great job. In fact I work multiple jobs. I could not be out of work for a year unpaid and be able to pay my bills. And I'd feel extremely uncomfortable doing ANYTHING frivolous like attend a party requiring airfare and hotel knowing I have no income. Hell I'd cut all things extra out of my spending. No more cable. No more getting nails or hair done. No more eating out. None of it.

Your comments are shockingly uninformed about socioeconomics in general. You clearly have no understanding of individuals in a different working class, employment field or financial situation than your own, seemingly privileged,situation. Not everyone is as fortunate as you. And $1,000 dollar parties when you do not have a steady income is absolutely irresponsible.

Thanks Laura for reminding me of all the people who lack awareness beyond their own situation.

No problem!

We are all of different backgrounds. Some people can afford to do things others can't. If her bridesmaid truly cannot afford to attend (and isn't just panicking because she lost her job and it's a knee jerk reaction) then that's perfectly fine. When I lost my job I went into "savings mode" too and freaked out, until my fiancé reminded me we don't even need my income. I'm just frugal and a saver and I always have been, which is how I can afford to spend money on what's worth it to me.

You're applying your personal situation (which is extremely fortunate and you are very lucky to have an unnecessary income) to the OP's, who already said her bridesmaid can't afford it.

I know it feels great to brag about what you personally can afford, but this really isn't applicable.

I'm also upset when I see how my fiancé's groomsmen dealt with their issues.

1. Initially, one of them thought he couldn't attend the wedding because his sister's was the same day. He was distraught and reached out to me first and called my fiancé later to discuss. He told us a year in advance. He can make it now, but that's a different story...

2. One of his friends is in the middle of his surgical residency and can't miss any days. He's going to miss the rehearsal. He has to take a red eye flight Friday night and leave Sunday morning, only being in town for about 24 hours. But he'll be there day of the wedding!

Seeing my fiancé's friend's dedication to coming and their care in how they dealt with these issues makes me sad my friend couldn't offer the same.

@RealLindseyO you're right and I'm bowing out of this discussion!

That's so unfair to your bridesmaid. Don't compare situations.

I have a savings account as well, but never would I consider being a bridesmaid a priority over choosing to pay my car note, mortgage or have food to eat. That IS being financially irresponsible. While some people may be fortunate to just have a shit load of money to do whatever they want to with it, obviously OP's friend is NOT one of those people. Your personal situation and sitting on a shit load of cash has nothing to do with the fact that this BM has already expressed that she can not afford to travel to make this happen. Your situation isn't relevant to this at all.

Wow, OP, yeah, please think about this very upsetting time for your friend. This is not about you. Please be a friend to her.

Larry, your comment really shows a lack of awareness of the importance of things other than weddings. Weddings are not as important as financial stability.

Laura, are you arguing just for the sake of argument? If I lost my job, I would not be spending my savings to attend a one day event. It's great for *you* that you don't need your income, how nice for you. Again, this isn't about what *you* can afford, it's about the OP's BM.

Does it suck? Yes. Is it about you, OP? Hell no.

Holy shit people. You can be upset about this. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. You put your friend first.

Let me be quite blunt, it sucks when you lose your job unexpectedly. It happened to me before the wedding and I panicked. She's smart to save. Also, have you interviewed lately. I applied for lots of jobs. Typically they'd have a phone interview, then an in person interview within a few days. She's smart to stay home just in case she has an interview come up that Friday or Monday.

Last time I was looking for a job, I went to 19 interviews in three weeks. It took all of my energy, and I spent some money on new interview clothes. There was zero chance I was spending any money on any wedding. If my own sister had been getting married then, I would have borrowed money from my parents, but that's absolutely it.

@Laura - people have different financial needs, sometimes depending on where they live. I save a lot of money, but where I live I couldn't justify dipping into those savings for a friend's wedding that includes a plane ride.

I'm glad that you had a situation that allowed you to do it, but it's not really fair to put everyone at your level. Honestly, you're probably more of an anomaly than a norm.

OP - i agree that she has no obligation to stay in the BP if she lost her job. I understand that you feel hurt, but I think it's also a good idea to put yourself in her shoes and consider if it were you.

It does probably sting that she put it in a text instead of a phone call, but I don't know if I would have a phone call about it either. She's probably upset she can't come. She's more upset she lost her job. I wouldn't want to call so you could her me be a sobbing mess.

ETA - neither of your groom situations was a financial one. It's not apples to apples.

There is an amazing amount of self-centredness displayed in this thread.

A hint is a hint.

She may genuinely not want to have you all chip in for her or she may just not want to be a bridesmaid and this is a good excuse. Let it be.

Also, I did have two bridesmaids drop out. One for personal reasons, one that got a promotion at work and my wedding was on a blackout for time off. I missed them dearly, but life happens. They are still my friends!

Lossing a job is extremely stressful. It sucks she doesn't want to go, but you can't really get mad at her about this. Give her some time and maybe she will change her mind. If not, try to be compassionate.

@OP I don't know you. But I'm hoping this is one of those moments where the stress of planning makes wedding brain take over. I think you could be a kind person. Take a step back and be there for your friend. Your groomsmen are making big sacrifices but they aren't facing financial issues and it's unfair to compare your friend to them.

She lost her job and is probably stressing x10 about bills, food and gas. She doesn't wont to be a sympathy case right now She is hurting right now. Be there for her not against her.