Bridal Party Ruining My Experience

What are the due dates and payments for? Besides getting a dress there isn’t anything else required of them. Showers and bachelorette parties are nice but not a requirement. It’s also a little early to be planning one so I would give it time for someone else to offer.

What payments? And what do dates?
there is still 5 moths left so they may throw you a shower and bachelorette party. Also no one is has excited for your wedding as you are. Unfortunately the only requirement of a bridal party is to get the dress and stand with the bride.

View Quoted Comment We pretty much typed the same thing st same time.

You really should not plan any showers or parties other than ceremony and reception

if no one throws you a bridal shower you don’t have one

if no one organizes your bachelorette party then you don’t have one

they really only agreed to buy the attire (within reason) and stand with you

Honestly if you’re the first to get married or if you’re the eldest, this is common. People don’t realize the responsibility til they have their own wedding. And some people don’t realize the costs until they’ve had their own wedding. Not trying to give them an excuse, but knowing this, you might realize it’s not a personal attack on you. It could just be them not realizing the responsibilities they’ve signed up for.

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They are paying for their hair and shoes as well as the dress. Every wedding I have been in we were all hands on the entire time. My wedding is in 5 months and just expected them to start getting excited like I was. I just want to be able to share my excitement and joy with my friends and family.

View Quoted Comment So if I had to pay to get my hair and make up done I would not be happy. That is about 300 buck with dress there to me a BM. Plus more money to throw you a party. It will prolly be 400 or more to be s bridesmaid. That is a lot.

If you're insisting on specific shoes and professional hair and/or makeup, you should be paying for it, not them. That's a big reason right there that maybe they're not so excited; also maybe why they're not throwing your shower/bachelorette party. That plus the dress, gift, travel, lodging, etc. all adds up pretty quickly to a lot of $$$$.

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Where I am from that is pretty standard when being apart of the wedding. Asking for them to pay for their dress hair and shoes is reasonable. I have been apart of 3 weddings and this was a requirement. If they felt like this was to much then they did not have to agree on the role of being a bridesmaid.

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If money was an issue they did not have to accept the role of being my bridesmaids. I asked them back in May of last year to take on the role giving them plenty of time to save if they needed to. The shoes and dress and hair is a total of $600. Once again I'm not asking them to "THROW" me parities I just want them to be more involved.

My fiance's mother offered to throw me a bridal shower otherwise I just wouldn't have had one.

The bachelorette party I planned myself.

I really wanted to celebrate my bachelorette at Disneyland which is expensive. But I was going to do it anyway and if any of them wanted to join regardless of the cost they could, If they didn't, that's cool too.

Planning a bachelorette trip with 11 girls was tough and stressful so keep that in mind if you try something big like that. I still had fun. Wouldn't have done something different except maybe less people.

Hmmm....this is a tough one. My girls have done nothing! When I say nothing....I mean one told me she wasn't ordering her dress til after January sometime. My wedding is March 9th?? Anybody else see the issue there. I've made it clear to my girls what was expected and I have gone above and beyond to find the absolute cheapest route for each of them. Dress $45 Shoes $10 Hair and Makeup $0 because my brothers gf and her sister are doing it as a favor to me. I will not have a shower or Bachelorette party, and if they try to throw one, they know I won't attend as its against my wishes entirely. I explained their duties individually when I asked, basically help me find what I'm looking for and buy it if it's too far or I'm unable to get it while it's on sale or whatever the case may be. I will pay them back as soon as they give me the receipt or send me a pic of it. One complained about the dresses I picked, but not because it didn't look nice...she is body conscious and doesn't want to look too thin beside the other girls. My MoH gets married tomorrow so she hasn't had a hand in anything yet bc we've been focused on last minute details for her big day. It depends on your approach and what was set as expectations for them.

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When I asked them I told them everything I expected. I feel like if they knew they did not really want the involvement then they should had declined. Im just hurt because I can see this messing up our relationships. I see my FH grooms men and they are so involved and so excited it almost makes me madder each time I even attempt to send out an txt to my girls.

