Bridesmaid Can't Attend Wedding

She lost her job.

Be a friend first, a bride second.

One word: Sympathy.

ETA: It sucks, yeah, but she needs to take care of herself. I'm sure she's got bills to pay, etc.

I feel like there are 2 things to consider here.

1- If you've offered the help, and have been honest about not wanting to be paid back, and she still declined, you have done your part and there is nothing you can do to change her mind.

2- I totally don't mean this to be rude, but she is 100% right in deciding to put her job hunt before the wedding. While I understand the situation isn't ideal, and it would have been nice to know sooner, she still has an obligation to make sure her bills are paid and that she can continue to live after your wedding. Her job should come first.

I would take some time to talk with her, try to call her. It sounds like your friend is going through some stuff. Although she is (or was) a bridesmaid in your wedding, she was your friend first. Don't lose sight of the friendship over something like this. If your sides are uneven, that will be okay. No harm, no foul.

She lost her job. Don't let her lose a friend too.

Be sad that she can't make it, and then get over it.

@SarahM that's a very unfair presumption. From what OP wrote, it sounds like she has made very effort to help her out.

Yep she's not obligated to take your money. I wouldn't do it either if I were in her shoes. It looks like she informed you with enough time. Don't make this about you. She's dealing with her own problems.

My FH's groomsman backed out with similar reason. He didn't replace him but it will be ok. We are disappointed though

@Natalie - maybe you glossed over this part: "How she's handled the situation, and her seemingly insensitivity to my feelings really hurt me."

I understand your feelings being hurt but she's in a tight position. Although your other friends have graciously offered to cover her expenses she needs to focus on finding work and re-evaluate all her commitments that steer away from that. Plus she may feel a certain way about not being to contribute.

The fact that she's being short with you and maybe even a little bit of avoidance makes me thing she's more overwhelmed than she's leading you to believe. This is a stressful time for both of you. You're understandably upset and confused by her refusing your help and not wanting to be by your side. And she is understandable stressed with what all is going on in her life. Just try to look at it from both sides and continue being a supportive friend. If anything that's what she needs most right now. Different people have different coping mechanisms and this sounds like hers. Also stop and think if there could be any other underlying factors as well. You know her best. Fingers crossed for it to all work out.

The last time I lost a job I felt like my world had ended and I sunk into a deep depression. The last thing I wanted to do was burden someone by consuming someone else's funds. I completely understand that you are hurt but if she is anything like I was, she may be in a world of hurt right now. Offer your friendship, let her know your offer still stands, and that you will be there if she needs you. Hugs OP -

'If one of my best friends lost their job, I'd be making sure I sent them job opportunities, that they could pay rent, groceries, send them a gift card for gas, etc. not be focused on something for me.'

She might well be doing that too. Who knows? I think offering to pay for the bridesmaids expenses for the wedding without reimbursement is a nice gesture on behalf of op though.

I'm sorry. Be a friend first. I'm sure she'd be really hurt if she read this.

It's unfortunate that she can't come, but her livelihood comes above your wedding.

Really Natalie? OP's biggest concern is that her friend hurt HER feelings. Can an unemployed woman catch a break?

It sucks, but that is life. At least you weren't ghosted. You have every right to your feelings, but she is an adult and will make her own decisions. Sometimes people are not use to receiving free help, so maybe she is one of those kinds of people. I do think the way she relayed the message to you was crappy, but that is her own faults. I recommend, no more wedding talk to her and focus more on her and how her job hunt is coming along. I know it hurts, but she was your friend first and she sounds like she really needs a friend right now.

Sounds like she doesn't deserve to stand by you

I'm going to agree with OP here. This sucks and she has every right to be upset. I broke up with my live-in boyfriend right before my friend's wedding, where I was a bridesmaid. I lost over $1500/month in his contribution to our household. That absolutely hurt my wallet but never in a million years did I dream of backing out of my friend's wedding. I've dipped into savings to attend weddings and showers and bachelorettes. More money can be made but OP's hurt feelings could last for a long time.

I would be upset too. When did she lose her job, recently? I am surprised her plane ticket isn't booked if she just lost her job!

I just feel like these some people are too quick to jump on the op and accuse of being insensitive, selfish etc from such a small snippet that she wrote of the situation.

Her tragedy is not about you, OP.

It really stinks that she lost her job. It stinks first and foremost for her, since she is the one who is now without an income. And it also stinks for you. You wanted to have your friend by your side at your wedding, and now that is not going to be able to happen. It stinks.

But as a friend, you owe her much more than just kvetching about how this is going to affect *you.* Step up and show her you are there for her rather than bitching about her texting and her "insensitivity" toward you during HER time of need.

Ha... I am far from financially irresponsible. Nice try. I have hefty savings for a reason, because I've always been smart with money.