Bride wants 4 day Bachelorette Party in another country...

Oh my....There is no way in the world I would ever dictate that people plan and take me on a vacation for any reason. You are not required, as a bridesmaid, to do anything but wear your dress and show-up on time to the wedding.

Oh hell no. You can absolutely decline to participate in this ridiculous request.

She said she'd prefer Asia but she'd settle for mexico.

I wouldn't step down. Get together with the other BM's and find out what everyone else's expectations are. If they're all into it, just let them know you cannot afford it / attend at this time in the most polite way you can, but that you're still on board for any domestic activities (shower, etc.). If they're not able to do it either, then you all can go forth with planning something a little less insane.

My sister who I'm MOH for, wanted a three day bash away for the weekend as well. I told her if she wanted that, she was welcome to go and have fun with her friends, but I'd be planning her bachelorette with a different itinerary. She gave me a hard time about it, but eventually she either gave up or realized since she decided to get married 6months before me, so every dollar I make is tied up. She'll still have a wonderful weekend away, except in driving distance. Talk it over with your friend and let her know it's not within your budget to do, and that you'd like to plan her something else that will still be fun and still be an amazing time.

You can definitely decline this request. Tell her it is out of your budget to do a multiday affair, let alone one out of the country. If she gets mad about it, that's on her, not you.

Like @richard said, if someone steps up to the plate and mentions that this is out of budget for most of you, the bride may get a little reality check and tone it down .

I had a BM not come to my bachelorette and I was upset because since I wanted her in the wedding I wanted her there too. If it was because of work, I wouldnt have cared, FH works at the same place and I know how difficult it can be. However, the dates were set then a family event came up. I had no say, she cant make you go to the bachelorette. There are other events that she has missed that contributes to my frustration. And again, if the bridal party can't afford the bachelorette you guys can plan something less expensive.

Asia in 4 days? The travel alone would be exhausting. You would need days off just to recuperate lol. I would just say, "I've already requested and maxed out my days off from work." Explain you still want to plan and get together but, it can't be as extensive as she had initially anticipated. You can even claim you asked and were turned down because you already requested too many days off.

More importantly, she knows your wedding is coming up and she still requested this of you? She's inattentive to detail and just might not realise the magnitude of what she's asking for really. It might be best to first speak to the other members of the bridal party because if they can and want to attend then you might just have to sit out. Doesn't mean you can't be a bridesmaid just because you couldn't attend the bachelorette.

You can absolutely opt out the party if it doesn't work for you. You have no obligation to be there just because you're a BM. Don't drop out of the wedding completely unless you have to...

Hooooly cow. Idk what's worse, the fact that she wants to go to Asia for a bachelorette, or the fact that she thinks it's perfectly okay to request something as ridiculous as this. I'd be telling her, "Ha, funny. Go there on your honeymoon if you care that much."

I personally think I'd want to step down from being a bridesmaid for that reason alone, haha. But seriously, you don't have to step down. Just be honest with her and say that you can't request off work for it. I mean, you'd be spending two of the days just travelling to and back (unless if she meant travel, spend four days there, then travel back...which is also insane).

"She said she'd prefer Asia but she'd settle for mexico." My jaw is on the floor.....Entitlement much? Wow! It sounds like she is going to be a joy of a bride.

I did a google survey on dates, and locations that everyone could in theory get to within budget. I also put a note on there that while I wanted to see everyone there, there was no expectation that they needed to come.

Asia, haha to have four days there you'd need to take off a total of seven just to travel there. Be firm with your budget and tell her to kick rocks. If she wants to go to Asia suggest it for a honeymoon. I didn't end up having a Bach because I felt guilty about my girls having to fly down and spend $500 for a weekend. Id feel like a monster if I was asking them to spend a couple grand.

When she asked, I mentioned the flight would be at least 10 hrs and by the time we get there we'll have to get packing to leave. That's when she said Mexico would be fine too. Clearly she hasn't thought it out.

I like the Google survey idea. You can even keep the identities anonymous so that people won't feel embarrassed.

That's way too much to ask. Suggest it as a honeymoon location and plan a bachelorette party that everyone can afford.

I would just decline the (absurd) bachlorette party.

My BMs wanted to do a weekend at a lake. One BM couldn't afford the time off (works weekends), and declined. I didn't care. Other people have life going on, too.

If she gets mad and throws a hissy about you declining, then I'd say it's time to have a talk with her about your budget, and decline to be a BM if she wants everything outrageous.

Decline the party.

Agree with PPs that she sounds very entitled if she would SETTLE for Mexico. You're obviously not considering Asia for a multitude of logical reasons, but has she looked up the flight times? I've been to Japan a couple times and couldn't imagine spending 2/4 days traveling to and from Asia.

Tell her your budget and what you're able to do and that's it. Otherwise, you don't go to the bach or you decline being a BM.

This is actually the exact same scenario i am in, except her bachelorette is a cruise. I told her from the beginning that i simply did not have any time to take off for her party since i needed it for my wedding and honeymoon. She completely understood but is sad that I'm going to miss it. To be honest I'm sad too because it would be a lot of fun, but it's just not feasible right now. If she doesn't understand that, you may want to re-evaluate your friendship.