Bridesmaid and Groomsman Dropped out

If it means that much I would try speaking to her (at a later time) and offer to cover expenses.

My cousin had a baby super pre-mature and was in the hospital the same amount of time. She was terrible at texting when he got out because there were so many other concerns (he was on an oxygen tank that constantly beeped) they have more going on then we could understand so I would try to not be too hurt they are focusing on their baby and that's very important. I'm sorry she dropped out and that sucks and all but it's also understandable considering what they are currently going thru (my cousin's baby is doing great but it was a ROUGH few years)

I understand being sad, thats justified.

Your friend has just gone through a long, heart wrenching journey. I cant even imagine the medical bills they have. She is probably just as disappointed and embarrassed herself that she can no longer attend.

Also, how could anyone expect her to leave her sick struggling baby home after what its been through.

She has two little ones, one is medically fragile. She gets to be a mom first, they both get to be parents first. I am sorry it is hard to hear over text, I agree, but that might have been the quickest way to communicate to you at the earliest opportunity.

Don't replace them, your bridal party is smaller now, and the next time you do chat don't talk about the wedding, just ask about her and the little ones.

First, take a nice deep breathe. I'm sure the decision was just as hard for them to drop out as it was for you to hear. Premature babies and babies in general are very hard for new parents, especially when they have had difficulties with the baby's health. I am sure they do not think that your wedding is last in their priorities but I have a feeling they are struggling. Don't be discouraged by their not texting back right away, new parents are constantly juggling a million things and no response is usually not on purpose. I'm sure they feel bad considering how close they are yo you and your FH. Best of luck with everything.

I am sorry to hear that. Maybe she felt more comfortable texting than calling you. However, she did tell you the reason why she would not be able to part of the bridal party. Just ask her if she will still be able to make it to the wedding and tell her that you value the friendship and would be honor to have her and husband and baby be there to celebrate with you. Best wishes.

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Honestly if I could afford to cover both her dress and his suit I would but were super tight on money paying for everything ourselves.

Having friends in the same boat, I understand them both dropping out. As much as that would mean to you to have them there, a premature baby and all of the health issues that come with it are very difficult to overcome, even if it is just the emotional stress of everything happening in her life. Having a baby is a big change, but having one with health issues is 1000% life altering. She’s probably struggling to even have time or the energy to go to the bathroom, let alone think about being in a wedding. It can also so put a lot of strain on their marriage as well. You just don’t know what’s going on with them, so the best thing you can do is try to do something kind for them. Work on taking the focus off yourself and your wedding. I understand being hurt, but this is one time where you truly just need to let it go. You also have to keep in mind that is very possible she is suffering from postpartum depression. Now that the adrenaline has quit flowing quite as much as it was when they were in the hospital for months on end, the reality of life, coupled with hormones, could be triggering some mental issues for her. I know one of my closest friends dealt with PPD, couldn’t even manage to talk on the phone when she had it. Also, your friend is likely feeling bad, so maybe that’s why she hasn’t responded. It’s hard to say exactly what’s going on without knowing a couple, but while it’s fine to feel disappointed, you just need to realize it has nothing to do with you.

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He is doing really much better now. She isn't worried so much about leaving him as much as just not getting paid while on maternity leave, other financial obligations, and soon when the school year starts child care expenses.

I'm sorry this happened, I'm sure it was hard for them too. I would check on her, make sure baby is doing ok, she's ok. It's really hard when you have a premature baby, there's a lot going on. I would avoid wedding talk and just be there for her. Good luck and best wishes.

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I do that all the time. We talk about her son literally all the time. She is the one who talks wedding she brings it up I really learned not to bring it up to people actually. The hard way. I get she has to be mom first I said that many times. I love that kid and I get that just really hurts.

Just be understanding. It's ok to feel sad. I'd let her know that she doesn't need to commit now but of course you would still love to have them as guests if they feel like they can make it.

Of course you won't let it ruin your friendship, but it's going to take a little bit of extra effort on your part to be there for them. If you are local, it would be really nice to set up a time to visit at their house. Why not pick up some Panera (or whatever) and you and your FH could bring dinner and just hang there with them and the babies.

I understand that you are sad that they needed to drop out of the bridal party but I would give her a call and see if there is anything that you could do to support her during this difficult time.

Will they still be able to come to the wedding? Is your wedding in October 2019? That's a long time away, so she may be able to afford it then?

Hey Beauty! I can see the reasons why she would text you as it would be hard to disappoint a good friend when it's such and important event. However, it is concerning that she didn't reply when you stated you understood. Maybe the comment of you being sad was off-putting to her and she felt at that moment she wasn't able to get into the situation further? Give her and yourself some time and keep the mindset that she has been through the wringer this last year. This could quite possibly be a good thing! I would rather have someone bow out gracefully than tax themselves into exhaustion or be in a situation where she isn't able to contribute as much as you need during this stressful(though joyful and exciting) time of your life. I wish you the best on your journey and hope that your friendship will continue to flourish!

I had this happen with my longest dearest friend due to finances and I was so sad she wouldn't be apart of it, not mad or upset at all, just super sad. I asked her if she would be able to come to the wedding... "I don't know". So all I can do is hope she makes it. You will feel better as time goes on, I know you understand her situation and its really nice of you to say you would pay for the dress/tux if you could.

No one should be doing enough for a bride to be "taxed to exhaustion." All she has to do is show up in the dress.

It's Ok to be sad/ disappointed, but you are going to have to shrug it off. A very premature baby can put a HUGE financial strain on a couple. Focus on all of the fun and exciting things you have coming up as a bride to be.

it's possible this is very emotional for her and she was worried she might cry if she called you.

No to mention there can be lasting health effects for a very premature baby that can be costly and also take a huge chunk of time out of your daily life (therapies/ appointments/ second opinions etc).

I hate to be harsh but I would guess your wedding is one of the furthest things from her mind for the time being.

I'd leave it be, I know it hurts, but you're being a good friend by supporting them, and that's what they asked for. What I might suggest doing, and of course, only if you think this would be something they'd be okay with - but I'd get them a corsage and boutonniere for your wedding day as a way to still honor them.