Bridesmaid broke my heart(UPDATED)

I can understand your frustration. I'm concerned my (hopefully soon to be) MOH might not accept because of time and budget. That really stinks. But please don't replace her. That devalues her, whoever you replace her with, and the rest of the bridesmaids, because it communicates that they are merely props. Be as supportive as you can of your friend. She probably would love to be there for you but just can't right now.

It seems way too early to select party members....as much as it's disappointing (for both of you) she was sincere and did let you know, almost a year out. Her reasons are very valid. If the sides are uneven...potato patata.

Jay makes a good point. You did ask way early. Usually 6-8 months before the wedding works best. People often don't know that far ahead if they'll have time/money. Although re: money, it's just the cost of the dress.

I ugly cried when I had to really consider dropping out as a BM before. I don't know if I would have talked in person because of that.

Don't take the text personally.

@Kate W hey date twin! I don't see an issue replacing her since you're 10 months away from the wedding. Still plenty of time to ask.

She probably feels extremely guilty and felt like the only way she could being her self to tell you is through text. She knows how upset you will be and I'm sure she is too. )

As a been there, done that with a bar exam...she's done nothing wrong. The bar exam is life consuming. I studied 16-18 hours a day. I passed the first time, but my friends who didn't put in that time, failed. It's difficult to understand the commitment a bar exam takes unless you're going through it. I missed a lot of special events (during law school and bar study), but I'm now even closer with my friends who were understanding and standing at the other end of that tunnel from hell.

If you want to check this info out, the passing rates in nearly every state have gone down every year since the legal market crashed in 2007/2008. Passing isn't guaranteed, nor is finding a job in our skimpy market. There are CNN, NYTimes, etc., articles all on this topic. She's probably scared and stressed right now.

Btw, as far as texting it, I can't speak for her, but that time getting ready to study for me was overwhelming and stressful. I also didn't see or really talk to anyone for a few months until after the test.

Tell her you understand, you love her, and take her a study bag of caffeine goods and sugar products.

Friendship works both ways, and you should be supportive of each other. Her reasoning is incredibly fair. She's not backing out without thought put into it.

This should in no way affect your dress shopping experience!

ETA: don't replace her, at least, not yet. I personally think you asked your BMs too early. Common opinion on these boards is 6 months out. So, just hang tight. A lot can happen between now and then, and uneven sides are way better than hurting a friend.

I had several people drop out and so I know this feeling and it sucks. Since you're so early in I wouldn't replace her and just have the 3 girls.

I totally get why you're disappointed. I know for me, I wouldn't care what was going on in my life if a best friend of mine was getting married. I was in a competitive masters program and I made things like this work so I would be hurt to read that text.

But she had the courtesy to tell you so I would definitely just respect that and let it be. I wouldn't let it affect your relationship. Sometimes people text bc it's less confrontational for them then saying it in person.

Don't replace her. But seriously I wish I had a bm who took the high road like this. I had one who would not order her dress and was miserable dealing with so you saved yourself aggravation

The only thing that this may impact would be your decision to be a bm for her when that time comes if she asks. I know I would struggle doing that if my friend backed out on me but as far as all else, don't let it affect your friendship!

I understand feelings no upset but she sounds genuine. Let it go, don't replace her.

I think her reason for not being able to stand by you are valid, and you should be more supportive. At least she was honest and humble about it. I wouldnt replace her, keep it at 3 and hopefully shell be able to celebrate with you and you with her. Good luck to you and to Her!!!

It's okay to be bummed. But I would get over it. She seems really upset that she can't be a part of it, don't make her feel worse. Be happy she was honest with you. Don't replace her. And if your lines "off" now, that's okay, uneven sides is normal these days.

I'm sorry you're upset but it was better her tell you now rather than later.

I would continue on with the ladies you have. I feel that she could have made time to see or call you if she really wanted to. Her reasoning sounds valid, but as a friend I would wish her well and be on my way.

It hurts but it's okay. I originally wanted 6 but one of my friends is in another state and she rather be a guest. I was bummed but it's okay. So I have 5 and I never replaced anyone. As long as she attends thats what matters.

It's fine to be upset I would be too. But I wouldn't replace her.

Try not to take it too personally that she didn't back out face to face. No matter who you're talking to, it can be really hard to say to someone you love "I can't afford or don't have time to do this." She probably feels like she's letting you down and probably feels really sad about it herself.

As someone who took the bar, she's really doing the right thing in the long run. My prep class was 3,300 and exam fees were 1,500. Not to mention there's literally no time because you're studying 24/7 and crazy stressed. It's much better for everyone involved and your relationship that she's backing out now. I was in a friend's wedding that summer but only because she approached me ahead of time, bought the dress and made it explicitly clear that the ONLY thing I did was show up the day of. And she truly meant it and didn't have any other expectations. And we've been friends since we were five. Her understanding meant the world to me and sometimes I think she's the only one - not my family, not my fiancé - who really understood what I was going through and what I needed at that time.

I think her message is very thoughtful. You may be wrapped up in your wedding-maybe you're taking this a bit more personally? I would be disappointed as well, but I don't think you should replace her.

I'd be bummed to but she did have a valid reason. Not sure I'd replace her though . Some people can't express face to face and she sounds truly sorry.