Bridesmaid broke my heart(UPDATED)

As someone with a sister studying for the bar and knowing how all consuming it can be, let her now out and be supportive. Hopefully she can still attend the wedding

Absolutely do not replace her. That's rude to the other person because it's obvious they weren't special enough to you originally. Also, sounds like your friend has a lot going on. Tight financial situations can be tough and career trumps someone else's wedding. Be supportive and just let her know that you can't wait to see her at the wedding and you are there for her when she needs you.

Her points sound valid. Maybe it was too difficult for her to tell you in person. Don't be hurt, it happens!

Dont replace her, her excuse is valid, and yes it's better she let you know sooner rather than later. She didn't do anything wrong here and while it stings, you can still enjoy the day with her as a guest.

Ok, I might just be too sensitive. She's been dodging me all week knowing I had gifts for her. I saw her posting all sorts of social outing with her neighbor and didn't realize she was that busy. Every time she told me about a case or something I sent her a big message telling her how much she kicked ass and would never get a response. And then suddenly received this. It felt so ... convenient?

Thanks all! So good to hear other perspectives. I get so stuck in my head and let's just say it's been such a bad week... this was just the icing on the cake.

It's fine to be bummed, but her reasons are very valid, and quite frankly, her life and livelihood SHOULD come first to her, even over your wedding.

Nobody will care about your wedding as much as you do. When a bride makes that realization, it becomes easier to put things like this into perspective. Take what she's saying at face value (she would love to but really financially and time-commitment-wise actually can't), and move on. Oh, and absolutely don't replace her. That just sends a horrible message to her and your other friends, including her replacement.

It probably happens more than everyone admits. I would be bummed, too & yes it would be best if she had a convo in person vs txt. But her reasons seem very reasonable. I'd be glad she assessed how much time, $, energy she'd have as your BM & didn't try to over do it...less stress for you in the end.

I don't think you're being too sensitive, it's natural to feel bummed, but she has a perfectly valid reason. It probably killed her to do that, but better now than later as PP said. I don't think you should replace her though, that's similar to b-listing (in my opinion).

I think you should get over it and not ask someone as a runner up. I honestly don't want to be a bridesmaid ever again. I'm not interested in spending the money or participating in activities. At least she told you.

I understand being upset, but she does have a valid reason. Please don't replace her.

It's ok to be upset but I would let it go. Her text message was very nice and although face to face would have been nicer it is what it is. Wish her luck with the exam and tell her you hope she'll still come and celebrate.

She probably felt pretty bad about it. Better now than later though—she has some valid reasons. Being a BM can be hard and you don't want resentment at your wedding.

OP I had a bridesmaid and a groomsman back out of the wedding a few months back. They were a married couple and between their two daughters and a new house (which has been a financial nightmare for them), they couldn't be a part of the wedding party. It was a super bummer, especially because they had been a part of the engagement surprise my FH planned and executed, so I was sad. Your feelings are valid and you're allowed to be disappointed. But don't let this ruin your friendship with her. The bar is super demanding and takes a lot of time to prepare. Hell my aunt was my moms MOH 27 years ago, and left the wedding reception a little early to go study for it. Be supportive of her in this time because trust me she feels bad. And as others have said, don't replace her, or she will feel worse.

As someone who has taken two bar exams (GA and NY) cut her a ton of slack. I know you're disappointed, but honestly you'd rather her tell you now than try and be miserable for everyone later. To put it in real time commitments and costs for you- A bar prep course recommends about 10-12 hours of studying per day. In addition, I don't know how much NCs bar admissions process costs but in GA it was around $1,000 when all was said and done just to take the test. Then add between $1600 -3,000 for the prep class. She's not kidding when she says time and money are issues.

I work in law, and sometimes it's more work than others. Most of my social outings now consist of fundraisers, events, charities and some type of party for this judge, that cop, this prosecutor and so on. My closest friends are those whom I work with now. I am standing up in a wedding this month and tried explaining to the bride how hard it is for me to take off and that I can't just have endless days off like she gets working part time.

Please do not take this personally at all. I see both sides for you as I'm getting married in September. Let her know it's okay and that you support her. The bar is very hard! A lot fail. Theres a lot of pressure for it. She will be more thankful for you're understanding than you know. Maybe tell her the offer still stands if she changes her mind. And maybe you could offer to buy just her dress if she changes her mind. Take a little burden off her shoulders yet still let her know you understand 100%. It's nothing personal and I bet she's upset that she even had to tell you this to begin with

I'm definitely glad she told me today as opposed to a month before the wedding...

How do you ladies normally communicate? When you began talking wedding activitites did you text or call. Be grateful as you are that she was honest up front tell her if still would like to help you plan you welcome her opinions and leave it at that.

I would be bummed of course but she seems very sincere in the text to you. I would not let this ruin a friendship and I certainly would not replace her. Offer her support as it seems she has a tough road ahead of her. It does not seem to me that she was being anything but apologetic and disappointed in not being able to stand with you for the wedding. I would respect the fact that she told you now and not later. that in iitself and the emotional tone of the text to you should speak volumes! Good luck!

I think her message was heart felt and as a third year law student taking the bar next February, the preparation and cost is excruciating. I agree with other pps. Let her bow out and have her come as a guest. You have every right to be bummed, but please don't replace her.