View Quoted Comment You would know the standards in your area and social group

traditional etiquette would say that they pay for the dress and you pay for shoes, hair, and makeup if you specify any of those 3 things be a particular way

im really sorry that you are feeling that they aren’t as into your moment as they should be and you have been

i can only say maybe continue talking to them but also maybe mentally prepare yourself that you may not have this aspect of your wedding go off exactly as you had imagined it.

personally I declined being anyone’s bridesmaid and basically asked the people I declined... I guess to reciprocate? See we all have messed up stuff? Anyway I’m not really interested in them being part of giving me a bunch of opinions when I am realistically planning my own wedding and I’m going to do what my SO prefers because we’re paying for everything. I’m not requiring a day before rehearsal so they can save on travel, and yet another gift. I also offered to pay for wedding party attire because it’s a theme wedding and I don’t think it’s nice to say “hey you mean so much to me i want you by my side on my biggest day and I’m throwing a great party but first I want you to spend 3-5 hundred in attire (considering time and travel too) plus gifts (and I want you to throw me 2 awesome parties just about me first and bring gifts to them - my bridal shower and my bachelorette party - ) and don’t forget my engagement and wedding gifts for SO and me,


and on top of all that I also need you to act completely ecstatic every time we talk about this and to actually want to do a bunch more stuff like help me do diy projects to save money on the 1 party I’m throwing, watch me try on clothes for hours, and help me get dressed and do my hair and make up that day; once again to save me money

i know you want them involved but traditionally you’re throwing a party for your friends and family to show them your bond and love... maybe it would be more fun and exciting for them if it was less expensive

especially if you want to make plans with them in november and december when they are focused on their own holiday plans and financial needs

Just to let you know that on this website a lot of ppl believe that the bridesmaid should do nothing but pay for their dress and show up. So you will be getting those opinions but I totally agree with you. They should be happy and excited for you just because they are family and friends! A bridesmaid is only a title but family and close friends come with some responsibilities and you should want more from your friends and family especially on one of the best days of your life!

View Quoted Comment In that case send them something like, "Hey ladies, just checking to make sure we're all still on board with things. Time is slowly winding down and it seems a bit overwhelming at times. Just want to touch base since I haven't heard very much. Kisses." OR something of the sorts that's not too direct but still indicates you need to know what's going on. I'm not sure what kind of relations you have with them or how they take things like that, but I definitely agree even if it is just giving the moral support and encouragement, they should be involved and be happy and honored that you chose them out of 7 billion other options. I've had to become bridezilla with one and told her she could get her act together or just RSVP when she gets her guest invite. Nothing changed so I do believe I'll be making that cut. Not out of disrespect or anything, but I won't have someone I thought I could trust and count on to be part of the second biggest day of my life ruining that day for me or FH. His Best Man backed out Tuesday due to bitterness towards marriage as he's still not over his divorce (happened 2 years ago)...

Sorry that you are going through that . I have my daughters as my bridesmaids because I will be buying their dresses I don't want a bridal party or a bachelorette party I just want to be with my husband to be and I want it as peaceful as possible. Good Luck hunny I would try talking to them again and tell them how you really feel and kick them out if things don't change.

I have 1 bridesmaid that is like that and i have talked to her but like u said.. nothing has changed for me either. I did a post on here at one time about it and got very rude comments. most of the people on here say that bridesmaids have no obligation to do anything except buy their dress and show up. I on the other hand do not agree with that. they should be excited and honored to do these things for you. i’m sure you want to keep them as the bridal party but mayb it is something you will have to take into your own hands or directly ask them to do these things for you.
im sorry this is happening to you. 😢

I would give it more time. You are still 5 moths away and it is the holidays. I know to i somed talk a lot about the wedding theny girls seem less excited. Wait for a month or so. There is a lot going on.

View Quoted Comment I’m right there with you (with my six) if it makes you feel better!

Two of my bridesmaids make comments about being single so I don’t bother them. They also don’t ask or didn’t respond if I talked about the wedding. One made a comment about how I talk about it too much after I sent three texts over three months. My sister has been pretty MIA. She tried to organize a bachelorette and no one wanted to do one (excuse me, the two singles said they didn’t want to, one can’t, my sister is traveling too much, another cancelled to go on a trip with her bf, and only one was up for it). No shower either.
My BMs have spent $40-120 each on a dress. And are doing hair and makeup if they want. I know that’s still a lot to ask, but I’m the middle of the pack of getting married, and we’re all 30-something and very well established. (just responding to comments from PPs)

I dont know. I’m sure they’re excited in their own way. But I just remind myself that no one cares as much about your wedding as you. It sucks, and would be nice if your maids were excited and involved. I now understand why relationships change during/ after weddings. I always thought it was because of bridezillas or different places in life, I guess this is when your realize your true friends, which includes your new bestie, your future hubby.

Sorry, wish I had better advice other than “that sucks”.